Breaking Dawn Book I - EPOV
by NewTwilightFan
Summary: COMPLETE - Canon retelling of Breaking Dawn Book I from Edward's POV. What was really on his mind during the wedding and honeymoon? I originally wrote this about 5 years ago. Why did I take so long to post it here? Beats the heck out of me.
1. The Bachelor Party

All characters and plot developments belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**This chapter corresponds to Breaking Dawn Book 1 Chapter 2 - _Long Night_**

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><p>"I miss you already," Bella murmured against my lips.<p>

We lay, intertwined on her small bed, with a thick blanket between us to protect her from the coolness of my skin. Bella had removed my shirt long ago and now her left hand rested against my lower back spreading vibrant warmth and energy through my core. Her father slept in the next room, ignorant of my presence this night and almost every night since I had returned to Forks.

"I don't need to leave. I can stay. . ." I could not believe how time stood still while our lips were joined, and yet time still traveled too quickly.

"Mmmm."

That simple sound was so delicious that I gave up on speaking. Our mouths communicated more fluently than words. Mine, hard and unforgiving, and hers, soft and sweet and sensual. They spoke of passion and need and the immeasurable love we shared.

I opened my eyes, fascinated by the tiny blood vessels visible beneath the thin skin of her eyelids, the lush black lashes that fluttered where they rested against her flushed cheeks, and the thick, dark hair that framed her heart-shaped face. Bella's eyes opened as our lips parted with a gentle sigh.

I drowned in her eyes, but drowning was a fate I embraced. I sank deeper and deeper, seeing the purity of her spirit, her goodness, her indomitable strength and courage. Every time I looked into her eyes, I fell in love again.

With her fingers buried in my hair, she pulled my face back to hers. Our lips renewed their spontaneous dance.

"Definitely staying," I managed to whisper several heartbeats later.

"No, no. It's your bachelor party. You have to go." Her words were at odds with her body language. While she spoke, the fingers of her right hand twisted in my hair and her other hand pressed against the small of my back, holding me tightly against her. I stroked her face carefully, trying to find the perfect analogy for the feeling of her skin under my fingertips. There were no words to do it justice.

"Bachelor parties are designed for those who are sad to see the passing of their single days. I couldn't be more eager to have mine behind me. So there's really no point." This modern human tradition of gathering the male family members and friends together for a night of drunkenness and debauchery sounded neither fun nor attractive. Jasper and Emmett had been guarding their thoughts carefully, but I was fairly certain Alice and Rosalie would not stand for that type of revelry either.

"True." Bella agreed. She seemed happy with my reasoning. Her warm breath on my throat sealed my decision. I was not leaving her bed unless I was forcefully removed.

Bella ran her hand softly down my body, her fingertips tracing the muscles of my chest and stomach. Her touch was feather-light and warm, sending a jolt of electricity through my frame. My lips quickly found hers. Her tongue brushed across my bottom lip, delicious, tantalizing. I could not resist the sweet taste or the softness that caressed my mouth so invitingly.

But I had to. I pulled back slightly, giving both of us space, however her hands gripped my bare shoulders. I stopped, surprised.

"Wait," she said, pressing her body against mine. I felt her leg wrap around my waist, drawing me closer to her. The heat emanating from her body was doing strange things to me. I was starting to have trouble concentrating on anything other than the feel of her embrace. "Practice makes perfect," she continued.

Chuckling softly I replied, "Well, we should be fairly close to perfection by this point, then, shouldn't we? Have you slept at all in the last month?"

We had spent every night in each other's arms, kissing, talking softly about our plans, our families, our favorite books and music. I worried about how little she was sleeping, but whenever I pressed the subject she found another topic that she just _had_ to question me about. It was gratifying to me that she didn't want to miss anything. That she wanted to spend every moment with me. My heart thrilled with the overwhelming love I felt for her and the intense pleasure of having it returned.

"But this is the dress rehearsal, and we've only practiced certain scenes. It's no time for playing it safe," Bella purred with a playful smile on her lips.

My breath caught in my throat. Her voice was like smooth velvet, soft and seductive. I wanted her so deeply, that every fiber of my being ached with the need. Self-control had never caused me so much pain. This desire was more primal than the hunt, more forceful than the sharpest thirst. I hungered for this with a fierce intensity that blinded me. It terrified me. How could I control _this_ beast inside of me?

I had almost surrendered to the monster within that thirsted for her blood. My self-control had been tested to its absolute limit, and only luck and the love of my family had saved Bella's life then. How could I control this titanic craving?

"Bella. . . ," I whispered, struggling to focus on speaking those two short syllables.

"Don't start this again. A deal's a deal." There was an edge of frustration in her voice.

I was frozen. The heat of our embrace chilled me now.

"I don't know. It's too hard to concentrate when you're with me like this." I could barely complete my sentence, desperately grasping at the words as my mind raced down long worn paths of fear and panic. "I—I can't think straight. I won't be able to control myself. You'll get hurt." I was rushing now, trying to make her see just how desperate I was feeling.

"I'll be fine," she reassured me.

How could she know? She had no idea of the battle I faced every second we spent together. She could not possibly understand how fragile she felt in my arms. How could she be so confident in my control when I was walking on the blade-thin edge of self-restraint?

"Bella. . ." I was almost pleading with her now, panic plain on my face.

"Shh!" Her lips pressed against mine once again, her determination, or obstinacy, breaking briefly through my concentration. I cautiously returned her kiss before pulling back with a wry smile.

"How are your feet?" I joked, desperate to redirect where this was going.

"Toasty warm," she smiled, rubbing her right foot gently along my calf. My self-control was dealt another small blow. I grasped at conversation as my lifeline now.

"Really? No second thoughts? It's not too late to change your mind," I pressed, although with Bella I knew it was fruitless.

"Are you trying to ditch me?" Her tone was playful, but I detected a hint of annoyance in her words.

I chuckled again. "Just making sure. I don't want you to do anything you're not sure about."

Her reply was immediate, a stubborn set to her chin. "I'm sure about you. The rest I can live through."

_Can you? Will you?_ I quickly squashed that train of thought and redirected the conversation to another subject we had both agonized over for weeks and months.

"Can you?" I spoke out loud this time. "I don't mean the wedding, which I am positive you will survive despite your qualms, but afterward. . . what about Renee, what about Charlie?"

She sighed. I watched her eyebrows pull together slightly with hidden pain, her brown eyes were troubled as she murmured, "I'll miss them."

"Angela and Ben and Jessica and Mike." I pressed on, dredging up the trappings of her human life that she seemed so determined to abandon.

"I'll miss my friends, too," she replied. And then I saw her smile, her voice teasing. "Especially Mike. Oh, Mike! How will I go on?"

I growled low in my throat, pretending to be jealous. She laughed quickly at my response, but the humor was gone almost instantly.

"Edward, we've been through this and through this. I know it will be hard, but this is what I want. I want you, and I want you forever. One lifetime is simply not enough for me."

"Frozen forever at eighteen," I whispered.

She could not know how the spirit stagnated when physical change ceased. She could not understand how the changes and aging of the human body were so closely interlinked with the growth and maturation of the mind. Even physical pain and injury could shape the longevity and fortitude of spirit that makes a person stronger. Without struggle and strife, what catalyst was there to drive you forward? Vampires, once changed, were frozen in more ways than the physical. . .

"Every woman's dream come true," she teased.

I was not being facetious and her light tone hurt. Melancholy settled over me as I thought of another sacrifice I knew she would be making. She brushed off the loss of friends and family so easily, but how could she deny her birthright as a woman? I knew from Esme's and Rosalie's heartbreak that sacrificing motherhood was a burden I did not want Bella to carry. She may not realize it now, but at what point would she register her loss? How would she look at me then, once it had already been stolen from her?

"Never changing. . . never moving forward." If she could only see what I was trying to show her. I desperately wanted her to understand but I could not bring myself to lay all my concerns before her.

"What does that mean?" My tone and manner had finally sunk through her forced cheer. I answered her slowly, gauging her reaction.

"Do you remember when we told Charlie we were getting married? And he thought you were. . . pregnant?"

"And he thought about shooting you," she laughed. "Admit it—for one second, he honestly considered it."

The image of a shotgun _had_ crossed his mind, but I felt no humor at the thought. I prepared myself for my confession, completely unsure of how Bella would react.

"What, Edward?" Bella pressed.

"I just wish. . . well, I wish that he'd been right."

"Gah," she gasped. He cheeks blushed red and her eyes opened wider with surprise.

I knew that wasn't going to come out right. It wasn't that I wished Bella was really pregnant. Then. But the thought of her standing next to me, her hand held protectively over the swell of her stomach, was a dream I knew I would never have.

"More that there was some way he _could_ have been, that we had the potential. I _hate_ taking that away from you, too."

I would never hear the flutter of a tiny heart, or see her belly grow with the miracle of a new life. I would never sit with her thumbing through a book of names, matching them with 'Cullen' to find the perfect combination. I would never sit by her side, rocking a tiny being in my arms while she slept. This was one gift I would never give her. A taste of humanity I would never share. While I could accept that loss for myself, stealing that future from the one woman I loved above all else was the most black-hearted theft imaginable.

Her eyes searched my face for a full minute before she responded. "I know what I'm doing."

"How could you know that, Bella? Look at my mother, look at my sister. It's not as easy a sacrifice as you might imagine."

"Esme and Rosalie get by just fine. If it's a problem later, we can do what Esme did—we'll adopt."

I sighed. Esme and Rosalie did NOT get by just fine. They hid their pain well from the others, but I felt their loss every time they saw a human infant. I knew their memories and relived their regrets. Theirs was a loss and a sacrifice too great to put into words.

"It's not _right_! I don't want you to have to make sacrifices for me. I want to give you things, not take them away from you. I don't want to steal your future. If I were human—"

Her soft fingers across my lips halted me mid-sentence. "_You_ are my future. Now, stop. No moping, or I'm calling your brothers to come and get you. Maybe you _need_ a bachelor party," she threatened with a smirk.

"I'm sorry. I am moping, aren't I? Must be the nerves."

I wrestled my thoughts away from my regrets and guilt. There were so many other things that were weighing on my mind. Creating new problems served no purpose. I was already severely preoccupied with the question of whether Jacob Black would accept my invitation and how the human guests would feel among the eleven golden-eyed vampires. Also, of course, the honeymoon was always in the back of my mind; tangled doubts and fears of fulfilling my promise to Bella.

"Are your feet cold?" she glanced slyly down to the foot of the bed where our feet were tangled in the blankets.

"Not in that sense. I've waited a century to marry you, Miss Swan. The wedding ceremony is the one thing I can't wait. . ."

_Come out, come out wherever you are!_

Emmett's mental call taunted me. From his point of view, I could hear Jasper's stealthy passage off to his right and see the light from Bella's house up ahead. Jasper's thoughts were quiet, showing me only a slightly altered perspective of their swift approach.

"Oh, for the love of all that's holy!"

"What's wrong?" Bella was shocked and confused by my dark tone.

"You don't have to call my brothers. Apparently Emmett and Jasper are not going to let me bow out tonight." Emmett's muffled laugh carried through the open window.

"Have fun." She held me tightly for a second before releasing me with a resigned smile.

I saw Emmett's jump in his mind the second before he sprang. Clinging to the narrow sill, he scraped his diamond-hard fingernails against the glass letting out a bone-chilling screech. I met his fiendish grin with a harassed glare.

"If you don't send Edward out, we're coming in after him," Emmett hissed.

"Go, _before_ they break my house." Bella was laughing at my brother's antics. Emmett dropped back to the ground with a quiet laugh.

With a long-suffering sigh, I rolled my eyes, dragged myself from her warm embrace and shrugged into my shirt. "Go to sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow."

"Thanks! That's sure to help me wind down," Bella replied sarcastically. I paused, smiling as I considered ordering my brothers away and falling back into her arms.

"I'll meet you at the altar." I vowed. Those words were like a rush of adrenaline in my veins. My whole body hummed in anticipation of that moment.

"I'll be the one in white." She wore a bland smile, but her attempt at nonchalance was ruined by the slight quaver in her voice.

"Very convincing," I chuckled. Somehow I found the force of will to leave.

Saying goodbye to Bella always caused me pain even if I was only gone for a short time. The anxiety I felt was partly due to my worry that she would be hurt in my absence; that I would not be there to ensure her safety. But the stronger emotion was harder to define. I was afraid that she would change her mind, somehow. That somewhere in her human thoughts, perpetually hidden from me, something would finally click and she would realize the impossibility of our love, that she would no longer want to doom herself to an eternity with me; a monster.

Her love, her adoration—I could not deny their existence. But when I examined the intensity of my love and need for her, for every part of her mind, body, and soul, I knew that there was no possible way for her love to be as great as mine. I would cease to exist without her. Such a cliché. But, in my case, so completely true.

I committed the image of her sitting there in her bed to memory. Her lips curved into a wry smile, her hair tangled and still damp from her shower, the rumpled, old T-shirt that she always wore to bed in lieu of pajamas.

_Be Safe._ I spoke to her silently as I sprang out her window into the night.

My eyes instantly found Emmett crouching next to a tall pine. I twisted in the air to land on him, my full weight striking him in the left shoulder. Emmett cursed and I slugged him in the same shoulder.

"Watch your language, Em," I scolded.

"You'd better not make him late," we all heard Bella speak softly from her room.

Jasper leaped lightly into the air, gripping the frame of her window as he replied, "Don't worry, Bella. We'll get him home in plenty of time." _We had to guilt trip him into coming with us tonight. Not even the Volturi could keep him away from you tomorrow._ He finished the thought silently in his head for my benefit.

I sensed the wave of calm reassurance he sent washing over Bella and whispered, "Thanks, Jazz."

Her sheets rustled and the bed creaked as she sat up to address Jasper. "Jasper? What do vampires do for bachelor parties? You're not taking him to a strip club, are you?"

I could hear curiosity warring with a tinge of jealousy. Did she honestly think I would frequent such establishments? That I would have any desire to see _any_ other woman in that way? I couldn't help the surge of hurt I felt. I shouldn't be offended. In the context of this modern world it was a legitimate question.

Emmett grappled me to the ground, taking advantage of my brief distraction to get his revenge. "Don't tell her anything!" he growled. I slipped out from his grip, snaking my foot behind his leg to bring him down hard. _Thud. _I snickered at his slightly bewildered look. _Gotcha._

"Relax," Jasper told her. "We Cullens have our own version. Just a few mountain lions, a couple of grizzly bears. Pretty much an ordinary night out."

"Thanks, Jasper," she responded, obviously relieved.

I heard her settle back into her pillow with a sigh as Jasper dropped silently to the ground and we raced down to Emmett's Jeep where it was parked deep in the shadows of an overgrown fir tree. Emmett flung himself into the driver's seat, ignoring the off-road harness, and brought the powerful V8 to life. An upstairs light in the house two doors down blinked on accompanied by the irritated thoughts of the neighbor we had awakened.

Emmett took full advantage of the upgrades Rosalie had installed as we raced out of town and took off into the forest along an abandoned logging road. The closely planted trees hugged the road on either side, low-hanging branches scraping against the sides of the Jeep. When the way became too crowded, we abandoned the vehicle and continued on foot.

Hunting was a necessity tonight, for sure. Our house would be inundated with humans tomorrow, thanks to Alice's extensive guest list, and I didn't know how long it would be before I personally would be able to hunt large game again. Emmett teased me without mercy as we ran east toward the mountains. We stayed clear of trails where hikers might have been camping, angling further south as we left civilization behind us. Jasper ran wordlessly, keeping his thoughts carefully focused on the surrounding forest.

Many miles later, Emmett tired of his teasing, aggravated by my unresponsiveness. He launched himself toward me, trying to ram me into a tree. I caught the flicker of his thoughts and, at the last instant, dodged his assault. The aged evergreen was not so lucky. Emmett crashed into it like a juggernaut, the 14-inch thick trunk splintered and cracked. The towering tree came crashing down, knocking over two other trees. The twisting and snapping sounds were deafening as they echoed off the hills around us. I raised my eyebrow at Emmett's shocked expression. His brow lowered into a threatening glare and Jasper burst into loud guffaws.

"Cheater!" he muttered under his breath. I crouched in anticipation. He had not decided to attack yet, but he toyed with the possibilities there in his thoughts.

"Hold it!" Jasper interrupted the imminent violence with a raised hand, still chuckling a bit. Emmett and I froze.

"Emmett, lay off for a minute. Edward, we wanted to get you alone tonight to hunt, but also because I can tell you're really anxious about something. Carlisle said you may come to talk to us about something, but you never did. I can tell you're stressed out, I mean, of course you are. You're getting married tomorrow! But Em and I just thought, if there's anything we can say or do to help you out. . . well, we're here for you."

I glanced at Emmett. He had straightened from his crouch and now leaned nonchalantly against a tree. Emmett had always possessed an almost mercurial ability to sidestep from lethal violence, to raucous humor, to funereal calm in the blink of the eye. He nodded once in agreement. Glancing back at Jasper, I saw that he was honestly worried about me and I thought about what Carlisle could have been referring to.

The forest was silent, still recovering from the aftermath of Emmett's horseplay. My brothers were looking at me expectantly, waiting for a response.

Realization dawned on me and I was suddenly embarrassed. I had cornered Carlisle many weeks ago, when Bella had first given me the ultimatum. She would only marry me if. . . I tried not to let my mind complete _that_ thought. Carlisle had patiently reassured me, always confident in my self-restraint. His trust was almost disillusioning, because I knew that it was ill-founded.

Something must have showed on my face, because Emmett suddenly pushed away from the tree and was in front of me in a fraction of a second. Two hands grasped me by the shoulders and I looked up into his concerned eyes. His eyes narrowed and then his mouth turned up into a smirk.

"Ha! Are you kidding? No freaking way! Was this your idea or hers?" His thoughts revealed that he had jumped to the correct conclusion. I saw the image of my face in his mind, worry, guilt and fear warring with anticipation and excitement. He was definitely getting a lot of satisfaction out of my mortification. A growl erupted from my throat before I could stem the sudden anger rising in me.

"Whoa, wait a minute," Jasper intervened again. "You guys are going to try after all? We all thought you were going to wait until she was changed!"

My shoulders bowed under the hideous weight of my internal turmoil. I sank wearily to sit on a mossy boulder. With my elbows on my knees, I buried my face in my hands. "She insisted," I said, my words muffled and barely audible. "It's the only way she would agree to marry me."

"Tough break, bro!" Emmett was his usual, unstoppable, cheerful self.

"So, how are you going to manage that?" Jasper was curious, concerned.

I lifted my head to meet his worried glance. "I don't know. I don't even know what to expect. I've never. . ."

"Wait!" Emmett interrupted. "Never? I mean, I know you turned Tanya down, I thought you were just choosy. But, never?"

I shook my head wordlessly.

"Not even before you were changed?" he pressed.

I shrugged my assent. That stopped him. He was truly at a loss for words, both mental and verbal.

The despair I was feeling was palpable and I welcomed Jasper's calming influence. I took two shuddering breaths before I responded. "We're both. . . virgins." The word was awkward and uncomfortable to say out loud. From his thoughts, I knew Jasper had suspected as much, but Emmett was clearly astounded.

"Wow. That's all I can say, wow!" Emmett looked at me again. "So I guess you're just going have to be ready to change her right then, right?" His cavalier acceptance that I would injure Bella so badly infuriated me beyond words and I sprang at him without thinking.

My attack was more controlled than his had been, and I instantly had him by the throat, pressed up against the same tree he had just stepped away from. My jaw was clenched in rage, wishing he would fight back so that I could channel some of my fear and pain away from myself. However, he raised his hands in peace, patiently waiting for me to loosen my choke hold.

"Easy, bro. I didn't mean to piss you off. I was just curious, I guess. I mean, you have a plan, right?"

My anger dissipated as quickly as it had come. I released him and turned away, dejected.

"I'm sorry." My words were a whisper.

"Would it help to talk about it?" Jasper interjected. "Maybe if you knew a little bit more about what to expect you wouldn't be so torn up. You might be able to handle it better, you know?" Emmett nodded in agreement.

I looked from one to the other, seeing their thoughts, astounded by the offer they presented. Their selfless gesture ignited a spark of hope within me.

My gratitude was heartfelt as my brothers stood close to me in that rain-soaked forest, one on each side with their hand on my shoulder. They loved me, and they cared deeply for Bella. Neither one of them envied my predicament, but they stood by me, supporting me, encouraging me. Both Jasper and Emmett opened up to me, dredging up their most personal, intimate memories for me to understand. Time stood still as I relived some of the most powerful experiences of my brothers' lives.

In all our decades together, I had worked so hard to distract myself and muffle the overflow of thoughts and images whenever they made love to their wives. Now, for the first time, I opened my own mind fully to their multi-layered experiences. I did not feel at all like a voyeur. Instead, I was overwhelmed by the unconditional love and trust that these men offered me. Truly, nobody in the history of the world had two brothers like mine.

Emmett tried to compare what he felt during intimacy with the pure exhilaration of drinking human blood. It was too invigorating, too tempting, too primal an instinct to deny it. And yet, I thought, we all lived without that pleasure and fulfillment. I didn't think what I felt for Bella would be so easy to control.

Jasper was more understanding of the emotional onslaught that came hand in hand with the union of two bodies. His love and adoration for Alice colored every memory with rich rainbow hues. However, for both Jasper and Emmett, their first times were distant, faded human memories— dark and out of focus compared to the brilliance of vampire experiences.

Even so, it helped. Knowing helped.

Gradually, the rapport we shared slowed. I took a deep breath to steady myself, and then another.

"Thank you, both." This time my voice was stronger and the anxiety had faded ever so slightly. I was still afraid, but hopeful that I would be able to control myself and give Bella what she so desperately wanted.

Emmett grinned and slapped me on the shoulder. "No problem, just don't tell Rosalie. She doesn't like to think about the 'other girls' even though they were decades ago, before I ever met her."

"Oh, believe me. I would never betray your trust. I owe you so much more than that! This one goes with us to the grave. Figuratively speaking, of course. . ."

Jasper hugged me quickly, pounding me on the back. "Come on, let's hunt! I heard some campers spotted a mountain lion just north of Quinault earlier this week. Let's help repay our debt to society."

"_Your _debt," Emmett snickered. "You've got decades worth of slaughtering innocents to make up for."

Jasper didn't respond to Emmett's barb. It was an obvious attempt to shift attention away from me. He never lifted the soothing pressure of his gift. With a shrug and a fortifying breath of the pine scented air I followed them, settling into an easy, ground devouring lope and casting out my senses, searching for that signature musky scent.

Four hours later, we were scaling the icy cliffs of Mt. Olympus. Our thirst sated for now, we playfully challenged one another to climb the rocky heights. The exertion was invigorating and we quickly reached the summit, which was ice-capped, even in August. Facing the east we watched as fingers of light crept up to reclaim the night sky. Streaks of amber and pink spread out, heralding the dawn. As the golden orb crested the horizon, we were bathed in its pure brilliance.

I tipped my head back, reveling in the warmth of the breaking dawn. I stretched my arms high. My bare skin refracted the light, casting brilliant rainbows across the snowy expanse. All worry was washed away and my being sang with joy and anticipation. Today I would be joined, mind, body and soul, with the most perfect of creatures.

Laughter erupted from my chest and I embraced my brothers, ignoring their bemused expressions. Without hesitation I threw myself down the mountainside, eager to meet my bride.

A sound like thunder swelled behind me as Emmett barreled down the mountainside after me. Cracking and rumbling grew beneath my feet. I heard a string of expletives in Jasper's mind, but Emmett let out a whoop of excitement as tons of snow and ice collapsed under the pressure of our unexpected descent.

I rolled my eyes at his childish exuberance and flung myself forward, lightly gliding over the shifting surface. I left the sea of ice chunks and snowy boulders behind easily, disappearing into the relative shelter of the trees. Jasper joined me seconds later and we turned to watch Emmett bouncing and cart-wheeling down the slope, shouting and hollering with delight.

I couldn't help laughing as his 'ride' came to a shuddering end and he leaped gracefully across the fractured remains of the avalanche with a grin on his face.

"Sorry, Edward. I guess I underestimated you. I thought I'd be bored out of my mind tonight 'cuz you're such a prude, but that was _fun_! I'll have to bring Rose up here one day and try that again."

I couldn't imagine Rose putting up with his antics, let alone joining in. It would destroy her hair, for one thing. . . I caught myself rolling my eyes again and traded glances with Jasper. He just shook his head and shrugged.

We only descended another 200 feet before we were enveloped by a thick layer of clouds. Alice had foreseen that today would be free of rain and even pleasantly warm for the ceremony, but this part of the peninsula was smothered by a thick layer of clouds. The tiny droplets clung to my clothes and condensed on my cold skin. I glanced at my brothers who also had beads of moisture glistening in their hair and soaking their clothes. Between the horseplay, hunting, mountain climbing, avalanche surfing and heavy clouds, we were going to be a mess when we finally made it home.

We returned to the Jeep at an easy pace, occasionally talking, but mostly traveling in silence. I was lost in thought and my brothers seemed to understand and respect my need for some time alone in my own mind. I frequently checked the position of the sun in the sky. It was only about 8:17am, and the wedding wasn't scheduled until late afternoon.

I knew Alice wouldn't hear of me seeing or even talking to Bella until she walked down the aisle. What was I going to do in the intervening hours? The minutes stretched out before me like the endless waves of the ocean. I swallowed hard, frustrated and anxious for the time to pass.


	2. The Wedding

All characters and plot developments belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**This chapter corresponds to Breaking Dawn Book 1 Chapter 3 - _Big Day  
><em>**

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><p>The drive back to Forks was no easier. Emmett drove at the speed limit, aware of the heavier weekend traffic and the need to remain inconspicuous. I realized I was grinding my teeth in frustration when I felt a gentle calm wash over me and heard Jasper's compassionate thoughts.<p>

_I was just as nervous before I married Alice, if you'll remember. It's one of those bizarre human emotions that make little sense to our kind, so it is even harder for us to process. It's going to be just fine._

I nodded, grateful but unable to pull together a smile. It seemed like my light-hearted moment of joy had disappeared as soon as we descended below the clouds. When I was shut off from the sun, darker thoughts invaded my mind.

What I was experiencing was so much worse than nervousness. I was excited and exhilarated, but I couldn't stop hundreds of other thoughts from flitting through my mind. As we drew closer to home, and the hour of the wedding, one picture kept creeping back to me with a persistence that was deeply disturbing.

The anguished face of Jacob Black.

With it came the heart-rending memory of watching Bella cry herself sick the night she said goodbye to him. Would he be there tonight? Did he even receive the invitation and the letter I wrote? Did I truly want him to come?

When I considered the joy and relief Bella would feel if he did show up, I knew my answer was 'yes', but the answer did little to stop the nagging sense of jealousy and pain that always accompanied any thoughts of my former rival.

It was lunchtime when we finally turned onto the three-mile drive that led up to our house. Somehow, since we had left the night before, Alice and Esme had strung thousands of twinkling lights around the trees lining the road. Even with vampire speed and agility, it was an impressive feat. White satin bows glowed regally at frequent intervals. The effect was stunning, like traveling through a starlit tunnel, even though it was still midday.

I jumped impatiently from the moving vehicle as Emmett pulled around to the garage on the north end of the house. I cast around, sensing the minds of my family around me before I sped across the open lawn and entered the house. The heady scent of orange blossoms, roses, lilacs and freesias billowed around me. I was enchanted by the transformation that had taken place in my absence.

I stood for a moment, dazed, just taking it all in. All of the furniture had been removed from the living room. Rows of chairs, draped in satin, flanked the center aisle down which a simple rose-colored carpet ran, barely a shade darker than the color of Bella's blush. A canopy of gossamer and intricately woven flowers hung over the assembled chairs. At the far end of the aisle, a bridal arch, also dripping with fragrant blossoms, marked the blessed spot where we would make our vows to each other.

My precious piano, glistening with polish, occupied its elevated platform in the rear left corner. The lid was raised half way, the perfect position to fill the room with its mellow resonance. Rosalie's sheet music was neatly laid out, marked with her notes and personal embellishments. Like a magnetic force, my eyes were pulled back to the front of the room again. I envisioned us standing there, without another soul in the room, speaking those words of love and commitment. I forced my mind to rewind the scene, my heart aching as Bella retreated from my side, back to the base of the stairs. My feet were unconsciously drawn to those stairs. Alice's musical voice carried clearly from upstairs, but the force controlling my movements, that sucked me in, was the rhythmic beating of a human heart. My Bella.

"Don't even think about going upstairs, Edward. Alice will have your head," Rosalie threatened.

I stopped in my tracks, bemused. I had not heard her approach. Her voice was cold, but I sensed the affection in her thoughts. For all of her criticism and anger at what Bella was choosing, she was happy for us.

Rosalie was gorgeous, even more so than usual. Her figure was sheathed in a silver, floor-length gown. She was not wearing her wedding band, of course, but her wrists and neck were adorned with flawless pink diamonds, set in the shape of roses; Carlisle and Esme's wedding gift when she and Emmett were first married. She carried herself with pride, conscious of her stunning beauty. Her long golden hair was twisted and coiled into a classic coiffure that bore an obvious resemblance to a royal crown. _Subtle_, I thought sardonically. Emmett was going to be stunned senseless when he saw her.

"I wouldn't think of it," I responded to her threat with a grin and a shrug, choosing instead to find Esme. The time would pass more quickly with something constructive to do, and I knew my mother would have plenty to keep me busy.

I paused as I stepped outside into the backyard. Part of a video from a recent biology class popped into my mind. Time-lapse photography. I chuckled as I thought about how this scene would appear to a human. Esme and Carlisle were flitting from place to place erecting the white canopy tent, hanging ribbons, streamers and flowers according to Alice's detailed sketch. The only thing that would indicate otherwise was the absence of changing light and flickering shadows.

I crossed to the table where her directions lay, scanned them quickly, and began twisting the piles of white flowers into garlands for Esme to hang around the perimeter of the tent.

"Edward, put that down! You shouldn't be decorating for your own wedding reception!" Esme called out in shocked disapproval.

I laughed and shook my head, but I did not drop the garland. Ivy, white rose, freesia. . . ivy, white rose, freesia. . . my movements were automatic, my fingers were a blur as they braided the ribbon and stems flawlessly.

"Apparently Alice has already banned me from the house and you know I'll go mad with nothing to do."

"Sweetheart, please." Her hands rested gently on mine. I raised my eyes to see her loving eyes pleading with me. "Why don't you spend some time at your piano? I would love to hear you play."

"Mother, you know that is Rose's territory today. I just really want to keep myself occupied for the next two hours. Surely there is something you need help with?"

Carlisle appeared at my side and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Esme, if this is what helps him order his thoughts, how can we argue? We are happy to have your help and company, son." He squeezed my shoulder once before returning to his work, laying down the interlocking panels of the hardwood dance floor.

Esme embraced me, then. "I am grateful for the help. I just didn't want you to feel obligated to be out here if there was somewhere else you'd rather be."

Through Rosalie's eyes, I watched Emmett's jaw drop to his chest when he entered the house and saw her. Rosalie was _very_ pleased with his reaction, preening under his adoring gaze. Jasper was uncomfortable, assaulted by the force of their raw attraction. He was relieved when Rosalie asked him to take her car to pick up Bella's mother and Phil from their hotel.

"No, I think it's best if I just stay away from trouble out here. . ."

Esme rested her hand softly against the side of my face and a sweet smile lit up her countenance.

"Stay if you wish. You know I cherish this time with you and I will miss you terribly. . . but I am so overjoyed for you and Bella." _From the very beginning, when you first confessed your love for Bella, I knew this day would come. And now that it's here, I can't express just how happy it makes me to see you two together. No mother has ever been happier for her son, or more satisfied that he has found the perfect woman. You deserve one another, and I never believed that I would meet a woman who was worthy of loving you. Oh, Edward. I almost wish I could cry._

My throat was tight as I drew her into a close hug. Her profession of love for Bella and unconditional approval of our union was so heartfelt. I was just glad and humbled that seeking my own happiness had brought my mother so much joy and satisfaction.

We broke apart and continued our separate tasks, but we both had smiles on our faces. Carlisle and Esme traded a wordless look, and his lips were turned up in a small grin. They were remembering their own wedding. I sighed as I saw the tranquil joy they shared in loving thoughts and sweet memories. Jasper, on his way back out to the garage, felt it too, joining our simple communion with his own feelings of joy, encouragement, and brotherly approval.

Emmett sauntered outside moments later and I heard Rosalie's offer to style Bella's hair. The image of Bella's profile in her mind was enough to still my hands for a moment. Alice sent a pointed thought at me when I even considered going upstairs. I shook my head, refocusing my thoughts.

The minutes flew by faster than I could have hoped.

* * *

><p>We were putting the finishing touches on the outdoor reception area when I heard Rosalie's car turning off the highway. Moments later, another car followed. Bella's mother would be here in minutes and other guests would be trickling in for the next hour. I ran up to my room to change, overly conscious of Alice's bathroom door shut tightly with my sisters and Bella talking and preparing inside.<p>

I took my time with my own preparations. The tuxedo I wore was new, but styled with traditional lines and tailored to fit me perfectly. Alice had no part in the design or the purchase. I did it all by myself for a change. Today, how I looked and dressed was all for Bella. I stood in front of my mirror and took a deep, stabilizing breath. I wasn't nervous about my decision to marry. I did not feel any of the doubts or regrets that so frequently plague the minds of men before they walk down the aisle. Instead, my body was buzzing with excitement. It would take all of my focus and self-control to act human today, to speak and move as a human does.

Rosalie began playing softly as I tied my bow tie. I was proud of her. She rarely played the piano, but I knew this was because it was a hit to her pride, being second best next to me. She didn't begrudge me my talent, but it did make playing less enjoyable for her. That she had volunteered to play today, without even being asked, was a priceless gift. As difficult as today was for her, she was making a valiant effort to make it as wonderful for Bella and me as her first wedding with Emmett was for her.

I recognized Carlisle's step in the hallway several seconds before he rapped lightly on my door.

"Come in," I called.

He peered around the door, grinned at my formal ensemble and then stepped in and shut the door behind him. I raised an eyebrow when I registered why he was here. He was holding out a shiny, black lacquered box. I already knew what was inside, and I was speechless.

I took the box gingerly in my hands and lifted the lid to see a pair of solid gold cufflinks. I hadn't seen them since Carlisle and Esme were married. The oval face was stamped with the Cullen Family Crest: a Lion Passant, three shamrocks to pay tribute to his Irish roots, and a steel gauntlet; a sign of strength and bravery.

"Edward, you are my first-born son. Perhaps not in the conventional way, but in every way that matters, you are. As different as I was after the change, there was still one thing about me that was purely human. I wanted a son to pass on my name, to teach, to love, to watch him grow. For more than two centuries, that instinctive need lay dormant within me. But then you joined me in this life and chose to call me father. My name, this crest, everything I have and everything I know. . . these are your birthright."

Touched beyond words, I nodded silently as Carlisle removed my generic mother-of-pearl cufflinks and replaced them with the heavier gold jewelry. Cullen was more than a name that I adopted out of convenience. It was my history and my heritage. It meant I was part of a family— a family that Bella would also be joining soon.

Carlisle trapped me in a bone-crushing embrace. His pride and pleasure on this, my wedding day, was more emotion than I could absorb. Carlisle stepped back, his hands on my shoulders and his eyes locked on mine.

_You are a good man, Edward. Have faith in yourself and Bella. God has blessed you with a supernatural love. Trust that the joy you will experience together will be greater than anything you have ever imagined. _

"Carlisle, I. . . thank you." I murmured, humbled by his profession of faith and love.

And then Emmett burst through the door, his broad shoulders and muscular arms straining and stretching the seams of his tuxedo as he moved.

"Eddie, looking good!" His eyes scanned me from top to bottom and back up again before he met my sheepish gaze with a grin. "Real good. I can't wait to see Bella's reaction." I saw his mind flash to a whispered exchange with Jasper.

"Emmett, you didn't. . ." I glared blackly at my brother.

"Edward, Emmett, what's going on?" Carlisle broke in quickly.

"Emmett and Jasper are betting on whether Bella will trip while walking down the aisle." I was fuming. He thought this was funny? I almost expected this from Emmett, but Jasper? I was livid.

"Edward, geez. Relax! We're just—never mind" Thinking better of his argument, Emmett beat a hasty retreat, just calling over his shoulder, "They're ready for you downstairs, bro."

With an effort, I shook off my anger, allowing Carlisle and the steady melody of Pachelbel's Canon to calm me before I followed. At the bottom of the stairs, guests were milling about and almost two-thirds of the seats were filled. I picked up on the scents and thoughts of many acquaintances from school as well as other humans from town. Seth Clearwater, his mother, Sue, and Billy Black sat in the back row. Sue looked like her skin was crawling and she couldn't stop sending darting glances over at the right side of the room.

In a row of chairs about half way down the aisle, the Denali coven, minus Irina, sat in graceful poses. The only thing that allowed them to blend in with humans was the humans' tendency to ignore the warning signs that their own eyes couldn't possibly miss. Even so, the seats around them remained empty, for now. Nobody was ready to place themselves next to so much alien beauty. Tanya caught my eye with a provocative smile as I walked past, but I only spared her a small welcoming nod. It was difficult not to hurt her feelings when she persisted in pursuing me despite everything I had ever told her.

Many pairs of eyes followed my progress up the aisle, with Carlisle just one step behind me. Jasper, Emmett and Esme followed soon after, taking their places in the front row. Phil escorted Renee down the aisle. She smiled at me with tears in her eyes. Her thoughts were full of tender memories of Bella's childhood and hope for her happiness as a married woman. Despite Bella's misgivings, Renee had no reservations about our early marriage. Her view of our relationship was unique; accepting our love and need for one another as an essential part of both of us. Having seen us together, she was incapable of seeing us apart. Somehow, the simplicity of her viewpoint was both profound and comforting.

The few guests who were still standing followed our cue and took their seats. Mr. Weber leaned in to speak to me, his hand like a hot brand on my shoulder, even through the layers of fabric. He wanted to confirm a few minor changes to the vows. Just as he stepped back into position, Rosalie executed a complex, but flawless, flourish. I caught her eye and mouthed the words, 'thank you'. Her lips broke into a rare and beautiful smile.

Standing beneath the arch, I thought of my earlier vision. My gaze swept over the heads of the gathering and locked on the staircase, waiting for the first glimpse of my bride.

Alice stepped lightly down the stairs, her feet landing precisely on the beat of the music. Even so, her body moved with such sinuous grace that she seemed to float, rather than walk. Her short, black hair was styled in curls around her face, softening her angular features and making her look even younger. She was dressed in a silver gown, like Rosalie, but in a different style. The fabric appeared to pour over her figure like a moonlit waterfall.

I heard Jasper's instantaneous intake of breath a fraction of a second before a pulse of love and adoration swept over me. My eyes darted in his direction and he locked down his gift in alarm.

"Smooth, Jazz. Now everyone in the room is in love with Alice," I whispered out of the corner of my mouth.

"If they are, it's only because she's that perfect," he replied smugly.

_While I have your attention, congratulations!_ Alice's musical voice echoed in my mind. Then her eyes were only on Jasper, and the beatific smile that lit up her face dazzled everyone in the room.

I shook my head minutely. I was in awe, once again, that I had found a love as great as Jasper's love for Alice. Greater, even, impossible as that seemed.

The thoughts of everyone in the room took on a feeling of expectation for Bella's entrance. Rosalie ran through a fanfare that grew in volume and slowed slightly in anticipation of her entrance.

Charlie's polished black shoe appeared moments before a delicate foot clad in vintage satin heels descended to rest next to his. A hushed whisper raced through the crowd as they rose to their feet in unison. Staring straight down the aisle, my view was unobstructed as the vision of all visions was revealed to me.

I drank in the sight of her, raising my eyes slowly from the hem of her satin gown swirling around her ankles to the delicate bouquet she clasped in her left hand, and finally to her face, framed by tendrils of her dark, luminous hair. Her hair was a masterpiece of brown silky coils that dipped in and out of an intricate braid to form a lustrous coronet. Two sapphire-encrusted combs sparkled beneath the braids. A veil of antique lace flowed freely down her back and curled around her shoulders with each step.

Her face glowed with the blush of a rose. Her skin was as smooth as porcelain. Her eyes were downcast, framed by thick, dark lashes. Her lips drew my gaze, looking fuller and darker than before. I was mesmerized. Alice's ministrations had only intensified her beauty.

In that moment, I consciously opened myself to the thoughts of those around me. I saw Bella from dozens of perspectives, sometimes with shadowy human vision, and other times with the crystalline clarity of vampiric sight. But almost every mind was, like mine, frozen by the breathtaking beauty before us.

Charlie clutched Bella's hand on his arm as they reached the last step. With her feet on level ground, Bella finally raised her eyes. She was momentarily overwhelmed by the magnificence of the room and I remembered my first impressions of the bowery display. However, it only took a moment for her eyes to find mine. When they did, they shone brighter than before, lit from within by an ardor that matched my own. I couldn't contain my joy. My face broke into a wide grin. The force of our love shimmered between us as each step brought her closer to me.

Finally, she stood before me and I inhaled deeply, loving the interplay of her scent with the profusion of flowers. Alice had orchestrated everything perfectly. Every sight, sound and smell was a magnification of Bella's own purity, sweetness and beauty. When Charlie placed her hand in mine and stepped away, it took all of my strength to turn toward the minister. I could have lost myself in her eyes forever.

Each word spoken throughout the ceremony increased the energy coursing through me. I watched Bella's face, her eyes wide and her lips parted, vibrating subtly with each passing breath. When the minister reached the vows, he spoke with animated warmth, his rich voice rising and falling in a pattern that made the weight of each word settle deeply into your mind.

"Isabella, do you take Edward to be your lawful wedded husband? Do you promise to love and cherish him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, forsaking all others, keeping yourself only unto him, for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," she replied softly, her voice barely carrying beyond those closest to us.

Hearing those words whispered from her lips was the most deeply spiritual moment of my life. My universe narrowed to include only us, and yet in that instant, I felt that the universe had expanded beyond comprehension. I had never felt more _right_. I did not care that I was a vampire or that she was human. I now realized that I had been waiting for decades for her to be born and enter my life at the exact second that she had. Nothing could stem the tide of victorious exhilaration that coursed through me.

When it was my turn, my voice rang clear and triumphant. "I do."

_I do._

Those two words. So simple. So powerful. If my body had been capable of it, I would have been crying with her.

_I do, always and forever._

Mr. Weber spoke the final words of the marriage rite, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

I anticipated that kiss as much as our first kiss, but for very different reasons. I gave myself entirely to Bella as she lay sleeping in her narrow bed on a rainy winter day almost two years ago, but I hadn't even dared to consider marriage then. I was too terrified of losing control and hurting her. But as the days and weeks passed, as her attachment to me became undeniably obvious, my determination to stay with her every day of her existence occupied my thoughts day and night. And then, she had agreed to marry me, agreed to spend the rest of her life. . . the rest of eternity. . . with me. She had said yes. To me.

And here she stood, before our families and our friends, my wife in name and in truth.

I framed her face with my hands, taking in her trembling lips and tear-filled eyes. She had never been more beautiful to me. Isabella Marie Cullen. Mrs. Edward Cullen. My love, my life.

I bent down slowly to kiss her, but she surprised me when she threw her arms around my neck enthusiastically. For the first time ever, I did not feel the burn of her scent or the fire of her blood scalding my lips. I only felt the pure sensation of her body in my arms and her eager lips pressing against mine. I fell gratefully into the ocean of her love, only vaguely aware of the flashing cameras and cheering guests.

Several moments passed before the thoughts of our audience beat their way into my consciousness. Bella's break from her normal bashful, reserved demeanor did not go unnoticed.

Mike Newton was seething. Jessica Stanley was shifting uncomfortably in her seat as jealousy and admiration warred within her mind. Angela Weber was crying and so moved that her father had been the one we asked to marry us. Seth, someone I admired and loved like a brother, could barely contain his joy for us. Tanya. . . well, Tanya was not doing a very good job of concealing her thoughts or her jealousy. Our families looked on with pride and love.

Emmett's amusement broke through the tumult, _Dang, bro. You are in for it! Wow. I didn't know she had it in her._

Amused thoughts were quickly translating into giggles and chuckles as Bella clung to me. With the gentlest pressure, I cupped her cheeks as I pulled away from our kiss. Tears were flowing freely down her face. She showed no signs of caring or being embarrassed about being on display. I saw none of her normal discomfort in front of crowds. Her eyes and her thoughts were locked on me as mine were on her. My lips turned up in a smirk, reacting to some of the thoughts of our audience, but nothing could detract from the sheer joy within me.

Clapping, cheering, and a couple of whoops and hollers from Emmett and Tyler Crowley, rose around us. When she showed no signs of moving, I turned Bella to face the crowd, but her eyes remained glued to mine. Renee was the first one to reach us and break through Bella's trance. I forced myself to accept the well-wishes and embraces from dozens of guests, but the majority of the attention was showered on Bella. We were shuffled through the crowd, with Bella clinging tenaciously to my hand the entire time.


	3. The Reception

All characters and plot developments belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**This chapter corresponds to Breaking Dawn Book 1 Chapter 4 - _Gesture_**

* * *

><p>Esme and Alice, the consummate hostesses, were gradually herding the crowd outside. The sun had just dipped below the trees and the mystical beauty of twilight was settling around us. The banquet area we had labored over this afternoon was transformed into a scene from <em>A Mid-Summer Night's Dream<em>, with twinkling lights setting the flowers aglow.

Several trestle tables stood off to one side, overflowing with steaming food in chafing dishes and fruit and cheese piled on silver platters. Some of the guests were already filling plates, but a continuous line of people came to us with hugs, kisses and warm handshakes. Hearing their thoughts as they embraced Bella, seeing how absolutely she had won the hearts of so many people. . . it was incredible to witness. Even Jessica, who had abandoned their friendship in the months that I was absent, was genuinely happy for us and admired Bella's beauty and gracious attitude.

The familiar, hair-curling scent of werewolf filled my nostrils and I grinned in relief. Seth's mother hadn't dragged him away.

"Congrats, guys," Seth said with his normal cheerful tone.

Sue hung close to his side, not meeting my eyes and casting wary glances at Tanya's family. She was barely accepting of our presence and the new vampires were setting her nerves on edge. With her hair clipped into a short, harsh cut, she looked very much like Leah, although her eyes did not carry the same degree of bitter pain. On Seth's other side, Billy was more relaxed with his hands resting easily in his lap. He was happier than I had seen him for many weeks and his black eyes sparkled with warmth and good humor.

"It's good to see things work out for you, man. I'm happy for you," Seth grinned as he caught me in a scorching hug. Sue shuddered and her thoughts screamed against the unnatural friendship we shared.

"Thank you, Seth. That means a lot to me." I turned my head to include Sue and Billy, "Thank you, as well. For letting Seth come. For supporting Bella today."

"You're welcome," Billy replied in his gravelly voice. His thoughts remained focused on the gathering around us, but the brief image of a russet wolf and a flash of fatherly affection told me where his thoughts really were.

_Jacob. . ._

I hid my disappointment about his absence. Bella still did not know about my special invitation, and this was one secret I could not tell her. If she knew I had invited Jacob and he still hadn't come. . . well, she would be heartbroken. Seth waved goodbye and wheeled Billy to the banquet tables with Sue clinging closely to his side.

Angela and Ben were next. Seeing the love and respect they had for each other, I felt proud about the small part I had played in jump-starting their relationship. Ben had long since forgotten the offhand remarks I had made to encourage him to pursue her, but I had not. In this, I felt I had repaid Angela in a small way for all of her sweetness and tireless support of Bella. She deserved happiness and with Ben she seemed to have it.

Mr. and Mrs. Weber were next, brimming with pride and affection. I was surprised to be as strongly in their thoughts as Bella. Very few humans were so transparent in their goodness. With their influence, I didn't need Alice's vision to see a future filled with love and happiness for Angela and Ben.

I had to carefully modulate my expression when Tanya appeared before me. She eyed Bella critically, skeptical of my attachment to a human. When she hugged me it was just a little too close, just a little too long to be appropriate.

"Ah, Edward. I've missed you." Her voice was like warm silk, low and full of deeper meaning. Her thoughts, possessive and tinged with jealousy, made it clear that she saw Bella as nothing more than a fleeting obstacle to her goals. I put some distance between us, resolved to draw the line firmly and clearly, but also striving to act as a gentleman should.

"It's been too long, Tanya. You look well."

"So do you." Her eyes flicked over my chest and shoulders before she met my gaze again with slightly hooded eyes.

Kate, Carmen and Eleazar were staring openly at Bella, their curiosity plain in their thoughts and on their faces. Bella stiffened uncomfortably by my side under their scrutiny. I squared my shoulders against their doubt. For all the decades that we had been friends, they had never understood my solitude or my withdrawn attitude. They were puzzled by the transformation in me, and desperately trying to see how a fragile, seemingly helpless human had caused such a powerful change. They could not comprehend, because they did not know Bella. Yet.

"Let me introduce you to my wife." As that word sprang from my lips, I suddenly felt weightless. They all laughed in response to my voice bursting with pride, not fully understanding yet, but accepting. For Bella's sake, knowing her insecurity about my relationship with Tanya, I took the introduction one step further and personally introduced my chosen one, my soul mate, to her self-proclaimed rival. "Tanya, this is my Bella." Tanya took her hand in greeting, but her thoughts had still not completely let go of her 'claim' on me.

"Welcome to the family, Bella. We consider ourselves Carlisle's extended family, and I _am_ sorry about the, er, recent incident when we did not behave as such. We should have met you sooner. Can you forgive us?" This admission on their first meeting did set my mind at ease. Although her thoughts declared the truth of her feelings toward me, Tanya was making a visible effort to accept Bella and our marriage.

"Of course. It's so nice to meet you." Bella spoke breathlessly, obviously overwhelmed by the presence of four new vampires.

"The Cullens are all evened up in numbers now. Perhaps it will be our turn next, eh Kate?" Tanya joked with her sister.

"Keep the dream alive." Kate rolled her eyes in response. She had never been as man hungry as Tanya. Taking Bella's hand gently in her own, she greeted her with a smile, "Welcome, Bella."

Carmen stepped forward and placed her hand over Kate's. "I'm Carmen, this is Eleazar. We're all so very pleased to finally meet you."

"M-me, too," Bella stuttered.

Tanya glanced over her shoulder taking in the shocked expressions on the faces of Charlie's deputy, Mark, and his wife. Their thoughts were a whirl of fascination and instinctive fear. Tanya decided to move on, but she was amused by the petrified stare on Mark's face.

"We'll get to know each other later. We'll have _eons_ of time for that!" Tanya drew the others away, laughing.

The line moved more quickly now and we were soon free to fill a plate for Bella. I took more pleasure than I expected to waiting on her, bringing her more to drink and holding her hand as she picked at her food. In between bites, people were constantly joining us for polite conversation or endless streams of compliments on her hair, her jewelry, her dress or the decorations. Bella blushed profusely under the shower of attention, occasionally deferring the credit to Alice, Renee and Esme. I could not bear to leave her side for more than a moment, and then only if it was for her pleasure or comfort. Whenever I returned to her, she greeted me with a kiss. Activity was slowing as the buffet tables were gradually emptied of their burden.

Carlisle was the first to stand with a raised glass, clearing his throat to begin the toasts. My parents and the Denalis mimed drinking, surreptitiously emptying their champagne into the grass a little at a time. The champagne, sparkling non-alcoholic wine in our case, flowed freely, and the blessings and advice poured forth from every corner.

Alice stepped in at the first real pause, calling us up to cut the massive cake. It was four tiers high and decorated with intricate icing and curls of white chocolate. I knew this was the only part of the wedding planning that Bella had really been vocal about, but even she was stunned by the monstrous confection. Bella cringed away from the knife Alice handed her.

_It's fine, don't worry. I promise!_ Alice grinned at her reticence.

"She says it's fine, Bella," I whispered in her ear.

She smiled weakly at me as I wrapped my hand around hers and we sliced into the bottom layer. Cameras flashed and cheers rang out as I slid a healthy slice onto a waiting plate. Bella blushed fiercely when I scooped up a small clump of cake and icing and placed it between her waiting lips.

I set my jaw when it was my turn, hoping my smile did not look too artificial. I could see myself though the eyes of my brothers and sisters as they waited expectantly for me to balk.

Emmett was chanting in my head like a fraternity boy, _Eat it, Eat it, Eat it!_

Rosalie grimaced in disgust and turned away as Bella raised a small corner of the cake to my mouth.

Her eyes widened in shock as I carefully took the cake from her fingers with my lips and swallowed it down in one quick movement. I grimaced as the slimy chunk slid down my throat coating my esophagus with globs of icing.

Alice stepped in then, grabbed the knife, and deftly cut up most of the cake, handing out plates and forks to the long line that formed behind her. I rolled my eyes when I saw Jasper slip Emmett a wad of cash. Oh well, it served him right for betting against me.

We had very little respite before Alice was pulling Bella from my side and calling all the unmarried ladies out to an open space beside the tent. She even coaxed an unwilling Rosalie, Tanya and Kate out to join them. The three vampires drifted to the back of the crowd. But they laughed with the others when Bella threw her bouquet over her shoulder with uncanny accuracy, striking an astonished Angela in the center of her chest. The guys gathered around Ben, clapping him on the shoulder. Angela's smile was radiant.

Alice stopped Bella when she tried to follow the other girls as they returned to their seats. Jasper set a chair next to her and then Emmett was by my side, dragging me out to join her. When I realized the role I was about to play I grinned. I may not have consumed any alcohol, but the stimulant in my veins was dangerously potent all the same. Bella shot a mortified glance toward her father who looked on with chagrin. I watched her try to shimmy the garter further down her leg, but she stopped moving as I stalked over to stand before her. My brothers and sisters stood near the edge of the crowd, laughing and giggling at Bella's crimson cheeks and the sound of her racing heart.

I dropped down to one knee in the grass and looked up at her through half-lidded eyes. Slowly, I reached down and lifted her satin-clad foot. I slipped her shoe off amid screams from the ladies and raucous cheers from the men. I ran my hand slowly around her foot and up her ankle. With my other hand, I shoved her skirt up to her knee, revealing one shapely calf and a pure white garter of silk and lace adorned with seed pearls. The onlookers gasped as I lowered my lips to her skin and took the fragile fabric between my teeth.

_Don't you dare rip that, Edward Cullen! _Alice's thoughts scolded me.

Bella's heart was beating rapidly and her flesh trembled against my lips as I gently dragged the band down her leg and over her foot. With a wink for Bella, I shot the garter directly into the astonished face of Mike Newton.

_What!? Oh. . ._ His eyes darted over to Jessica and back to the feminine lace in his startled grasp. Jasper came up behind him and relieved him of his burden with a hearty chuckle before stuffing Alice's garter into his jacket pocket.

"You seem to enjoy embarrassing me."

"I enjoy seeing you blush. Embarrassment is just one way to stimulate that reaction."

"Right. And you call yourself a gentleman," Bella scolded.

The music was starting again. I watched Bella flex her toes before slipping her foot back into her shoe and I offered her a hand to escort her to the dance floor. In the center of the open space, with the sparkling lights all around us, Bella looked like an angel. All she was missing was a pair of iridescent wings to complete the picture. Bella spun and swayed in my arms, following my lead with grace and delicacy. She was a much better dancer than she ever gave herself credit for.

"Enjoying the party, Mrs. Cullen?" Saying those words out loud was surreal, but so satisfying.

"That will take a while to get used to," Bella laughed.

"We have a while," I reminded her, and leaned down to claim her lips. Cameras flashed incessantly, creating the illusion of being trapped inside a mirrored ball. We were alone with each other, floating with the music.

As the song drew to a close, I stepped back, finally aware of the thoughts that encircled us. The music changed and Charlie appeared next to me, cutting in to take his final dance with his daughter, his only child. Of all the people in attendance, Charlie's thoughts carried the deepest grief and longing. He had watched his daughter grow from a distance; with school pictures, mailed artwork, and too-short visits that were always spaced too far apart. In mere moments, his baby girl had blossomed into a radiant young woman, and now he had given her away. I was uncomfortably conscious of the fact that tonight could be the last time he saw her face. His grief was so profound on this, her wedding day. I dreaded the day when he would attend her 'funeral' and say goodbye to her for all eternity. It would shatter him.

Subdued by my reflections, I accompanied Esme onto the dance floor, allowing the music to dictate my steps as I reflected on my decisions. Esme sensed my melancholy mood and danced gracefully with me, silent in word and thought.

As the song faded away, I took Esme's hand and we rejoined Carlisle. No sooner had Charlie released Bella's hands, shuffling uncomfortably in his tuxedo, when a friend of Charlie's claimed her for the next dance. I watched for several moments, content to drink her in from a distance. With a kiss on my cheek, Esme took Carlisle's hand and they joined the revelers, dancing with inhuman grace.

The glob of cake in my stomach was starting to distract me. It was thick and glutinous and nauseating. With a backward glance at Bella, I returned to the house and fled to the bathroom. Shutting and locking the door, I bent over the toilet, shuddering as I prepared myself for the unpleasantness that was to come. Vampires do not have a gag reflex, and the process of expelling solid food is repulsive and uncomfortable. Leaning forward over the bowl, I tensed and forced my stomach to contract and push the cake up. Inch by arduous inch, I coerced it back up my throat. I felt its slow progress marked by a trail of oily residue. Finally I choked and spat the revolting morsel into the toilet, flushing instantly.

But my ordeal was not over. I turned on the sink, cupped my hands, and scooped handful after handful of water into my mouth, forcing myself to swallow the metallic tasting fluid. My stomach felt close to bursting and my body was shivering with the discomfort of the water sloshing around inside me. I bent over the toilet again, expelling all of the water from my mouth again in a massive, retching geyser. As I choked out the last drops, I gasped in relief. The water had almost completely rinsed away the foul material.

I very nearly groaned out loud when I heard the shuffle of human footsteps outside the door. Phil knocked on the door hesitantly.

"Everything okay in there?" His solicitous thoughts were well intended but rattled my nerves.

"I'm fine, I'll be out in a moment," I called back.

I glared at my reflection in the mirror. My brief struggle had taken its toll on my appearance and I took a minute to straighten my shirt and fix my bow tie. I inhaled deeply, held it for ten seconds, and then released it in a rush. It was time to reclaim my bride.

I stepped out of the bathroom and was startled by Phil's immediate assumptions when he recognized me.

"Hey, kid. Don't worry about a thing. We all have nerves on our wedding day! Of course, most people get sick before the ceremony, but I admire you for holding it together like you did. A lot of my teammates toss their cookies before a big game. Nothing to be ashamed of. Just take some deep breaths and you'll be fine." He patted me on the shoulder reassuringly.

I gave him a weak smile, unable to formulate a reply that wouldn't make things more difficult, and I fled the house as rapidly as I dared.

My first reaction when I caught sight of Bella on the dance floor with Mike Newton was one of amusement. . . until I picked his thoughts from among the tumult in my head. Then I was livid.

"Excuse me, Mike, somebody was looking for you inside." I took advantage of his startled pause to whirl Bella away from his despicable embrace. Bella was surprised when I edged Mike out of the way.

"Still not that fond of Mike, eh?"

"Not when I have to listen to his thoughts. He's lucky I didn't kick him out. Or worse."

"Yeah, right." She blushed at my implication, but her wry tone belied her complete ignorance of her spectacular appearance.

"Have you had a chance to look at yourself?" I asked suspiciously.

"Um. No, I guess not. Why?" Just like I thought.

"Then I suppose you don't realize how utterly, heartbreakingly beautiful you are tonight. I'm not surprised Mike's having improper thoughts about a married woman. I _am_ disappointed that Alice didn't make sure you were forced to look in a mirror."

"You are very biased, you know."

"Biased, am I?" I questioned as I turned our bodies to face the mirror-like glass windows of the house. I pointed to the couple beneath the glow of the canopy. Bella floated with the grace of her namesake, clothed in pristine white, delicate as a lily blooming amid the morning mists.

Her eyes widened in disbelief. Her face was frozen in shocked realization as she finally drew the connection between herself and the angelic figure in the reflection. I was enjoying her revelation too much. My preoccupation was the only thing that made me pause when a familiar mental voice called my name.

"Oh!" _Jacob is here. Right now!_ I anticipated Bella's reaction and my face broke into a grin.

"What is it?"

"A surprise wedding gift." I dragged out the surprise, enjoying the knowledge that I had succeeded in contributing even more to the perfection of this night.

"Huh?" She was bewildered. She had no way of expecting him here, but her delight was going to be so sweet to behold. Her confusion now was icing on the cake.

Hmmm. Bad analogy.

I drew her back into my arms, leading her in a gradual dance away from the lights and noise. In the darkness, beneath the sheltering branches of one of the ancient cedars, Jacob Black watched and waited. He, too, was stunned by her image tonight.

I quickly found his figure, lurking in the dark shadows. His frame was thinner, depleted by the weeks of hard running and a wolf's diet. There were obviously no Doritos in the depths of the Rocky Mountain's overgrown forests.

"Thank you. This is very. . . kind of you," I spoke into the shadows.

I saw his thoughts as he took in the sight of her, flushed and radiant with joy and excitement. His heart was straining with the agony and the irony. He had wanted her to be happy, and here she stood before him. . . bursting with happiness. But it was not with him. And the pain of his bruised and bleeding heart was clear in every fractured dream that flew through his mind.

He came for her, to bring her peace and joy. He came as her best friend. He came because he loved her. And it was destroying him to be so close to us. To me.

"Kind is my middle name. Can I cut in?" He tempered his sarcasm with a gentle tone, but his voice was husky with the strain.

Bella's hand flew to her throat and she sagged against me in shock.

"Jacob! Jacob!"

"Hey there, Bells." She took three stumbling steps forward and I gripped her elbow gently to make sure she didn't fall. Jacob pulled her into a tight embrace, resting his cheek against her hair as she buried her face in his chest.

_Thank you for inviting me. I'm just glad I chose to come._

Jacob's thoughts were still jumbled, but he was warmed by Bella's instant acceptance of his arrival. Confident that I had been right to invite him, and relieved that he had appeared, I left to give them some time alone. To reminisce. To say goodbye.

"Rosalie won't forgive me if she doesn't get her official turn on the dance floor," I explained as I stepped away. Bella hardly noticed me turning to leave and I felt a sudden, unwelcome stab of insecurity. I stubbornly pushed it away.

"Oh, Jacob. Thank you." Bella was crying already. She always seemed to have tears for Jacob. But these were tears of joy and relief, I reminded myself.

"Stop blubbering, Bella. You'll ruin your dress. It's just me."

"Just? Oh, Jake! Everything is perfect now."

_Yes, I guess everything is_, I smiled to myself, scanning the crowd for my sister. As much as I was able, I pushed their hushed conversation and Jacob's emotional thoughts to the back of my mind. I wanted Bella to have complete privacy to say her goodbyes to her best friend, the only friend who had been there for her when I had not. For that, and for coming tonight, I was forever indebted to Jacob Black.

Alice had already warned Rosalie that I was looking for her. Her talent was very convenient. . . most of the time. Rosalie stood near the dance floor with her hand held out, waiting. I took her proffered hand, guiding her to the least crowded corner. The first notes of "Lady in Red" filled the night air and I couldn't suppress my smile. If there was any song ever written to honor Rosalie, this would be it.

While she was clothed in silver tonight, her striking features and regal bearing drew the eyes of every man who saw her. As usual, thoughts ranged from stunned confusion to blatant lust. But the strongest of them all came from Emmett, hovering near the back of the crowd, anxious for this song to end so he could have her by his side again. I sympathized, but this dance was important to me. The days leading up to today had been difficult for Rosalie. Everyone was in a flurry over the wedding preparations. The topic dominated all conversations and the house was exploding with decorations, lists, sketches and samples. The profusion of flowers that arrived over the last 48 hours had forced us to vacate furniture from two rooms and bring in portable air conditioners to keep them fresh.

To put it simply, Rosalie had not had a moment of comfort or silence for days. And yet, she had played the role of a devoted sister, preparing Bella for this monumental occasion. She had graced the ceremony with a piano performance so polished and moving that many of the guests had been unable to stop talking about it.

We fell automatically into a smooth dance with Rosalie leading as often as I did. Much like our relationship, our dancing displayed our strong personalities, our opinionated natures, and our constant struggle for superiority. But tonight there was no edge to our playful competition. Tonight I was enjoying my sister's company and happy to show my extreme gratitude for everything she had done. Everything she had been to me over the decades.

"I know I said it earlier, but thank you," I began.

"Edward, you don't need to thank me. I didn't do any more than anyone else."

"Ahhh, but you don't understand. Nobody else could have played today like you did. Nobody else could have captured the essence of our love and turned it into music the way you did. Your renditions of Pachelbel's Canon and Wagner's Wedding Chorus were the most original, the most romantic I have ever heard."

Rosalie rolled her eyes and turned away, attempting to brush off my compliments like idle flattery. But her thoughts betrayed her true insecurity and the rush of gratitude she felt with my appreciation. We did not speak again for the duration of the dance, but Rosalie's steps were lighter, her smile softer. We were seeing eye-to-eye for the first time in many years. It felt wonderful.

Emmett barely waited for the song to end before cutting in. Unoffended, I laughed and wove my way through the crowd until I found Seth. He was standing by the buffet table, picking over the remains of the feast and filling what I knew was his fifth plate. He greeted me with a sheepish shrug and dug in. Memories of my recent foray into ingesting human food made my insides churn until I turned away for a moment. He eyed my strained expression sympathetically and finished his portion quickly.

We sat at an empty table, watching the guests enjoying themselves and made small talk about the Pack. It was always fascinating for me to hear about Quil's unique relationship with little Claire. Rather than being shocked or disgusted by the implications, I was in awe of the purity and uncompromising nature of his love for Claire. For a human, even one with the supernatural shape-shifting abilities, to develop a love so deep and all-encompassing was fascinating. The only bond that I knew to be stronger was that of a mated vampire, and even then it often lacked the pure selflessness of the imprint bond.

We were both laughing over the latest evidence of Quil's complete subservience to the diminutive imp when I was struck by a rush of images laced with confusion, fear, hatred and despair that almost bent me double with the pain.

The familiar mental voice, gurgling with bitter disgust, made the source immediately apparent. Struggling to maintain the human façade, I rose and moved urgently toward the spot where I had left Bella. Seth didn't ask a single question, he just fell into step behind me, somehow knowing my destination and the probable cause for my abrupt departure. Bella's words and Jacob's thoughts were pounding into my head with painful clarity.

Across the clearing I could see them, standing close together, mostly hidden within the shadows of the encroaching woods. Bella's tiny figure was completely dwarfed by Jacob's towering frame. Jacob's eyes bulged wide with a strange kind of bewildered horror. His mind was replaying Bella's most recent words, struggling with his confusion and denial. _"I'm not putting anything off. And yes I can have a real honeymoon! I can do anything I want! Butt out!"_

_A real honeymoon? Then that means. . . They are going to. . . Oh, God, no! _

Images of Bella and me in intimate positions flashed through his head. But in every one, Bella was being crushed by my monstrous strength. Bella's wide eyes, blank and empty, stared back at me. The pictures, thrust into my mind against my will filled me with revulsion and self-loathing.

"What? What did you say?" he choked out. His shock and disgust were quickly giving way to rising fury.

"About what. . .? Jake? What's wrong?" Bella was puzzled and oblivious to her danger. Already, I felt the air around Jacob shimmering. He was straining to maintain control, but rapidly losing the battle.

I cursed the crowd around me that forced me to move so slowly. Ten pairs of eyes followed me, my family and friends confused by my sudden departure. Jasper keyed in on the powerful rage emanating from their direction. Emmett and Jasper moved to the edge of the crowd, walking several paces toward the shadows while pretending to be deep in conversation, waiting for my signal to step in.

"What do you mean? Have a real honeymoon? While you're still human? Are you kidding? That's a sick joke, Bella!"

"I said butt out, Jake. This is _so_ not your business. I shouldn't have. . . we shouldn't even be talking about this. It's private—"

Jacob's hands were wrapped around Bella's upper arms. Through his eyes I saw her face contort in pain. At that moment, all disgust I held for myself disappeared. It was replaced by a cold fury.

"Ow, Jake! Let go!"

_He was hurting her!_ _How dare he_? _I would tear his throat out!_

"Bella! Have you lost your mind? You can't be that stupid! Tell me you're joking!" Jake was trembling, shaking her in his anger. Her head whipped back and forth and I no longer cared if anyone saw me. I was going to tear the mutt's body to pieces and nothing, nobody, was going to stop me!

My thoughts were crowded with alarmed voices. Two wolves, Sam and Quil, were converging on the same spot. The deep tenor of Sam Uley's thoughts resonated in my head.

_Edward, let us handle this._

I wanted to curse him for interfering. This confrontation had been brewing for over a year. I should have ended it months ago. All of my efforts to protect Bella's feelings when the real danger was physical suddenly seemed silly and weak. I was a fool.

"Jake—stop!" Bella cried. He showed no sign of hearing her.

Sam and Quil emerged from the densely packed trees, tense and ready to spring on Jacob or me. With Bella in the center of the conflict, I had to restrain myself. If she was hurt in any way. . .

"Take your hands off her!" I hissed, wanting to remove them myself. His arms, too, if necessary.

Sam snarled threateningly. I held my ground.

"Jake, bro, back away. You're losing it," Seth urged. His voice was low and calm, but forceful. Jacob still did not move. His face was frozen in horror and his eyes were transfixed by his inner vision.

"You'll hurt her. Let her go."

Seth was whispering intensely now, trying to break through to Jacob's consciousness. I could not just stand there with Bella in pain. Her face was strained as Jacob's vise-like grip shut off all blood flow to her tortured arms.

"Now!" I snarled.

Jacob flinched and dropped his arms, no longer frozen but still stunned. Before anybody else could react, I picked Bella up and flew back several paces, placing myself between her and the rabid dog. Sam and Quil were in front of him and Seth had his arms locked about his torso. He was struggling with Jacob, trying desperately to pull him back into the woods.

"C'mon, Jake. Let's go."

Jacob was shaking harder now, his murderous gaze fixed on me. Bella was clinging to me, trying to peer around my body as her former best friend threatened my life.

"I'll kill you! I'll kill you myself! I'll do it now!" His voice was a raspy whisper, but it carried all the strength of a roar.

He was imagining himself shredding my body, tearing me with his teeth, burning the scraps of flesh. He was beyond hatred, beyond fury. He was so consumed by passionate loathing that he no longer cared for his own life. The only thing preventing him from changing and lunging at me was his fear that he would kill Seth in the process. Sam growled ferociously, forbidding me to attack, urging Jacob to retreat.

I was done with these games. This boy had challenged me before and I had calmly stepped aside. I had respected him and been grateful to him for befriending Bella. For her sake I had never allowed myself to harm him, even when he crossed every line of decency and decorum. But he presumed too much. To lay his hands on my wife, to even attempt to detain her. . . it was not to be tolerated.

"Seth, get out of the way," I ordered. I almost wanted him to attack. If Bella could only see what a monster he could be, how little self-control he truly had, how little regard he had for her happiness or safety when it did not agree with his sensibilities!

If Bella had chosen him, I would have stepped aside. I would have been a torn, broken shell, but I would have done it for her.

But she hadn't chosen him. She had chosen me. She had said yes to _me_. And nobody had the right to take that away from her. Least of all this miserable, selfish child.

"Don't do it, Jake. Walk away. C'mon." Seth continued to pull on Jacob, heaving against his weight to drag him to safety. Safe from me, safe from himself. Sam added his bulk to the battle, forcing Jacob to retreat with his massive head pressed against his chest.

Quil remained between us, watching their retreat, hating to see his friend reduced to this agony and the indignity of being dragged away and disgraced before the woman he loved. Bella was shaking with shock and fear.

"I'm sorry," she whispered to Quil. Her voice trembled and I was afraid she was about to cry.

"It's all right now, Bella," I reassured her.

Quil turned to me. His eyes were filled with loathing.

_It is not all right. Ever since your kind returned, it has been anything but all right. If it weren't for Sam, I would have let him kill you._

His admission was not a threat, but a statement of fact. He would have little remorse if every member of my family were destroyed. He would have tried to avenge his friend's pain if it weren't for the orders of his Alpha.

I accepted his thoughts with a cold nod. Despite his anger, I held no enmity for him. To me he was still a boy, devoted to his tribe, his pack, and his imprint. He accepted my dismissal with a huff and disappeared into the woods.

"All right," I murmured to myself. It was all right now, wasn't it? Turning back to Bella, I spoke louder. "Let's get back."

"But Jake—," She was still stunned by everything that had transpired.

"Sam has him in hand. He's gone," I reassured her. I could no longer even hear their thoughts.

"Edward, I'm so sorry. I was stupid—" Her face collapsed into grief and guilt as the full impact of the conflict settled on her.

"You did nothing wrong—" I tried to stop her self blame, but she was persistent.

"I have such a big mouth! Why would I. . . I shouldn't have let him get to me like that. What was I thinking?"

_Bro, what happened? Is everything okay?_ Emmett asked from a distance while Jasper tested the calmer mood. I nodded curtly in response.

"Don't worry." I stroked her face gently, searching for any signs of residual pain.

With a bitter taste in my mouth, I turned my thoughts to the human throng, carefully searching for any indication that there had been witnesses to the scuffle. All was clear, although several people seemed curious as to our whereabouts.

"We need to get back to the reception before somebody notices our absence," I cautioned.

"Give me two seconds," Bella pleaded pitifully. Her eyes were wild and frantic shifting from me, to the spot where Jacob had disappeared, and back. She tilted her head back, willing away the tears. I saw her face take on a steely resolve as she locked away her own chaotic thoughts and smoothed her hands down her skirt. "My dress?"

"You look fine. Not a hair out of place." And, surprisingly, she _did_ look fine. My admiration for her strength jumped even higher. She took two more deep breaths, straightened her shoulders and murmured, "Okay. Let's go."

Wrapping her in a protective embrace, I led her back to the light and the happy celebration. The passage from dark to light felt symbolic; moving from danger to safety. I felt my mood lighten with each step. We stepped back onto the dance floor under the watchful eyes of ten vampires. Tanya's gaze was critical and very curious. She had picked up the stench of more werewolves, listened to their snaps and snarls, and begun to second guess her previous apology. When my eyes caught hers, she lowered her gaze demurely and her thoughts became unreadable, as if a fog had swept across her mind.

While I was feeling relief, Bella was still stiff in my arms. Her brow was drawn down and her lips were pressed together. She was unusually pale.

"Are you—"

"I'm fine." Her voice was firm, but she was anything but fine. I knew immediately that she was heaping the blame for everything that had transpired on her own narrow shoulders. "I can't believe I did that. What's wrong with me?" she continued.

"Nothing is wrong with _you_."

Physically she seemed to be okay. But emotionally? My good-will gesture had backfired more horrifically than I could have imagined. Had I really considered destroying her friend right in front of her? On our wedding day?

Now that the immediate danger was gone, my rage was being replaced with self-disgust. I had no more control than Jacob, a seventeen-year-old boy. And his fears, his accusations. . . were they really so misplaced? Weren't those the very same visions that haunted me every day and night?

Those mental images forced me to pull away every time I wanted to lean closer. Demanded that I stop the kiss or the caress before my brittle self-control could be tested too far. I lived each moment with Bella on a knife's edge, with fear and desire pulling me desperately to one side, then the other.

And I was not the only one suffering. Bella did not realize that I heard the strain in her voice and felt the tension in her shoulders whenever I pulled away. She did not know how my heart ached when she lowered her eyes to conceal her constant disappointment.

Now that our honeymoon loomed before me, I was questioning whether I had been _too_ cautious. Her blood was no longer a temptation to me, although her scent still scorched my throat like a firebrand. However, my physical need for her was barely controlled and had not abated one bit. I had hoped to be somewhat desensitized. But, if anything, it was stronger and more forceful than ever!

I was wrong to have promised to _try_. Learning to control my diabolical thirst around humans had taken decades of self-control and stringent focus. How could I have hoped to subdue my base physical urges in just a few short months? How could I hope to fulfill my promise without losing control when I had never seen her body or touched her intimately?

I knew from the things I saw and heard in the minds of countless people that I was unprepared for the sensations of smell, sight, touch and sound that I was sure to experience. And the taste. . . the taste of her tears and her saliva were a constant torment to my throat. . . a tortuous temptation that I could not resist. But to taste her sweat, to smell her arousal, to touch her bare skin. . . Would she forgive me if I told her I couldn't do it?

But I promised. . . I said we would try.

_Try_.

"It's over. Let's not think of it again tonight." I was startled from my reverie by her firm tone. I felt her eyes searching my face. "Edward?" I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against hers with a silent groan.

"Jacob is right. What am I thinking?"

"He is not. Jacob is way too prejudiced to see anything clearly."

"I _should_ let him kill me for even thinking of being with you like that," I muttered under my breath.

"Stop it!" she commanded authoritatively. Her hot hands were firmly holding my face and eventually I forced myself to open my eyes. The power and conviction in her eyes was shocking. "You and me. That's the only thing that matters. The only thing you're allowed to think about right now. Do you hear me?"

"Yes," I sighed. I could not say no to her. I tried, but it was impossible to shape the word.

"Forget Jacob came. For me. Promise that you'll let this go."

I stared into her eyes, looking for any sign of weakness or hesitation. But she gazed, unflinching, back into mine. She was my commander, the sovereign of my soul. I would do my best to please her. I would make her happy. I had no choice.

"I promise."

"Thank you. Edward, I'm not afraid."

"I am," I confessed.

"Don't be. By the way, I love you." She smiled sweetly and my black emotions began to melt away.

"That's why we're here." I ventured a small smile in return.

"You're monopolizing the bride. Let me dance with my little sister. This could be my last chance to make her blush." Emmett cut in, loud, obnoxious, and grinning wickedly.

_Alice and Jasper want to talk to you._

I reluctantly relinquished her hand to my brother, smiling a little as he whirled her around at a dizzying speed.

Jasper and Alice stood back from the crowd. Jasper's face was set and tense. The distilled hatred and anger that Jacob felt for me had set his nerves on edge. He stood close to Alice, protectively shadowing her every move. With a terse jerk of his head, he gestured to a dark figure, black and thick with shaggy fur, which hovered several paces into the trees.

_Sam._

I approached the alpha wolf cautiously, trying to sense his thoughts and mood, but they were tightly controlled. Standing an arm's length from his gigantic form, I was struck again with wonder for the shape shifters. Their bodies, though enormous, were tightly packed bundles of muscle and sinew. His fangs glistened razor-sharp in the twinkling light. Fangs that, with the rest of his body, became a carefully contrived, highly efficient, killing machine.

Sam's eyes were level with mine, calculating and cold. Images flickered through his mind, interlaced with the central essence of his existence; to protect his land and his people. Every sense told him that I was the enemy. But he subjugated his instincts to his higher reason, forcing himself, and his pack, to give us space and honor the generations-old treaty.

_I wish to thank you for lifting the treaty boundaries so that Seth could attend the ceremony. He was honored to be your guest tonight. But the ceremony is over now. We will not cross the boundary line again._

"Thank you. I understand. We were grateful for his presence."

I felt there was more. Sam would not have appeared so tightly controlled if this was the entirety of his message. Finally, I heard the words flowing freely from his thoughts.

_Jacob has been subdued, but just barely. I almost lost two members of my pack tonight. While I cannot place the blame for this incident on you and your family, your presence is the very power beneath the turmoil. Tonight was just a hint of what will come if things end badly. I am here to warn you. _

His gaze intensified and his thoughts were clipped jabs in my mind.

_The treaty was almost broken tonight. If you or any member of your family harms a human being in any way, we will have no choice but to act. We are, and always will be, watching you. _

My jaw was set. I did not trust myself to speak. Instead, I dipped my head in understanding, turned on my heel and made my way back to my siblings. I repeated the conversation for them as Jasper stared menacingly over my shoulder into the woods.

Four pairs of eyes, and four heavy heartbeats thudded in the night. Seth was not present and I hoped he was with Jacob. The four wolves that watched us from the shadows waited for several more minutes before Sam gave the command to return to their territory. They would not return again unless invited. Judging by the stiff postures and raging thoughts of my family, that was not likely to happen soon.

From the outskirts of the human congregation, I watched Bella twirling around the dance floor with a long succession of partners; friends of her father, the pediatrician from the hospital, classmates from school. She was finally relaxed, showing every evidence of enjoying herself.

_Let's not think of it again tonight. . . _I promised.

Her gentle blushes and sweetly curving smile were like a balm, cooling my anger and soothing my nerves. The current song drifted to a close and I stepped to her side quickly, cutting off two prospective partners.

My healing was complete when she melted into my arms, welcoming me with her radiant smile. She rested her head against my chest, the first signs of fatigue curving her shoulders and slowing her steps.

"I could get used to this."

"Don't tell me you've gotten over your dancing issues?" I teased.

"Dancing isn't so bad—with you. But I was thinking more of this, of never having to let you go." Her arms tightened around me, infusing me with her luxurious heat.

"Never," I agreed.

Words that imparted a sense of eternity had driven me to despair since I was trapped in this body, stagnant in a monotonous life. How wonderful they sounded now with such a perfect partner to share that eternity with.

I leaned down to kiss her, capturing her waiting lips with the force of my love and devotion. Our mouths moved against each other slowly, her tender flesh heating mine. Her heart rate picked up and I followed its pace, moving my hand gradually up her back, running over the dozens of pearl buttons that lined her backbone.

With my hand between her shoulder blades, I pressed her body against mine until her heat molded around me like a liquid flame. Her head was tilted back and turned slightly to the left. The pulsing blood in her throat sent waves of delicious warmth against my chest and neck. My other hand was tracing her hipbone, feeling the tension in her muscles as she stood slightly higher on her toes to meet my hungry kisses with her own.

"Bella! It's time!" Alice's chirping voice was accompanied by a pointed thought from her mind, showing me the faces of dozens of onlookers. As if I cared. As if I was going to allow one more interruption to take me away from the only place I longed to be, buried in Bella's embrace.

I willed my sister away, trying to recapture the magic from a moment before. Bella's heart was sprinting and her body was glowing with a fine sheen of sweat. The fire was unbelievable, not just in my throat, but throughout my entire body. Her hands on my neck pulled me continuously closer.

Alice refused to be put off so easily.

"Do you want to miss your plane? I'm sure you'll have a lovely honeymoon camped out at the airport waiting for another flight."

"Go away, Alice," I murmured, praying that she would just disappear. Anything that required me moving from this spot was not an option. Bella's lips met mine more eagerly than before. I could only imagine what thoughts were going through her mind. Mine had only one focus.

Exasperated, Alice changed her tactics, bullying Bella now. "Bella, do you want to wear that dress on the airplane?" Bella didn't react at all, as if she hadn't even heard Alice.

Shifting her attention back to me, Alice growled, "I'll tell her where you're taking her, Edward. So help me, I will."

That woke me up. She wouldn't dare. . . But as I read her mind, I saw that she would. In fact, she was willing to say or do almost anything to make sure the last scene of her fairy-tale wedding was played perfectly, with every person in their place.

"You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating."

"I didn't pick out the perfect going-away dress to have it wasted," she snapped back. "Come with me, Bella." She claimed one of Bella's hands and began to drag her away, but Bella did not submit immediately. Bella stood on her tip-toes to kiss me one more time before Alice jerked her arm impatiently, but still so carefully, and hauled her away, to the amusement of several onlookers.

That last kiss, the brush of her tender lips, sent such a jolt of fire through my stomach that I was frozen to the ground for the duration of the song. I was awakened from my stupor by the sound of Rosalie, clearing her throat theatrically while Emmett slung his arm across my shoulders.

"You have the deer-in-the-headlights look. You have_ no_ idea what's about to hit you!" Emmett snickered.

I saw her intention before she acted and ducked forward to avoid Emmett's recoil. Rosalie smacked him in the back of the head with a loud crack.

I watched him rub his head with an innocent expression plastered on my face. "I'm sorry. What was that? Someone was about to hit someone else in the back of the head?"

Emmett's eyes went from shocked betrayal to indignation.

_Just you wait. . ._

Stifling a laugh, I broke away from the pair and entered the house. Jasper brushed past me, jingling my car keys with a wink. The crowd had mellowed considerably with the good food, champagne and hours of dancing. They were trickling back into the house in pairs and trios, speaking in quiet tones. Unaware of the catastrophe that had been narrowly averted earlier, the feeling of warmth and well being settled over the crowd like a layer of down. I keyed in on Bella's voice, full of unshed tears and the weight of her goodbyes.

"I love you, mom. I'm so glad you have Phil. Take care of each other."

"I love you, too, Bella, honey." Her arm was wrapped around Bella as they descended the stairs.

"Goodbye, Mom. I love you."

Bella's eyes found me and she placed her hand in my outstretched one. For the second time tonight, I was watching an angel descend to my level. I mouthed a quiet thank you to Alice, who watched our reunion with a satisfied grin. She had earned every ounce of self-congratulations she was showering on herself.

Bella's figure was wrapped in finely woven, dark blue cotton. Two panels crossed in the front to form a modest V-neck, gathering into folds at her slender waist. The skirt flared and swirled around her knees as she moved, barely caressing her calves. Alice had dressed her in sensible shoes, for a change, with just enough heel to tighten her calf muscles in the most becoming manner. The three-quarter sleeves of her dress left her delicate wrists bare, a fragrant pulse point that always attracted me with its tantalizing smell and satin-soft skin. Her hair had been released from the braids and pins. Instead, it hung in heavy waves around her shoulders and down her back. Her scent washed over me, more potent than ever.

Bella's eyes scanned the crowd and it was easy to surmise who she was searching for.

"Dad?" she asked, her voice still strained with unshed tears.

"Over here." I guided her through the throng, grateful that people pulled back to let us through. I followed an invisible path to the tangled web of grief that was Charlie's mind. We found him leaning against the back wall, slightly turned away from the crowd, his eyes rimmed with red as he anticipated saying goodbye to his baby girl.

"Oh, Dad!" Bella cried, wrapping an arm around his waist.

"There, now. You don't want to miss your plane." Charlie patted her back awkwardly, wanting to cry like her, but holding on to his composure.

"I love you forever, Dad. Don't forget that."

"You, too, Bells. Always have, always will." Charlie did not think or speak of love easily. His voice was rough but so full of truth that I ached for him.

Charlie kissed her wet cheek at the same time that she pressed her lips against his. His mind registered brief pleasure at the daughterly sign of affection. They were both so similar; self conscious and restrained, shy and reticent. Now he regretted not hugging and kissing her more. He had lost so much time to their separation that letting go now was like tearing out a piece of his soul. I knew how he felt. She was difficult to say goodbye to, even under the best conditions.

"Call me."

"Soon," she promised, her eyes tightening. This was goodbye. Forever. She hid the depth of her anguish so well.

I hated that I was taking her away from this. Her father and her mother loved her so completely. They needed her. Sure, Renee had Phil now. But Charlie had nobody. He was alone in this world, cast adrift at an early age, remaining stoic but lonely as the years dragged on. And I was walking out the door with his only comfort. Alice had once said that Bella was all he had. Losing her would kill him. I prayed that was not the case.

"Go on, then. Don't want to be late," he spoke gruffly, gently turning her to face me again.

I thanked him with a smile, dipping my head in an informal bow of gratitude and respect. Looking into his heartbroken gaze, I felt the full weight of his trust and approval. It took him a long time be able to offer me that, but Bella's obvious devotion eventually swayed his opinion of me. I was both honored and guilt-stricken. If he knew what I was, what I planned to do to his daughter, he would never. . .

Hiding my true emotions, I drew Bella against my side and we exited the house, rushing down the aisle formed by our cheering guests.

"Are you ready?" I asked her quietly as we burst back out into the cooling night air.

"I am," she replied simply, answering so many questions at once.

Forgetting my guilt and hesitation, I pulled her against me for another kiss. This time, thanking her for blessing me with her love and her vow of eternity.

We rushed to the car amid a shower of rice. One individual was pelting me in the back with supernatural strength and accuracy. I didn't resent Emmett's revenge. Rose hit harder, anyway.

Shielding Bella from the worst of the storm, I opened the door for her and waited until she was in before crossing to the driver's side. Jasper had left the keys in the ignition and our passports, boarding passes and money in both currencies were in an envelope in the center console. Perfect.

Bella rolled down her window, leaning out and waving to our families and friends. She called out "I love you!" as we sped away. She craned her head around, watching them until the happy picture was completely hidden from view. I squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"I love you," I said simply.

"That's why we're here," she repeated my own words back to me. Grinning widely, I leaned over to kiss her hair.

Moments later, I heard the noise of pursuit.

A large body crashed through the forest off to the left, keeping pace with us as I flung the Volvo through the winding turns. I kept my face impassive, watching the lights streak by us in vivid white streams. His thoughts were pulsing in my mind, primal and overpowering. Gone were the vivid images from earlier. All that remained in his mind were the raw feelings of torment and soul-shattering agony. He had given himself over completely to the instincts of the wolf.

Turning onto the highway, I punched the accelerator. The pistons opened up with a throaty growl, unleashing the engine's full force in a sudden leap forward.

The stillness of the night air was shattered by a piercing howl, but it faded swiftly into the distance. Bella didn't even flinch. I prayed she didn't hear the farewell cry of her abandoned friend. Soon after, the only trace of Jacob Black that remained was the throbbing knot of guilt and regret in my stomach.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! Reviews make me happier than Emmett after winning a bet. *winks*<strong>


	4. First Night

All characters and plot developments belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**This chapter corresponds to Breaking Dawn Book 1 Chapter 5 - _Isle Esme_**

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><p>I caressed Bella's hand gently with my thumb as we walked the last 50 feet down the Sea-Tac Airport concourse.<p>

A harried mother stood off to the side, scolding her young son for losing a shoe.

_Oh Lord, please help me make it through this flight. If one more thing goes wrong I just don't know. . . _

Behind me, the _squeak, squeak, squeak_ of a broken caster drew attention to another one of the many voices humming through my mind. . .

_She can't resist packing 'just one more thing', can she? This suitcase is going to burst! There's no way they'll let us keep it as a carry-on. . . and I'll spend the entire flight listening to her whining about her sister instead of finishing that book. _

I felt a little sympathy for the disgruntled man. Not every man was blessed somebody like Bella in his life.

Stopping at our gate, I turned to Bella, marveling again at the beautiful creature who was now my wife. As I gazed into her curious eyes, I felt like my silent heart would burst with pure, unadulterated joy.

"Houston?" Bella asked with her eyebrows raised. Her curiosity was roiling beneath the surface of her usually calm gaze.

"Just a stop along the way," I assured her with a gentle smile. I tried to contain my excitement as I imagined her response to our honeymoon retreat. I had planned it all in meticulous detail, and I hoped, dared to dream, that she would love it. I tried not to think beyond her reaction to the location; quickly squashing my nervous doubts as we swiftly boarded the plane.

Bella sighed. A tiny smile played across her lips as she settled gratefully into her plush leather seat.

I glanced down the length of the plane. The cabin was barely one third full, and only five other passengers shared the first-class section at the front of the cabin. In less than one breath, I assessed those closest to us. My survival instincts were subconscious, quickly reading their surface thoughts, looking for negative reactions or threatening intentions. Reassured, I turned my attention back to the frail human girl. . . no, _woman_. . . at my side.

For decades I had struggled to come to terms with my unnatural existence. I questioned my purpose and the justification for a species that seemed to be cursed. . . Hideous, monstrous, parasitic creatures that we were.

_Vampires_. Part of me had always recoiled from the word.

But, no longer.

Glancing down again, I watched the steady rise and fall of Bella's chest. Her even breathing, slow, gentle heartbeat, the faint rosy flush of her cheeks. . . they mesmerized me.

To think, when I had first caught her scent less than two years ago, I had _hated_ her. Hungered for her blood, I had planned her demise over and over in horrifying detail. I had thought her a demon sent to destroy me and the lives of my family.

Instead, she was my purest gift. She was my salvation.

I absently noted the flight attendants readying the cabin for departure, but I could not take my eyes from her face. Bella wrapped a thick navy blue blanket around her shoulders and smiled up at me, her full lips curving delicately.

"I love you." she whispered.

"I love you, too, Mrs. Cullen." Her heart quickened slightly and I grinned at her sudden blush.

She giggled quietly, resting her head against my chest. I inhaled deeply. As always, her warm scent seared my throat, but I ignored it. My hand reveled in the silkiness of her hair, stroking gently across her shoulders and down her spine. Gradually, her breathing slowed and her body relaxed in my embrace. The hours slipped peacefully away as I watched my Bella sleep.

The plane touched down smoothly in Houston, not even disturbing her dreamless slumber. I was loath to wake her, but we still had a long distance to travel. I shook her gently and waited as her body reacted and her eyelids fluttered open. Wordlessly she rose and followed me. Her complete confidence was a gift that I did not take lightly. I treasured it, alongside the countless other signs of her affection.

I could see that Bella was struggling to keep her eyes open. She stumbled against me several times as we disembarked and I gripped her elbow softly to steady her. Her eyes darted up to mine gratefully.

I suppressed a small laugh as I scanned the concourse. It was early morning in Houston, and the airport was bustling with activity. The thoughts of hundreds of travelers swirled around me and I automatically tuned out the din.

_Ah. There it is._ Glancing down at Bella again, I could see she barely registered her surroundings. She blindly trusted me to lead her safely through the tumultuous crowds, only showing a spark of energy when we reached our gate.

"Rio De Janeiro?" She sounded a little nervous and I had to remind myself that Bella had only traveled outside of the United States once, when she had flown to Italy at the risk of her own life to save me.

Just that fleeting thought sent my inner vision soaring back to the vampire-ruled city of Volterra. I was reliving my reckless flight toward death and oblivion; a flight that was filled with pain and misery, but that ended unexpectedly with Bella's precipitous return into my life.

The memory flashed through my mind instantly. Despite its brevity, the experience was intense. I momentarily considered all the decades that I had walked this earth, the cultures I had experienced, governments rising and falling amid war and social turmoil. Surely, I had seen it all. And yet, I would witness the world through new eyes now. With Bella at my side, this world, this universe, was completely reborn. I wondered at the change in me, for Bella had altered me absolutely and permanently.

Bella was still waiting for my response. She did not even seem to notice the slight hesitation in my reply, "Another stop," I reassured her with a serene smile.

She nodded once, but the slight crease between her eyebrows reappeared as she puzzled over our destination. Once on board, I managed to get Bella to drink two cups of water, aware of how dry aviation air would be for her, but she drifted quickly back to sleep before the breakfast cart arrived. With her cradled in my arms, I was able to forget the horrors of the past and just treasure the knowledge that I was complete, at last.

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><p>A dip in the tone of the engines and a subtle change in pitch and air pressure signaled the beginning of our descent into Rio de Janeiro. The last light of day clung to the western sky. I would be so relieved when we finally reached our island oasis and I could shed the need for concealment during the sunlit hours. I had adjusted to the restrictions of this clandestine life decades ago. However, it rankled to be confined to the shadows when I wanted nothing more than to walk fearlessly and openly next to my love, uninhibited by the secrecy that defined my existence.<p>

_Soon_, I told myself. _Very soon._

Bella stiffened next to me. Her heartbeat quickened as she awoke. The increasing pressure must have permeated her unconscious mind, alerting her to our imminent arrival. She smiled cautiously at me. Her small hand found mine and clasped it possessively. I suppressed a grin. _Yes, I'm still here._

I retracted the window shade and looked out over the twinkling lights of Rio de Janeiro. We were on the final approach to Galeao International Airport, soaring over the Baia de Guanabara; the sea-like bay that is home to Rio's active port and one of the busiest airports in the world. Before us, the Rio Niteroi Bridge spanned the bay, glowing like a fiery snake with the headlights of a thousand cars.

Watching the approach was thrilling. The water beneath us was black as ink and the brilliant lights of the sprawling metropolis lit up the humid air for hundreds of feet above the city, creating the illusion that we were sinking into the ground. When we finally touched down, it was abrupt. The pilot engaged the thrust reversers to slow the aircraft more quickly, and I felt Bella lurch forward in her seat. I held her reassuringly as she shook her head to stave off the lethargy that weighed down her limbs.

When we disembarked, Bella clung to my side, obviously overwhelmed by the bustling airport. I reclaimed our luggage, flagging down a porter to follow us out to the curb with everything. I could have carried it all without effort, but avoiding undo attention was second nature. I signaled for a taxi, tipped the porter and helped Bella into the rear seat when the car pulled to a stop before us.

I gave the driver instructions in swift, unaccented Portuguese. His mind registered brief surprise at my fluency, but he nodded without a word and pulled away from the curb. I watched Bella as she gazed curiously out the window at the teeming streets. Rio at night was something else. Maybe we would spend some time here as well. She leaned closer into my body and I inhaled her enticing aroma.

_Then again, maybe not_. I wanted to spend every second alone in her arms.

Perhaps the intensity of my focus was transmitting something to Bella's subconscious, because she tensed ever so slightly as a brilliant blush rose to her cheeks. So frustrating! I hated not knowing her mind.

The sharp, briny smell of the ocean distracted me from these thoughts and we were soon stopping at a crowded marina. Very few people were near the docks after sunset, just a few fishermen readying their boats for the next day. Bella stood by as I unloaded our suitcases and paid the cab driver. With a quick glance to make sure she was following I led the way along the docks to my boat.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noted Bella's skeptical glance. If she didn't know what a BMW M3 was, she definitely wouldn't appreciate the distinction of the Porsche Fearless F28. This was the Ferrari of speedboats. The watercraft was ultra light, with a shell constructed of Kevlar fiberglass for strength, and was therefore one of the fastest yachts ever built. A 525 horsepower Viper motor was capable of propelling the 28-foot craft to speeds in excess of 80 knots. There were only a handful of these boats in existence, and my fully loaded model cost $350,000. Bella would definitely _not_ want to know that.

The white boat screamed luxury with its fluid lines and sumptuous interior, but the downside was that we barely had room for our two suitcases. It was an indulgence, without question, but it also served a very useful purpose. Most sea-faring vessels were heavy and awkward to pilot. This, however, was sleek. Its low prow and powerful inboard motor made other yachts look like slugs in the water. I vaulted into the boat to stow our bags before assisting Bella.

I could feel her eyes following my every move as I primed and started the motor, deftly released the moorings and idled out of the boat slip. I kept the power low until we were well clear of the harbor. I turned the prow south, ghosting between two dark peninsulas; the towering Morro Cara de Cao (Sugarloaf Mountain) to the West, and the Morro do Pico to the East.

As we left those sheltered waters, the wide black expanse of the Atlantic Ocean stretched out before us, beckoning to me. I suppressed a wicked grin as I punched the throttle, launching us into the night. Although obviously startled by my brazen action, Bella seemed content to maintain the comfortable silence of the last hour. From a slight crawl, we were soon skimming across the open ocean with the lights of Rio de Janeiro fading behind us.

With nothing but water for miles around, I set our course due east, occasionally stealing a glance at Bella. I saw her hands, tightly gripping the seat and I couldn't hide my devilish smile. So, she didn't like this any better than my driving, I guessed. We were cruising on a course parallel to the coastline for more than 90 minutes before we finally passed Arraial do Cabo, the last cape before we truly left the mainland behind us.

Rolling waves built around us, splashing sea spray in our faces. It was completely dark now, with only the stars and the moon to watch our passage. There was something mystical about this experience. A sort of timelessness settled over us, surrounded by the vastness of the ocean. I glanced down at the GPS read-out to verify that we were on the correct course based on the nautical charts I had memorized. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bella lean toward me slightly. Finally! Her curiosity was winning. I grinned.

"Are we going much farther?" she asked. Childishly, I imagined a smaller Bella asking a similar question of her parents, _"Are we there yet?"_

"About another half hour," I assured her.

Where did she think we were going? Hmm. I was sure she hadn't guessed the truth. Alice definitely hadn't told her, she was too afraid of my temper. This was a secret I had guarded from everyone except Alice and Esme. My father and brothers didn't understand why I wouldn't tell, and Rosalie didn't care to know. I only told Alice because her assistance was necessary for Bella to have all the right clothes packed.

Now, that was another issue altogether. There had been a mischievous undertone to her thoughts when Alice had told me Bella was packed and ready to go. _I wonder. . ._

Several minutes passed with only the purr of the engine and the splashing of the waves against the prow to disrupt the tranquil night. Gradually, the outline of a teardrop-shaped island rose out of the sea before us. A bathymetric map of the ocean floor would show a scattered string of volcanic mountains stretching east from Brazil to the rocky and desolate Ilha Trindade, 740 miles away. Very few of these peaks crested the ocean's surface, but this was one of them. I adjusted my course minutely, but waited to tell Bella until I was sure her human eyes would be able to find it.

"Bella, look there," I pointed.

She squinted into the night, obviously straining to pick out something from the moonlit waters. I saw comprehension dawn on her face, and a sweet smile adorned her lips.

"Where are we?" she murmured, sounding awed. I adjusted our heading to bring us around the northern tip of the island.

I smiled at her expression. "This is Isle Esme." I said with pride.

It seemed my plan was being received exceptionally well. Pulling back on the throttle, I cut the engine and let the natural resistance of the water slow us down. I expertly flicked the mooring lines around the cleats on the short wooden dock and secured the boat.

I inhaled deeply, the fragrant breeze coupled with the absolute stillness of the night was comforting, inviting.

"Isle Esme?" Bella's voice hesitantly broke through the sultry air.

"A gift from Carlisle—Esme offered to let us borrow it." I was warmed by the memory of my mother's thoughtful generosity. She loved me, adored Bella, and was beside herself with joy for us both.

I wondered at the fleeting frown that marred Bella's otherwise perfect face. What did that mean? _Hmm. Another puzzle._

I placed our suitcases on the dock before turning back to her. Suddenly, I felt shy. It was as if everything up to this point had been blurry and out of focus. Now I could see with blinding clarity—every sense was on fire as I considered where this night was leading us. I reached for Bella, swinging her slight body into my arms then leaping lightly to the dock.

Breathlessly she asked, "Aren't you supposed to wait for the threshold?"

_Silly girl. This is the threshold of our entire life. Our future begins now!_

"I'm nothing if not thorough." I teased.

Effortlessly, I cradled Bella against my shoulder with my left arm and seized both pieces of luggage with my right. The scent of two humans clung to the sandy path, probably 12 hours old. The glow of lights through the trees reassured me that everything had been made ready as requested. I held myself to a moderate human pace, trying to gauge my feelings and Bella's at the same time. Repeatedly, I looked down, wanting to search her sparkling eyes for answers, but she stayed staring fixedly ahead. Her heart seemed to be beating twice as hard as normal, pounding against her ribcage. As we stepped through the lush tropical foliage, the house came into view.

It was a single-level bungalow with two wide windows framing the double doors and the shallow covered porch. Majestic palm trees fanned the sky, swaying sensually in the gentle breeze. At the sight of the house, Bella's heart seemed to skip a beat and her body tensed.

Fear? Anticipation? I couldn't tell.

I was dying to ask, to say anything at all, but I pressed my lips firmly together. Concentrating on unraveling Bella's cryptic body language served as a distraction from my own tumultuous thoughts. The low wooden steps creaked underfoot and I set the suitcases down. I opened both doors, letting them swing wide.

I looked down again. Silently, I willed Bella to meet my gaze. Her eyes, shining with love and trust, gazed back at me. Warmth flowed through my veins and I stepped across the threshold.

I had never been here before, but Esme's thoughts had shown me what to expect. White oak floors, plush, cream-colored carpet, white walls and pale furniture created a clean, fresh atmosphere.

While I could see my surroundings clearly, I knew Bella couldn't. But I could not set her down yet. I didn't want to let go of the warmth that she brought to my body and soul. Instead, I carried her through the house. Her arms were clasped securely around my neck as I flicked on each light. With some trepidation, I approached the last room.

I stopped. I fumbled for the light switch, distracted by the intimidating presence of the king-sized bed that filled the room. As I set Bella carefully on her feet, a tidal wave of emotions crashed over me. I could see her face, as white as mine, reflected in the full-length windows that made up the rear wall of the room.

Outside, palms rustled and breakers glistened in the moonlight. The beach was literally right outside, like a romantic backdrop to this lover's stage. She still had not moved. Her back was straight, rigid. Could it be that she was more nervous, more terrified than me?

This was her idea! This was what she wanted!

_Who am I kidding? This is what I want, too. More than blood, I need this_. I thirsted for her body. Startled by the force of my desire I beat a hasty retreat.

"I'll. . . go get the luggage."

I didn't return immediately, I needed to calm down.

_Control!_ I yelled at myself. I wrapped mental bands of iron around my pulsing need, forcing it into submission with every ounce of my strength. Tonight was for Bella. I had made a vow to her, and there she stood as my wife. She had kept her part of the bargain. I would keep mine.

But I couldn't lose control. Not with her so small and fragile. I had waited for over 100 years to experience this last rite of passage into manhood. Surely I could contain my base urges for a few short weeks? At least long enough for me to change Bella, and then. . .

I inhaled the humid air once, twice. I had made my decision. I was resolved that I would give Bella what she wanted so badly tonight, this last human experience. But I would have to wait to take my pleasure.

_I can wait. I will wait._

The sound of Bella's hesitant steps in the far room brought me back to the moment. She paused again.

In a few quick steps, I was at the door to our marital suite. I placed my suitcase on the floor, and hers on the dresser. She didn't even register my presence. My heart ached as I watched her stroking the white mosquito netting with her delicate fingers. Her hair hung in damp, heavy strands from a tangled knot at the nape of her neck. A single drop of perspiration trickled down her neck and I stepped quickly to her side, wiping it away with a caress.

"It's a little hot here," I apologized. "I thought. . . that would be best." I remembered the thick afghan that had always inhibited our embraces. _Was I wrong? Was this too much?_

"Thorough," she murmured a single word under her breath. I chuckled in response, but the suspense was killing me.

"I tried to think of everything that would make this. . . easier," I confessed. _Easier? Loving each other was not supposed to be this hard!_

She swallowed audibly, the tension in her throat made me quiver with contrasting waves of desire and frustration. I had to break this emotional stalemate. A sudden inspiration offered a potential release for both of us.

"I was wondering if. . .," I began slowly, trying to read her reaction, ". . .first. . . maybe you'd like to take a midnight swim with me?" Did I imagine the instant relief in the set of her shoulders?

I took a deep breath, more confident in my idea. "The water will be warm. This is the kind of beach you approve of." I smiled as I thought of the frigid waters of the northern Pacific. _No. She definitely wouldn't like that._ _Cold and wet_. That biology lesson seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Sounds nice." Her voice broke, whether from nerves or something else.

"I'm sure you'd like a human minute or two. . . It was a long journey." I offered her privacy and a chance to collect herself. She nodded a little stiffly. Unable to resist teasing her, I brushed my lips against her neck.

"Don't take too long, Mrs. Cullen," I said with a small laugh. I really hoped she would follow me quickly. Anticipation sparked inside me. I kissed her shoulder lightly—a temporary farewell.

"I'll wait for you in the water." I shed my shirt before I had even escaped the heat of the room, exiting through the French doors that led directly to the moonlit beach.

I heard Bella's stumbling steps as she retrieved her toiletries from the suitcase I had set out on the low white dresser. Four long strides brought me to the water's edge. I stepped out of my slacks and boxer shorts, leaving them draped over a small twisted palm. I dove into the swirling waters, feeling the freedom and weightlessness of floating in the gentle surf. I exhaled and sank to the bottom.

Moonlight shone through the water, illuminating the eddies and sea foam that patterned the surface. No creatures swam close to me. Their instincts sent them fleeing for cover at the presence of such a highly evolved predator. Bella obviously did not possess those same instincts. I would have sighed if my lungs were not completely devoid of air.

Sounds enveloped me. This was a whole other world beneath the water. Grains of sand ground against one another, constantly shifting in the liquid environment. The surf rumbled and crashed above me. Far off, several hearts beat in time to one another, interspersed with sporadic splashes and a sharp sound like air being expelled from bellows.

_Dolphins? Bella would love to see them! _But they were rapidly pulling away, perhaps alerted to my presence in their territory.

With a push off the bottom, I rose to the surface. I stood with my back to the island. My hands rested on the surface of the water, feeling the ebb and flow of the waves. _Such power in something so subtle_, I mused.

I tilted my head back, regarding the moon with a pensive gaze. It was easy to be quiet here. Despite the constant sounds of the wind and ocean, it was strangely silent. No voices or thoughts crowded my head. No droning cacophony interrupted my consciousness. Bella and I were the only people for miles, and I was, for once, completely alone in my mind.

Now that I was above the waves, I could hear the throbbing of Bella's heartbeat. That sound was, in many ways, the center of my universe. My stomach clenched uncomfortably as I thought how those beats were numbered. I reminded myself, _this is what she wants_! I found myself counting those beats. It was odd how they would not stay steady. Sometimes they raced as if Bella were sprinting. I imagined the amount of adrenaline that must be coursing through her veins.

_Fight or flight? Is this how she feels about making love with me? I am a threat?_ My former feeling of tranquility was fading in the face of insecurity and concern. The minutes stepped by at a pedantic pace. Of course I was a threat. I was a selfish monster for dangling her life on the fragile thread of my self-control.

She must have been in the shower earlier, because now there was a new clarity to the sounds carrying down to me from the house. There. Her heart was racing again and I cursed the impotence I felt while hidden from her thoughts.

Maybe she would not be joining me after all. Maybe she finally understood the gravity and danger of what we were trying to do. Part of me was relieved and thankful for this possibility. But deep inside, a dormant beast began to unwind, stretching and growing, encouraging other thoughts.

Lust and desire vs. adoration and love. The conflict was excruciating.

Somewhere behind me, soft footsteps approached. I heard the hiss of heavy fabric slipping over bare skin. I kept my eyes glued to the moon. Every muscle in my body screamed for me to turn and watch her approach. Those thick bands of iron I had forcefully welded into place held. . . but only barely.

I breathed a prayer for strength as her scent washed over me. A warm hand rested over mine. I was no longer alone.

"Beautiful." Her voice was soft and musical as she looked up at the moon.

"It's all right," My voice was husky. I turned to face her. Heat from her body radiated, even through the water. I envied the ocean, enveloping her figure with gentle caresses. I stared deep into her eyes, searching for whatever had caused her heart to race so frantically before. I intertwined our fingers as I examined her face. There was a serene confidence about her that I had never seen before.

Bella had always been more than a girl to me. She was mature, responsible, selfless, and many other things. But now, as I stood before her, I recognized something startling. She was a woman. Something had transformed that timid creature I had first met into the sensual goddess who stood before me now.

Had my love played a part? I liked to think so.

I drank in the sight of her. The curve of her brow. . . Those thoughtful eyes that seemed to guard so many secrets and such inner strength. . . Her silky smooth skin that colored so quickly at the slightest surprise or embarrassment. . . And those lips. I could stare at her mouth for hours while she slept. Waiting. Just waiting for her to breathe my name. Those lips had whispered my name and banished the darkness from my endless night. That mouth had cried my name, pulsing with love and need on that desolate day in Volterra. She had saved my life and given me hope for a future, even after this existence.

And now? Those lips soothed me, reassured me, and promised me a life illuminated by the brightest star in the universe.

No, the moon was not beautiful. Beautiful had a new definition.

Bella was looking at me expectantly, puzzling over my pensive expression. I continued my thought out loud. "But, I wouldn't use the word beautiful. Not with you standing here in comparison."

Her crooked smile reflected my own. She raised her other hand and placed it over my frozen heart. No, not frozen. It may not be beating, but it felt as warm as the midday sun. I tensed at the heat coursing through my veins. My breathing was rougher as she moved closer to me.

"I promised we would try," I whispered, fearing the strength of my desire. It fought to be free of its iron bonds. "If. . . ," and I hesitated, unable to say it, at first. "If I do something wrong. . . if I hurt you. . ." Oh, how my soul recoiled at the thought! "You must tell me at once." I finished in a rush, choking on the hideous words.

She nodded. Her eyes were serious as she closed the space between us with one small step. She leaned her head against my chest, her hand still warming the skin over my trembling heart.

"Don't be afraid, we belong together." The truth of those words rang out as clear as crystal, reverberating through my mind and spirit, casting brilliant rainbows of light across my previously dark existence.

I embraced her then, enfolding her in my arms. "Forever." I agreed. Gently, I drew her deeper into the ocean. Bella's eyes were glued to my face. The moonlight reflected from the water, giving her fair skin a brilliant glow. This creature before me was so much more than beautiful. She was perfection. Words flowed from my lips unbidden.

_"Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,_

_Who is already sick and pale with grief,_

_That thou her maid art far more fair than she."_

Bella gasped a little at the intensity of my words. "Romeo and Juliet. . ." she breathed. I nodded once as I leaned down to press a fervent kiss to her forehead. Her whispered response sent a tremor through my being.

_"My bounty is as boundless as the sea,_

_My love as deep; the more I give to thee,_

_The more I have, for both are infinite."_

Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears, shining with the purest love that had ever been born. No mere mortal could stand before that gaze and not melt from the blaze that it built within.

The waves rose and fell with a gentle cadence. The water was at my chest now, and I lifted Bella up so her head rested on my shoulder. She wrapped her arms around me, nestling closer.

When she raised her lips to mine the whole world disappeared. The air around us shimmered with an ethereal energy. This love we shared was completely unique and unprecedented in its form and magnitude. This love that had been tested and tried by countless challenges, by mortal and immortal forces. . . it was pure and timeless.

Here we stood. Together. One.

What began as a warm embrace was now simmering with electricity. I was too aware of her soft curves molding themselves against the hard planes of my body. There was a hunger in her kisses now. An urgency than took my breath away. Where she led, I followed willingly. When it became too much, I lifted her higher so that I could bury my face in her neck, feeling her hair sweep around me in a heavy curtain. I stood with my legs braced against the force of the tide. Bella's legs circled my waist and her hands were tangled in my hair.

"Edward!" she squealed as I stroked her throat with my tongue, tracing complicated designs on her flaming hot skin.

"Oh, alright. I'll stop, if you say please." I eyed her radiant countenance with a roguish grin. The desire within me, held back for so many months, made me dizzy with excitement and anticipation.

"Okay, fine! Don't stop. But maybe we should get out of the water before you drown me by accident! Unlike you, I actually have to breathe."

I raised my eyebrows and she blushed fiercely, lowering her eyes from my smoldering gaze. I chuckled at her reaction and strode confidently out of the water. Bella attempted to escape my hold as we passed her towel and my clothes, fluttering in the breeze. I shook my head with a grin, and tightened my grip on her. Her breath quickened, and with it her heartbeat.

Her face took on a look of alarm as I stepped through the French doors, but bypassed the bed altogether. "Where. . .?" she questioned me with wide eyes.

"Don't you want to rinse off? We're a little bit salty, don't you think?" I nuzzled the soft indentation beneath her ear and was gratified by her answering giggle.

"I've never had a shower with a man before." She spoke with an aloofness that I knew was an attempt to hide her trepidation.

"I should hope not!" I responded with a scowl. But I couldn't help laughing, too.

In the bathroom, the walls were painted the color of fresh cream, with a dark brown stripe at waist level. The shower stall was spacious and lined with natural limestone. A wide mirror hung above double sinks, sunk directly into the granite countertop and adorned with stainless steel hardware. The subtle colors and organic feel were soothing.

I averted my eyes from the mirror, unsure if I was ready to look upon her nude figure so openly. I knew what _that_ image would do to my self-control. I loosened my hold. Bella slid her legs down mine, searching for the floor.

Stunned by the pleasure of her skin touching mine, I almost lost my balance. I gripped her shoulders, as if to steady her. In reality, I was trying to steady myself. I gritted my teeth, again visualizing thick iron bands, riveted into place.

_Okay. I can do this._ Another breath.

I reached over to start the shower, not meeting her curious gaze. When the water was warm, we both stepped in. If I thought the rain amplified Bella's scent, then this was 100-times stronger. The intensity of her presence in that close, humid space was like drinking molten metal, and I reveled in the pain. With my eyes closed and my hands at her narrow waist, I sucked in her essence with every excruciating breath. I pressed a firm kiss against her forehead.

My eyes darted open in surprise when her soapy hands stroked my chest. Oh. . . that felt unbelievable! Bella grinned up at me and I grabbed the soap to return the favor.

I traced lines of bubbles on her translucent skin, admiring the patterns before they dissolved, sliding down her legs before pooling at her feet. How could something as simple and mundane as a shower be so sensual?

Our bodies were clean. The briny smell of saltwater no longer lingered, replaced by the light fragrance of freesia and roses. Our kisses and caresses escalated beyond anything we had ever shared in the past. My skin, warmed by the heat of the shower, felt so hot; for once matching hers.

I let go of my fear and committed myself to making tonight magical for her. Bella always accused me of being 'good at everything'. Well, now was my chance to prove her right.

I pressed my lips to her throat, tracing a line across her collar bone and then down to the point where her heart pounded furiously within her chest. The blood rushing through her veins roared in my ears. The coarse sound of air sweeping in and out of her lungs made my own breathing accelerate.

Her flavor. . . so sweet, so enticing. Almost without a thought, I flicked my tongue out to taste her.

Her breathing stopped and her heart seemed to jump.

Her skin was so smooth. I allowed my fingertips, one of the most sensitive parts of my body, to feel her. . . to savor every millimeter of skin that they traveled over. I brought my right hand up her thigh, over her hips and then rested it at the base of her spine. Bella was pulling me closer, holding me tighter. Her hand ran up over my shoulder and cupped the back of my neck as I moved my nose and lips softly up to nuzzle the hollow behind her ear.

The need within me burned as hot as a furnace. I hesitated for the barest fraction of a second. My mind was racing. How could I continue without losing control?

I retreated slightly then, holding my breath to give myself the chance to regain my equilibrium. But even this respite was not enough when Bella arched against me and her soft flesh pressed against my hungry lips. Trying to ignore the fearful, cautious side of my nature, I continued to kiss and caress her body.

I brought my right hand around her waist and up her side, pausing at each rib. This body. . . so fragile. This delicate cage of brittle bone and soft flesh held my most precious possession. Her racing heart thudded beneath my lips, causing the whole of her chest to tremble and shake. With each beat of her heart, her ribs pressed against my fingers. I marveled again at my ability to feel, hear, taste, smell, see. . . _experience_ every part of her.

And I wanted more. Always more.

I was stunned by the twisting feeling that provoked in my stomach, as if my insides were liquid instead of stone. It was not unpleasant, just strange and new. My throat ached more painfully than it ever had for mere blood. Bella was moving, instinctively encouraging my advances.

Her eyes were wide—I felt like I would drown in those twin pools of desire! I held her body to mine, turned the shower off, and carried her, still wrapped around me, back to the bedroom. My breath was coming in shorter gasps as I lay her body across the bed.

Surprisingly, my self-consciousness returned in a rush. If I could have blushed, my face would have been redder than hers. As it was, I dipped my head shyly. Being so close to her, knowing the intimacy that we were about to share, it was almost too much. I swallowed once, the venom was pooling in my mouth now.

One of the iron bands strained and fractured.

Water trickled in rivulets from our bodies, soaking the white satin sheets. Bella lay there with her mouth slightly open. Her sweet breath rippled over me with every rise and fall of her trembling chest. I knelt before my goddess in humble supplication. Her shy smile was more than an invitation. It was permission to join with her now and for eternity, as her husband, and only her husband, ever could.

My eyes were locked, as if in a trance, on hers. I shivered. My body had cooled rapidly since we left the shower, and now the contrast between my cold flesh and her warmth was unnerving. We both tensed in anticipation.

_Would I hurt her a lot? Could I do this? Intentionally cause her pain?_ I gulped down the stress and fear that threatened to swallow me.

I don't know what Bella saw on my face, but her smile gained confidence and she drew me closer. At first I resisted. I was still unsure of my self control. But my own desires betrayed me and we were united, at last.

Being with her was like being wrapped in the essence of every physical pleasure. I closed my eyes, savoring the sensation that was both pleasurable and agonizing in its strength.

I paused. Her face was frozen in bliss, but pain still lingered in the corners of her eyes. I don't know how long we held that pose, our bodies finally joined in a ritual as old as time.

"Love me?" she whispered, but the words were more of a command than a question. I would obey any order, grant any request, from her.

We danced.

I felt like a master composer. Her body was my instrument, her rapidly beating heart drove the rhythm of our music. Her uneven breathing played like a harmony to my own deeper gasps. She was my muse as we wrote this symphony of love.

Gentle heat, like a summer sunrise, began to gather deep within me. My confidence grew. My hesitation and fears were gradually falling away. Each dark shadow was illuminated and then washed away by the light that grew within me.

"Edward?" Her voice was small and bewildered. But I saw no sign of pain in her eyes.

"Yes?" I queried, drinking in every sight, sound, and touch.

"I love you. . . so much!" Her voice was louder, but breathless, as if she was having trouble catching air. There was an anxious, searching look on her face. She bit down on her lip in that expression of distress that I treasured so much.

I could hardly comprehend the feeling of absolute joy I experienced, bringing her pleasure, sharing this with her. Why had I ever been afraid? How could I have considered backing away from this? Even my choice to restrain my own satisfaction for her sake brought only peace and happiness to my heart.

I smiled at her now. I let my pure adoration shine in my eyes and voice.

From the depths of my soul I spoke. "I'm here, Bella. I love you, too."

With a strength and suddenness that shocked me, Bella grasped me with all her strength. Her fingernails scraped down the length of my back before digging against my flesh.

Gasping in surprise I collapse onto my forearms. Our bodies were pressed against one another, like a pillar of fiery ice. I alternately froze and burned as every restraint I had built shattered. The beast inside me unfurled itself, scorching me with a new fire, like a phoenix awakening.

I fought back, trying desperately to restrain its power. The fire within me erupted like a volcano. I kissed her, more forcefully than I intended. Her mouth opened under mine. The taste of her saliva mingled with another flavor, sweeter than nectar, more addictive than heroin. My mind cried out in alarm. She must have bitten her lip harder than I realized!

That tiny taste was the death blow to my already tenuous control. A growl rose from deep within my throat.

"Aaahhhhh!" I couldn't stop!

The venom in my veins boiled. Light burst behind my eyes like a meteor blasting through the atmosphere. White-hot fire seared every cell in my body with a pleasure so intense it was torture. I felt shattered but renewed, drowning in the light! I grasped onto Bella, my salvation, my lifeline in this endless explosion of sound and color.

Bella threw her head back, her throat stretched just inches from my face.

Her blood was pounding through her veins, so close.

Too close!

Venom spilled from my mouth as I struggled to return from the abyss. Another wave, stronger than the first, hit me like a tsunami.

And I was lost.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl. . . My mouth descended to her throat, teeth bared, razor sharp and dripping venom. I could still taste her essence. Like a shark with blood in the water, the frenzy had taken hold of me. My lips encased her pulsating jugular. . . and, in that instant, I saw what I was about to do.

_Noooooooooooo!_ My soul screamed!

With a power not my own, I turned my face away from the blinding temptation. I buried my face in the silk encased pillows, biting down ferociously. The demon inside me, for that is what it was, cursed me with its rage.

I shuddered in shock, relief, despair, victory. . . I couldn't decide. My teeth clenched spasmodically and I clutched Bella's body to me.

* * *

><p>Time eventually returned to its normal pace.<p>

Conscious thought followed soon after.

Slowly, I loosened my hold on her. Bella's body was beginning to relax, also. I drew back slightly, staring deep into her eyes. I saw no pain. No disgust or accusations. The only emotions that greeted my searching eyes were amazement and wonder. And adoration.

"I love you, Bella." I murmured, preventing any need for a reply with a soft, lingering kiss.

"Mmmm." Her response was muffled. Her eyes fluttered closed with a contented sigh. I smiled, brushed her damp hair back from her face.

Victory. Salvation. The taste was sweeter than ambrosia.

I brushed something soft and white from her face, confused at first. A downy feather.

Reality hit me like a battering ram to the stomach. I had almost. . .

"Oh, God!" I groaned in pain and horror as I saw just how close I had come to destroying her. Destroying us.

I buried my face in her soft bosom, whispering apologies, begging forgiveness, chastising myself.

Her heart spoke to me then, calling me back from the depths of my self-hate. Solid, warm, reassuring. The steady beat soothed me.

She had trusted me. Her faith had saved us both. Perhaps she had been right? Perhaps I was incapable of hurting her, even in the face of instincts and temptations more powerful than the elements. I allowed myself to calm down. I regulated my breathing, counting seconds, then minutes. Tranquility settled like a blanket around me.

Finally, my internal struggles were laid to rest, and I permitted myself a small smile. Jasper and Emmett had been wrong. There was nothing. . . no sensation on earth that could compare with the absolute rapture I held felt tonight. Our lovemaking was beyond nirvana.

Kneeling over her, I drank in the sight of her adorable face, so peaceful in sleep. Her face glowed in the moonlight, radiant, serene, fulfilled. Her full lips parted with a sigh and my stone heart lurched in my chest.

_Ah, my Bella_. I brushed my fingers delicately over her porcelain skin. A tree must have been blocking the moonlight, casting shadows across her delicate cheekbone and throat.

Outside, the palms rustled in the wind. . .

But the shadows did not move. . .

Cold dread snaked through my stomach.

A hiss of air escaped my clenched teeth as I reassessed the aftermath of our frantic lovemaking with new eyes. Beneath the feathers, fresh bruises were blossoming across my love's once perfect flesh. My throat constricted in a horrified gasp.

I felt numb, dead inside. My hand moved on its own, as if belonging to a stranger. My fingers fit perfectly over one set of brilliant marks on her upper arm.

I was nauseated. I wanted to vomit.

The demon inside mocked me. All joy and pleasure were forgotten as I collapsed onto the bed next to her sleeping form. I clenched my eyes shut, pressing my fingers deep into my flesh as if I could gouge the image of her desecrated body from my mind.

Not even God could grant me that mercy. If He even existed. What God would allow a creature like me to walk this earth free to commit such evil?

My thoughts spun into an ever descending spiral of despair.

* * *

><p>Hours passed.<p>

Despair is its own kind of conceit. It is impossible to consider the damnation of your soul without aching for the pain that this would cause to the people who have willingly linked their souls to yours. Effectively, you make yourself the center of the universe, with those who love you trapped – like celestial satellites locked into erratic orbits around a broken star. How do you sever those ties without sinning further? Causing more pain?

Would the death of that star free them to find new paths? Or, would they forever be locked in that orbit, a sick parody of order in the universe?

_Carlisle. _My father. He had struggled with loneliness and despair, himself. His unnatural battle with the twisted morality of our existence had left him alone, a solitary figure in a bleak expanse of time. He carved out his own place in heaven with a persistence and determination that I was too weak to emulate. How long did he hesitate before succumbing to the temptation of a mother's pleas, making me his companion in immortality?

_Esme._ The most loving mother a man could ever know. Younger in years, but older and wiser in so many ways. Her heart was pure. . . selfless. She had given me her heart, broken from the loss of her infant son, and I had willingly filled that void. Would I break it again?

_Emmett_. So full of passion for life, even this half-life that we led. He played the role of an older brother, teasing and bullying. However, I would always look at him as the distraught boy, mangled and barely alive who had looked into Rosalie's eyes like a dying man catching his first glimpse of an angel's face.

_Rosalie_. I had hurt her by my rejection. Only minutes old, she had been confused and terrified. In my anger and pride, I had thoughtlessly dismissed her. I could never fully forgive myself. A true gentleman would never have acted in that way. The decades-old guilt still gnawed at my insides.

_Jasper._ I had seen his past. The struggles he endured as his conscience grew and transformed his life. Before he acknowledged it, it was a festering wound. I couldn't compare my present conflict with the battle that he had fought for decades, could I? But Alice had healed that wound. . .

_Oh, Alice!_ My dearest sister, my closest confidant. Before I met Bella, Alice had been the brightest star in my endless night. Her vivacious spirit always lifted me from my dark moods. What was she seeing now? What path would my tormented mind choose? And what would that choice mean for everyone and everything that I held dear?

_Bella. . ._

I could not continue. Words could not describe the hopelessness I felt. I had caused her pain from the moment I first laid eyes on her. And now? Our lives were inextricably intertwined. Any tug on the thread of my existence affected her.

I could not leave. The aftermath of my last attempt was a bitter image in my mind's eye.

I could not stay. The bruises that marred her flesh were testament to the inevitable results of _that_ decision.

And yet. . . stay I would. I knew this to be the truth. I would stay until she asked me to leave. I had promised her that much. I may be a monster. I may even be evil incarnate. But I would cling to my word, it was the closest thing to honor that I had left.

I was startled from my reverie by Bella shifting in her sleep. Was she awake? How badly did I hurt her? I was impatient to know, but terrified to learn the extent of her injuries.

I reached out and stroked the back of her hand. I was distressed when my frigid skin contacted hers. She felt feverish with heat. With the greatest trepidation, I gathered her into my arms, holding her gently. My heart lurched. In my stone arms, she was as fragile as blown glass. Her sweat-streaked face lay against my chest.

Somehow, this didn't feel real. I was afraid of the moment when she would wake up, look into my eyes, and see the monster that lurked within. I imagined her sweet features twisted into a mask of fear and revulsion. I groaned softly. My emotional trauma was translating into true physical pain.

But wasn't that just? I pressed my face to the dark locks of her perspiration-dampened hair and inhaled deeply. The familiar fire paled in comparison to the wrenching agony that possessed my damnable soul, but I embraced it as a small penance for my sins.

I lay there, jaw clenched for an interminable period of time. The grey light of morning crept into the room. The new dawn finally arrived, casting brilliant light against every surface. The air around me hummed with the dazzling energy of the tropical sun. I observed this distantly, unable to feel the warmth.

The sun was high in the sky before Bella stirred again. The change in her breathing was subtle. My ears registered the faintest quickening of her heart.

This was it. I waited for the pain to strike her. I waited. . .

I trailed my fingers delicately from the base of her skull to the small of her back. Knowing that she was awake, that the pivotal moment of truth was upon me, I tensed in preparation for the inevitable.

Her arms tightened around my neck.

I forced my breathing to remain steady. If I showed any sign of my pain, she would downplay her injuries to spare me.

_Oh, my love! When will you stop sacrificing yourself for this monster?_

My cry was silent, but potent in its torment. My fingers returned in their path up her spine, then wandered aimlessly across the taught skin of her back. I relished these final moments of closeness. This could be the last time I would hold her in my arms.

She laughed softly.

_?_

Puzzled, I asked, "What's funny?"

What, indeed? Was this the precursor to hysterical weeping? Was there something, some clue or sign that I was missing? Her stomach growled and she laughed again. The musical sound shimmered off of the gauzy mosquito netting.

"You just can't escape being human for very long."

_Hmmm. I have. For over 80 years._ I was still confused.

What was she trying to tell me? Was this some sarcastic way of reprimanding me for allowing myself to pretend humanity? My bewilderment only grew as she lifted her head and stared at my immobile face. I kept my eyes locked on the canopy above us, unable to turn and face her. Petrified and ashamed, I waited.

I felt the shock go through her body. The sudden movement sent shivers through my core. Her breath caught in her throat. "Edward, what is it? What's wrong?"

_Oh, Bella! Why are you feigning ignorance? Do you want me to confess my sins out loud?_

I could not stop the bitter words from escaping. "You have to ask?"

She did not respond with words. Instead, she brought her fingers to my face, stroking my forehead where lines of strain betrayed my deep-seated anxiety. I cursed my inability to hear her thoughts. Finally, I could endure the silence no longer.

"What are you thinking?" I whispered the words, dreading the answer, but needing to know.

"You're upset. I don't understand. Did I . . .?" her voice trailed off.

Was I imagining her confusion? I longed to look into those warm brown eyes, the clearest window to her mind. But I couldn't bear to, afraid that all warmth would be absent, replaced by something distant and alien.

My eyes tightened with the strain of forcing more words out. "How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth—don't try to downplay it."

Did I really want the truth? Could I bear that knowledge? Yes. I decided. I had to.

"Hurt?" She repeated the word as a question.

_Why? Would you prefer a different word? Injured, bruised, wounded, damaged. . . should I go on?_ I clenched my teeth to trap the harsh words. She did not deserve my anger.

Timidly, at first, she stretched her arms and legs. I was staggered by the realization that I was starting to become aroused by her closeness. Her long pale legs were moving, smooth and naked against mine. Humiliation and self-disgust wrenched my gut.

I sensed the anger growing inside her. But, her next words were not what I had been preparing for.

"Why would you jump to that conclusion? I've never been better than I am now."

_I should have known!_ I sealed my eyes shut to contain the sudden rage inside me. Of course she would hide her anger. I was infuriated by her stubborn goodness.

"Stop that!" I hissed.

"Stop what?" She pretended innocence.

"Stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this." My voice was black with frustration.

"Edward!" I flinched at her shocked whisper. Even now, her voice speaking my name struck me to the center of my soul.

"Look at yourself, Bella. _Then_ tell me I'm not a monster," I ordered.

Bella had never been a good liar. I would force her to face the truth head on. Then we would see.

_John 8:23 - And the truth shall set you free._

Strange that now, in this moment, my mind should wander to quotes from the Bible. I considered that for a moment. I had cornered Bella. I had imprisoned her in a future of endless night. Perhaps this was for the best. When she saw the evidence of my grotesque nature tattooed across her naked body, she would run for freedom.

Her single gasp broke through the silence. The knife in my stomach twisted viciously.

"Why am I covered with feathers?" She was confused.

I exhaled impatiently. The hours of torment were wearing me down. "I bit a pillow. Or two. That's not what I'm talking about."

"You. . . bit a pillow? Why?" I really did not want to elaborate. In my present frame of mind, I wasn't sure if I could stand to relive that moment when I had almost. . . No! I couldn't think of that!

"Look, Bella!" The growl in my voice was unmistakable. I gingerly took her hand, mindful that I needed to regain control immediately. I stretched her arm out so she could see what I saw. The ivory skin of her arm was mottled with dark purple and angry red bruises. The nausea returned. "Look at that," I hissed.

Understanding was clear on her face now. Finally. But the knowledge didn't bring me any relief. My pain only intensified as she continued her tentative examination. My eyes followed every movement. I had to drive the truth home. She had proven her ability to deny the pain. But she couldn't deny this.

Desperately trying to control the shaking, I reached out with my right hand. I fought the compulsion to flee the room in disgraced humiliation. Slowly, so that she could not miss the gravity, the danger I had exposed her to, I placed my fingers delicately over the handprints on her arm.

"Oh." She breathed in recognition. Nothing more. No screaming, no tears.

"I'm . . . so sorry, Bella." I whispered. "I knew better than this. I should not have—" I couldn't stop the gurgle of self-hatred that pooled in the back of my throat. I was painfully aware of the inadequacy of my apology, even before I said it. But what else could I say? "I am more sorry than I can tell you."

Her face was blank. No thoughts or emotions. I threw my arm across my eyes to block out the image of her vacant stare. Several moments passed before she moved. I felt a soft touch on my arm, but I could not move. I was reliving that moment last night when, in motions mimicking my most recent action, I had fitted my hands to the bruises on her skin and succumbed to this torrential misery. Her frail human hand wrapped around my wrist, exerting a pitiful amount of pressure.

"Edward."

I remained as rigid as a statue.

"Edward?"

_What do you want me to say? What can I do? I cannot look into your eyes without seeing the pain. I can't look at your body without reliving this agony!_

"I'm not sorry." She spoke forcefully, discarding my apology. "I'm. . . I can't even tell you. I'm so happy. That doesn't cover it. Don't be angry. I'm really f—"

I could stand this no longer. Her peaceful acceptance of the evidence of my massacre . . . No! I couldn't let her finish!

"Do not say the word fine." My voice sounded as icy as my soul felt. "If you value my sanity, DO NOT say the word fine."

"But I am," she persisted in a hushed tone. She was intimidated by the violent edge in my voice.

"Bella, don't." I knew my plea was in vain.

"No. _You_ don't, Edward." At any other time, I would have been amused by the scolding.

I couldn't help myself. I pulled my arm away from my eyes to search her face for the meaning of her words and actions. Her fathomless brown eyes met my golden gaze without flinching.

"Don't ruin this. I. Am. Happy." She emphasized each word.

Had I been wrong all this time? Did she really not feel the pain? Was the joy she felt at our union so great that it overshadowed the injuries that my lack of control had inflicted?

"I've already ruined this," I whispered, hesitant to let go. Forgiving myself went contrary to my fierce desire to protect her.

"Cut it out!" she snapped.

I ground my teeth as the conflict within me raged on.

"Ugh!" She groaned. "Why can't you just read my mind already? It's so inconvenient being a mental mute!"

_Huh? But, she's always said. . ._ "That's a new one. You love that I can't read your mind."

"Not today."

_If I could, what would I hear? _

"Why?" I stared into her eyes, waiting for the veil to lift and reveal her cryptic thoughts.

Frustrated beyond words, she threw her hands up in the air then brought them down onto my chest with a sharp smack. "Because all of this angst would be completely unnecessary if you could see how I feel right now! Or five minutes ago, anyway. I was perfectly happy," she ranted, "totally and completely blissed out. Now—well, I'm sort of pissed off, actually."

This wasn't the reaction I expected, but I welcomed even the hint of her wrath.

"You should be angry at me."

"Well, I am. Does that make you feel better?" she retorted.

I sighed. "No. I don't think anything could make me feel better now." _Or ever_. I continued to myself.

"That! That right there is why I'm angry. You are killing my buzz, Edward!"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. She obviously didn't understand.

Her tone softened, the edge of annoyance fading as she continued, "We knew this was going to be tricky. I thought that was assumed. And then—well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. And this is really nothing." She brushed the painful looking bruises with a graceful sweep of her fingers. "I think for a first time, not knowing what to expect, we did amazing. With a little practice—"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Tricky? Is that what she called it? She thought it was _easy_ when I miraculously managed to divert my killing instinct to tear her throat out and drain her blood?

The way she casually accepted the possibility of her death and my destruction. . . I was furious!

"Assumed?" I spat the word out. "Did you expect this, Bella? Were you anticipating that I would hurt you? Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it?" Here I used a clinical term, unable to refer to our frantic coupling with tender words or amorous sentiments. "No broken bones—that equals a victory?" I was chilled by this revelation. How little regard she had for her safety. . . or my sanity.

She sat silently through my tirade, waiting for me to finish. My breathing was labored. My chest felt compressed, too tight. However, confronted by her calm countenance, I could not maintain the rage. My breathing eventually slowed and I awaited her response.

"I didn't know what to expect—but I definitely did not expect how. . . how. . . just wonderful and perfect it was." Her cheeks blushed a brilliant scarlet, and she dropped her eyes from my penetrating gaze. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I mean, I don't know how it was for you, but it was like that for me."

With her eyes hidden, I was closed off from her thoughts. It was disquieting. Her response only confused me further. I brought her chin up with one finger so that I could examine her eyes again. What I saw there did nothing to calm me.

"Is that what you're worried about?" It was difficult to speak through my clenched teeth. "That I didn't enjoy myself?" Just saying those words amplified my disgust for my animalistic behavior of the night before.

She cast her eyes down again, "I know it's not the same. You're not human. I just was trying to explain that, for a human, well, I can't imagine that life gets any better than that." She stumbled through the last few words.

I was mesmerized by her blush. Had I been reading her incorrectly? I mulled over the last several minutes, starting from when she had first awoken, her shyness, her quiet responses. I thought she was trying to protect my feelings, to insulate me from the damage I had wrought on her fragile figure.

I had seen her silently play the martyr so many times that I had just assumed. . .

But if what she said now was true, I had assumed wrong. Was it possible that she had felt the same explosive fire and tempestuous release that had sent me soaring into heaven last night? Could she love me now, even more than before?

"It seems that I have more to apologize for." I dragged those words out with difficulty. "I didn't dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't. . . well, the best night of my existence." Flashes of heat and desire pulsed through me with this confession. "But I don't want to think of it that way, not when you were. . ."

She didn't allow me to finish. "Really? The best ever?" Her wondering smile tugged at my heart and made me want to cradle her in my arms.

I took her face between my hands, then. My touch on her lovely skin was like gossamer as I allowed my mind to drift back to a conversation from months ago. "I spoke to Carlisle after you and I made our bargain, hoping he could help me. Of course he warned me that this would be very dangerous for you. He had faith in me, though—faith I didn't deserve."

She drew a breath to speak, but I silenced her with a light touch on her lips. I wasn't finished. "I also asked him what I should expect. I didn't know what it would be for me. . . what with my being a vampire." _How I detest that word!_ I felt a tired smile twist up my lower lip. "Carlisle told me it was a very powerful thing, like nothing else. He told me physical love was not something I should treat lightly. With our rarely changing temperaments, strong emotions can alter us in permanent ways. But he said I did not need to worry about that part—you had already altered me so completely."

My lips broke into a genuine grin. It was true. I was no longer the cynical, dejected creature I had been before she lit up my world.

"I spoke to my brothers, too. They told me it was a very great pleasure. Second only to drinking human blood." And here I paused. "But I've tasted your blood, and there could be no blood more potent than that. . . I don't think they were wrong, really. Just that it was different for us. Something more."

"It was more," she agreed fervently. "It was everything."

I couldn't disagree with her declaration. It _was_ everything. But. . . "That doesn't change the fact that it was wrong. Even if it were possible that you really did feel that way."

"What does that mean?" she bit back sharply. "Do you think I'm making this up? Why?" Hurt and distress were plain on her face. A sharp crease formed between her eyes, which were suddenly glassy with unshed tears.

"To ease my guilt," I concluded plainly. "I can't ignore the evidence, Bella. Or your history of trying to let me off the hook when I make mistakes." Images were flashing through my head. All the things I had said or done that had hurt her, endangered her, caused her pain. They stalked me now, specters of guilt and remorse.

She grabbed my chin then. Her face was only three inches from mine and her clear, sweet breath assaulted me with every adamant word she spoke. "You listen to me, Edward Cullen. I am not pretending anything for your sake, okay? I didn't even know there was a reason to make you feel better until you started being all miserable. I've never been so happy in all my life—I wasn't this happy when you decided you loved me more than you wanted to kill me. . ." My mind flashed to that Saturday in our meadow and the poignant taste of our blossoming love.

". . . Or the first morning I woke up and you were there waiting for me. . ." I saw her sleeping face, heard her murmuring my name, knowing that I would be forever transformed just by loving her.

". . . Not when I heard your voice in the ballet studio. . ." the memory of her body, broken and bleeding, made me flinch in remembered agony.

". . . Or when you said 'I do' and I realized that, somehow, I get to keep you forever." I had felt the same wonder and joy.

". . . Those are the happiest memories I have, and this is better than any of those. So just deal with it." Her glaring eyes challenged me to contradict her.

I didn't know where to start or how to respond. I gently stroked the tiny frown line between her eyebrows. "I'm making you unhappy now. I don't want to do that."

"Then don't you be unhappy. That's the only thing that's wrong here." How did she speak with such self-assurance and conviction? I thought back to her words when she joined me in the ocean. Was that only yesterday? I felt like I had lived through a lifetime of suffering in just one night.

_"Don't be afraid. We belong together,"_ she had stated. How I wished I could believe that!

I took a deep breath and nodded. I would never mention any of this again. I would be a cheerful, loving companion. I would give her the most beautiful memories of our honeymoon paradise. . . Memories so bright that they would shine, even when remembered through her heightened vampire senses after I changed her. This darkest of days would fade and disappear.

"You're right. The past is the past and I can't do anything to change it. There's no sense in letting my mood sour this time for you. I'll do whatever I can to make you happy now."

I met her suspicious look with a simple smile. My negative feelings were locked away tightly from view. I would not subject her to my pain again.

"Whatever makes me happy?" Her voice was coy, almost seductively smooth. I stifled a grimace of discomfort.

Her stomach growled in that same instant and I snapped at the excuse to escape our bed. "You're hungry."

I swiftly rose and pulled on a pair of loose khaki pants. Tiny white feathers swirled around me, drifting across the floor and sticking in my hair. Bella sat up in bed and shook some feathers from her hair and body. I averted my eyes, uncomfortable with my thoughts. I didn't want to notice the way the light hit the curve of her hips, or see the shadow cast by her full breasts. I didn't want to think of the burning of her scent in my throat as I planted kisses on her shoulders, her stomach, the soft. . ._ Ugh. This hurts._

"So, why exactly did you decide to ruin Esme's pillows?" she asked with innocent curiosity. I stared out the window to the glistening waves. How much did she miss last night? I ran my hand through my hair, a nervous habit, dislodging more feathers in the process.

My mood was instantly darker as I muttered, "I don't know if I decided to do anything last night. We're just lucky it was the pillows and not you." I had said too much. Was I going to break my promise already? _Control. Deep breath._

I shook away the despair and smiled at her with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. I couldn't tell if she even heard my comment then, because I was distracted by her climbing gingerly off the large bed. She reached high above her head, stretching. The bright sunlight illuminated every bruise, shadow and blemish. It was even worse than I had realized. I gasped in shock and had to turn away to regain control. My hands clenched into fists so tight I would have crushed a steel bar to fine powder.

"Do I look that hideous?" Her tone was light and playful.

I took in a swift breath at her use of the word. _Hideous. I'm a hideous monster_. Behind me, her light steps carried her to the bathroom. I was frozen, sure that she would see things differently now. I swallowed, gulped really, anticipating her cries or screams of horror.

Moments passed and then her groan of despair cut into me like a razor blade. I was there behind her in an instant. She was staring at her reflection with a look of dismay. I had no idea what to say or do to comfort her.

"I'll never get this out of my hair!" she pointed to the feathers that were plastered into her unruly hair.

"You would be worried about your hair," I muttered darkly. But I stepped to her side and concentrated on pulling the white fluff from amid the tangles.

"How did you keep from laughing at this? I look ridiculous." How could I respond to that?

"This isn't going to work," she sighed. "It's all dried in. I'm going to have to wash it out." She twisted around to face me. Her warm arms wrapped enticingly around my waist. "Do you want to help me?"

_Yes!_ My body screamed. I thought of our shower last night. . . her body glowing with desire and slick with soapy bubbles. _Oh God, I can't do this_! I would have growled, but I crushed that urge, too.

"I'd better find some food for you." I retreated from her embrace as fast as I could without hurting her.

Physically that is. Her dejected sigh followed me with barbed stings of regret.

* * *

><p>The melodic spray of the shower carried to me from the bathroom as I assessed the contents of the refrigerator. <em>Hmmm.<em> I counted backwards in my head. It was more than 20 hours since Bella's last meal. She should be fainting from hunger! I resolved to be better about providing for her basic needs. I couldn't allow my distractions. . . now there was an awfully innocuous word for what I was feeling!. . .to jeopardize her health. Even though it was afternoon, I decided breakfast food was most appropriate and set to work preparing a bacon and cheese omelet.

Emmett had ribbed me pretty hard for watching episode after episode of cooking shows on the Food Network. Rosalie was especially nauseated by the raw ingredients and smells of my first experiments in the kitchen. However, without anybody to test the concoctions, my success was purely academic and here-to-fore unproven.

I threw myself into the project, satisfied that I had a productive outlet for my energy. Anything to keep my mind from drifting to join Bella in the shower. . _. Oh, no. There I go again._ With a shaky breath, I carefully set about reconstructing the shattered restraints that I had prematurely abandoned in the height of our passion.

_I will not give in. I will not waver._ These words became my mantra.

A whisper of doubt crept up my spine. If Bella wanted to make love again. . . I gulped down the cravings that make my mouth water. How would I turn her down without hurting her feelings?

She had a one track mind when it came to physical intimacy. Even before our engagement she had challenged my self-control in ways I wouldn't have thought possible. Now that I knew the sweet abandon of possessing her body, how could I return to those chaste kisses and simple caresses?

I had a skillet on the stove with butter melting when I heard Bella exit the shower and walk to the dresser. She took her time unpacking her clothes and accessories. I could not differentiate between scents with the sizzling bacon and melted butter right beneath my nose. However, the tell-tale whisper of satin and silk created a tickling sensation in my lower stomach_. _

_ Lecherous fool!_ I chastised myself.

This was not going to work! But it had to. If we could only stay busy and away from the house as much as possible, I could find the strength. I heard the subtle sound of soft fabric stretching and sliding over still damp skin. I only had moments before I would have to face her.

I slid the fully cooked omelet deftly onto a waiting plate. It looked like a huge portion for her petite body, but again, she had not eaten anything for over a day. I turned to greet her with a smile.

"Here," I said, depositing the plate with silverware on the small tiled table.

Bella eagerly crossed the room and slid into one of the waiting chairs. She wore a simple, white cotton dress. Her wet hair was as dark as ebony. _Snow White_, I thought to myself. Beautiful, pure, innocent. . . but I didn't think I really fit the description of the prince. I had a better record of creating danger and threatening her life than rescuing her.

I turned away from my morbid thoughts, entertained by the ravenous way she was inhaling her food. I took a seat across from her. "I'm not feeding you enough," I said by way of apology.

She swallowed hastily. "I was asleep. This is really good, by the way. Impressive for someone who doesn't eat."

"Food Network," I replied with a grin. I guess my experiments had paid off. Although, I was pretty sure near-starvation was tipping my approval ratings a little bit.

"Where did the eggs come from?"

"I asked the cleaning crew to stock the kitchen. A first for this place," I stated wryly. "I'll have to ask them to deal with the feathers. . ." my voice faded. This was not where I wanted my thoughts or words to lead. Bella watched me silently as I stared into space, searching for a distraction.

She finished her food quickly. I was vaguely impressed that there was nothing left over. "Thank you," she said simply. She leaned towards me for a kiss, and I kissed her back without thinking. The taste of her sweet lips instantly resurrected the burning need within me. I stiffened and leaned back in my chair.

Her teeth were clenched tightly together when she spoke. "You aren't going to touch me again while we're here, are you?"

I had no answer for the bitter accusation that underscored her question. What could I say without hurting her? A simple "No" sounded cold. I wasn't rejecting her. I just needed to buy some time. A few weeks at most. The first night would surely be the worst.

She looked at me expectantly, I still had not responded to her question. With a wistful smile, I raised my hand to stroke her cheek from the corner of her eye down to her stubborn chin. She leaned gently against the palm of my hand.

"You know that's not what I meant."

_Of course I know. But what do you want me to say? _I sighed in defeat. "I know. And you're right." Speaking my resolve out loud added strength and conviction to my decision. Surely she would hear that and understand it was because of my unequivocal love that I had to say no. "I will not make love with you until you've been changed. I will never hurt you again."

Her eyes challenged my certainty with their transparent disappointment. She wouldn't give up without a fight. But I wasn't afraid to play dirty. I just needed to keep her busy. And tired.

The dolphins. Yes, we would definitely look for the dolphins. Snorkeling, exploring the island, swimming. . . heck, we could even build sand castles if it would keep her occupied and out of danger.

The trembling of her lower lip almost did me in.

_Okay. Time to go. Now!_

* * *

><p><em>Well, I hope that lived up to your expectations for the wedding night. Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, followed andor favorited this story. It has been like visiting an old friend to re-read and edit this story. I'm glad you chose to ride along!_


	5. Holding Out

All characters and plot developments belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**This chapter corresponds to the first part of Breaking Dawn Book 1 Chapter 6 - _Distractions_**

* * *

><p>"Bella, why don't you grab a swimsuit? There's something I saw yesterday that I've been dying to show you!" I knew my enthusiasm sounded forced. Bella regarded me with suspicion, but retreated to the bedroom without a word.<p>

Several minutes passed. I stepped out onto the shady porch and scanned the horizon, hoping to see the tell-tale splashes and grey twisting bodies that would indicate the dolphins were close. _Hmm. Perhaps on the other side of the island?_ The reef was more developed there and presumably offered better hunting for the aquatic mammals.

I set off around to the leeward side of the island at a fast pace. From a low bluff, I was able to see for miles, until the curvature of the earth swallowed the ocean. Sure enough, sunlight glinted off a stunning aerobatic display. Silver bodies leaped and dove in a choreographed performance that took my breath away. Bella would absolutely love this! I returned to the bungalow in a flash.

I heard the whisper of bare feet as Bella padded across the house to join me. The strong smell of coconut-scented sun block almost completely obscured Bella's naturally floral scent. I wrinkled my nose in distaste.

_On second thought, this should make things a bit easier for me_.

Bella stepped out onto the porch.

_Never mind. I take that back._

It was definitely a struggle to maintain my placid expression. Alice had packed a designer bikini that looked like it was made just for Bella. Rich, chocolate brown fabric was gathered in a layered twist to form a stylish top. The bottoms were made from matching fabric and sat low on her hips.

I had always admired Bella's figure, but this. . . This was stunning and sexy and unbelievably adorable. I had become accustomed to Bella's normal, conservative dressing. Alice always cringed at Bella's wardrobe, but I had never really cared. Seeing her dressed like this made me alternately dazed and proud to the point of conceit. The most desirable woman in the world had chosen me! The dark bruises that mottled her skin kept me sober, but I was able to offer her a genuine smile as I took her hand and led her down to the beach.

"So what is this big surprise?' Bella cast a sidelong glance at me. She looked uncomfortable in the skimpy beach wear, but somehow that just made her more attractive.

"I know you don't like surprises. Just trust me. This is going to be an exception to the rule," I grinned at her.

It took more than 10 minutes to walk to the bluff where I had sighted the dolphins, a distance that had taken seconds when I ran. Bella picked her way carefully along the sandy trail. Occasional roots and vines somehow gripped her ankles and tripped up her feet. I found myself wondering how our relationship would change when Bella was a vampire.

How much of her attraction to me was based on my superior strength and agility? If I wasn't superhuman to her, would she still look at me with those wide-eyed glances that I adored? She would be stronger than me for the first several months, possibly a whole year. I was the fastest of my family, but she would definitely rival my speed as a newborn. I tried to shrug this latest insecurity off, but the seed of doubt had already put down its first roots.

_Don't be stupid. Bella wants you! She is sacrificing her entire life, her future with her family, everything that she has ever known, just to spend eternity with you. _

_But what if I'm not enough? Eternity is a long time. _

Bella was less than 19 years old to my 108 years. I had seen and done things she could never dream of. When I met Bella, I knew she was the one. A century of searching told me that.

But what if it wasn't the same to her? The human mind and body are simple and weak compared to a vampire's. I knew she would be the same Bella, just as I was the same Edward. However, something fundamental would change between us and I wasn't sure if that change would bring us closer. . . or pull us apart.

Bella gasped and stumbled. Reflexively I had her by the waist before she could hit the ground.

"Ow, ow, ow! I stubbed my toe!" She leaned against me, rubbing her offended foot vigorously. "Edward, you have no idea how jealous I am sometimes. You can walk through anything barefoot without ever wincing! Ugh! Sometimes I hate being just a clumsy human."

I laughed despite myself. "Would you like me to carry you? It's just a bit further." My voice sounded a little off, despite my humor.

Bella looked into my eyes, trying to read them, although I'm not sure what she expected to see. I took her hesitation as consent and swept her into my arms. "Edward!" She shrieked in surprise.

"Humor me." I was already running and Bella held tightly to my neck as the tropical landscape whipped past us. Before she had taken three breaths, I reached the top of the bluff and set her down, facing the open ocean.

The sun had passed its zenith and was beginning its descent. The water shimmered in the afternoon light. Bella was standing still. Her face glowed in the warm sunlight and her hair was streaked with red and auburn highlights. A light breeze was blowing towards us. Bella's eyes feasted on the panoramic view, but mine were fixed on her childlike expression of enchantment.

"Oh! Did you see that?" she pointed excitedly. I heard the accompanying splash and a high-pitched chirping. "Oh, Edward, they're dolphins! They're so beautiful!"

I held Bella's hand as we clambered down the sandy bank. When we reached the bottom, Bella squished her toes into the sand with delight. I mimicked her, analyzing the feel of the fine white grains slipping like crushed diamonds between my toes. It was a strangely stimulating sensation.

Bella looked down at my feet then grinned. I couldn't help myself; I laughed out loud.

"Come on, I want to get closer!" Her excitement was contagious and we were soon diving into the shallow water. We were only ten yards out when the dolphins started retreating into deeper water. "Oh, no! Where are they going? Do you think we scared them?"

I was shocked by an indistinct mental feeling of unease and defensiveness. I looked at Bella, and she returned my stare with a questioning look. We were treading water with no human beings for dozens of miles in any direction.

There it was again! A vague sensation, like focused emotions without words. The feeling faded and became cautiously curious. At that moment, I heard the trilling sound of the dolphins communicating with one another. They had ceased their retreat, and were leaping and cavorting back and forth less than 100 yards off shore.

_Carlisle is going to be beside himself when I tell him this! _

I responded to Bella's earlier question. "No, you didn't scare them. I did." She raised her eyebrows, waiting for me to continue. "They sensed my presence and must instinctively see me as a predatory threat. But they are curious. If I get out of the water, they may come closer in."

"Really? Do you think they would come this far?"

"We can always see." Something akin to adrenaline was stimulating my sense of excitement and adventure. Bella's eyes were bright and her breathing was fast, but strong, even with the exertion of treading water for so long. "Will you be okay if I wait on the beach?" I was a little concerned to be far from her side, but I knew I could swim the distance in seconds.

I had heard of dolphins and their friendly attitude towards humans, but the humming of emotions and wordless thoughts in the back of my mind placed them much closer to humans than I would have guessed. When Bella nodded her assent, I stroked swiftly back to the sandy strip and stood just out of the water, watching Bella closely.

It took several minutes, but then I felt a shift in the pod's intentions. The sleek bodies cruised just beneath the waves, traveling swiftly towards Bella. I was nervous, now. The feeling I picked up was simply curiosity, but these were animals, not people. Strong animals who were known, on occasion, to fight and beat sharks in open attacks. I shivered at the thought and stood, tensed and ready to spring into the water at the first sign of danger.

I identified four different heartbeats now. The closest dolphin paused now, floating vertically in the water, with its head standing clear of the waves. Beady eyes peered at us. Intelligent. Considering.

The others hung back, circling and occasionally coming up for air. Bella reached out one hand, still paddling and treading water steadily. Not for the first time, I admired her bravery and courage. I knew that the leader was assessing me. Suspicion and curiosity wavered back and forth, before curiosity won.

The leader closed the last five yards slowly and paused before Bella's outstretched hand. She didn't even flinch. The bottle-shaped nose bumped gently against her hand. Her bell-like laugh rippled across the water as she caressed the silver skinned creature. The other three joined the first and one leaped into the air, spinning once, before slicing effortlessly back into the water.

I was mesmerized by the sight of Bella, so at ease in this environment. How was it that she could have such an affinity for animals and mythical creatures, but such a difficult time relating to her own species?

Bella swam for almost an hour, with the dolphins cavorting jubilantly around her. They had never had friends not of their own kind, and humans in boats did not usually come to this area. They were as amused by Bella as she was by them. I could tell when Bella began to tire, although I was nowhere close to being tired of watching her. She was having so much fun!

"Bella! Did you want to come in now? We can always come back tomorrow."

"And the next day?" she called back. Her voice was tinged with exhaustion, but still so light and carefree.

"Of course, if you wish!" I chuckled as I swam back out to her. She was grateful for my assistance, probably only now registering the fatigue in her muscles. The dolphins fled to deeper waters as soon as I was knee deep in the ocean. However, the threatened feeling was more like wary speculation this time.

Bella draped her arms around my neck and allowed me to tow her safely into the shallows. Back on her feet, she clasped my hand in hers and we found a place in the sand to sit and absorb the orange rays of the setting sun. Bella leaned her head on my shoulder, but kept my hand in hers.

"What are you thinking?" I asked.

"Just that I think this must be a magical place." She smiled warmly up at me. The setting sun cast a rosy glow across her features.

"I have to agree with you, love."

Bella tilted her face up to mine, her lips slightly apart. I lowered my mouth to hers, entranced by the tender gesture of trust and affection. Bella twisted slightly to face me and her free hand cupped the base of my skull, pulling my mouth more firmly against hers. Her sweet taste and the velvet caress of her tongue on my lips sent my thoughts flying away, far away.

There was only her and me. No house, no beach, no ocean. Just us, floating through the ether, wrapped in a cocoon of warmest silk.

Bella inhaled sharply through her nose. I moved my kisses to her jaw, then throat, allowing her to draw in several lungs full of air. Her heartbeat pounded out a furious rhythm. I grabbed her shoulders pulling her deeper into my embrace.

She flinched in my hands. I stiffened and pushed her away, suddenly aware that my stone-hard fingers were digging into the tender, day-old bruises. I flinched as if it were my own flesh that had been tortured.

"Edward, don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't pull away from me like that." Her voice was thick with emotion. Disappointment and, something more?

"I just don't want you to miss your first tropical sunset." I smiled sweetly at her and nodded towards the orange orb that was hanging pendulously over the western horizon. The ocean was on fire, streaks of red and amber reflected the cloudless sky.

Bella glared at me, at first. She didn't want to let this go. But the brilliancy of the setting sun overpowered her need to corner me with her agenda.

Bella was smiling again, leaning against my body in a languid way that I knew indicated sleep would not be far off. We sat silently as the sun melted into the ocean. The island was coming alive with evening sounds. Mosquitoes droned, and birds called out to one another. We would explore the island tomorrow. Right now, I needed to get Bella back to the house, fed, and into bed. Bella allowed me to carry her home without argument.

Dinner was a quick and simple affair. Scrambled eggs, a slice of ham and toast with fresh butter. I felt a little guilty about the anticlimactic end to our day, but Bella seemed famished and obviously wouldn't have waited for me to prepare something more complicated. Tomorrow I would surprise her with a more sophisticated menu.

My khakis were stiff from two swims in the ocean and drying while we sat in the sun on the sandy beach. Bella had a slight sunburn on her nose and shoulders. Her shoulders rolled forward even as she valiantly tried to beat back the exhaustion that was weighing her down.

"Why don't we get you to bed, hmm?" I murmured when she had cleaned her plate of every last crumb.

She nodded weakly.

Bella leaned against me as I escorted her to the large bathroom. Her feet stumbled a bit, but she seemed to be revitalized at the prospect of a shower.

I didn't join her in the shower. I honestly didn't know how I would have fared with last night's memories still so vivid and powerful. Instead, I sat on the floor, a cool construction of dark slate laid in a diamond pattern, and we talked in quiet tones about some of the other attractions of the island.

After today's adventure, Bella was eager to explore more, and I thrilled at her joyful anticipation. Bella turned off the shower and I held out a large, fluffy beige towel for her to wrap herself in. She blushed, dipping her head shyly as I took her place and started the water. I self-consciously shed my filthy slacks and swiftly rinsed away the salt and sand.

Bella was watching me as I grabbed the other towel and wrapped it around my waist. I didn't like the way she was assessing me. Well, actually, I did like it. Way too much. I cleared my throat uncomfortably and was rewarded by her scarlet blush.

"Um, so I'll see you in a minute?"

I nodded in reply as I squeezed past her and heard the bathroom door shut softly behind me. I ran my hands through my hair, dragging my fingers against my scalp. This was going to be difficult.

I went to our bedroom to grab some clothes and was met with a downy layer of feathers. I exhaled forcefully and gathered the contents of my suitcase. There was another bedroom.

"Bella?" I knocked softly on the bathroom door.

"Yes?" she replied, surprised. Her voice sounded odd and I registered that I had interrupted her brushing her teeth.

"I thought we should sleep in the other room until the cleaning crew can take care of this. I'll bring your suitcase over after you're done, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed.

I stood at the tall window, lost in thought. I heard Bella exit the bathroom and rummage around looking for clothes. I doubted Alice would have approved of Bella's normal bedtime attire. Old sweats and a ratty T-shirt. A wistful smile turned up the corners of my mouth. The night of our first kiss was one of my happiest memories. She had looked so beautiful!

The bedroom door opened behind me, interrupting my reverie.

I turned, somewhat hesitantly. Bella was radiant in a long, cream-colored silk nightgown. It was simply cut, with spaghetti thin straps of braided silk cord. A long slit ran from her ankle to the middle of her right thigh. My eyes traveled up, caressing her womanly curves, which were neither hidden, nor completely revealed by the smooth fabric. Her hair was still damp, but it was combed straight, lying in long ebony strands over her sun-kissed shoulders and down her back.

The vision before me was so elegant and stunning that I forgot to breathe.

Bella ducked her head, glancing up at me from beneath her thick lashes. Normally, when she looked at me that way, it was accompanied by a rosy blush. I was confused when her face remained cool. She took five measured steps towards me, stopping at the side of the bed, with a small smile hovering about her lips.

"Are you coming to bed?" she asked quietly. I cleared my throat; a very human response.

"Um, yeah." I was very conscious that I was just wearing a pair of linen trousers, cinched loosely at the waist with a drawstring. Why hadn't I thought to at least grab a shirt?

Bella climbed into bed, showing only the slightest hesitation from muscles which were obviously bruised and fatigued. She would be sore tomorrow. Under normal circumstances, I would have offered her a light massage to rub away the aches. I didn't dare do that now.

_I will not give in. I will not waver._

My mantra had been so convincing in the bright light of the kitchen. Now, with moonlight illuminating Bella's face and figure, I was not so sure. She lay down in the exact center of the bed, and held her hand out to me, inviting me to join her.

My feet were moving of their own accord, and I settled down next to her. I left six inches of space between us_. No man's land._ But Bella discarded the one-sided treaty and closed that gap.

Her face was tilted up to mine. Her eyes were half closed, and her lips vibrated gently with pent up desire. Afraid to breathe, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and drew her head down to rest on my chest.

Bella sighed. She was disappointed that I had not kissed her. I pressed my lips to the top of her head and ran my hand soothingly down her back. "You're exhausted, my love. Try to get some sleep. Let your body recover."

"There's nothing wrong with my body." Her fingers were tracing paths of flame across my abdomen. She outlined each individual muscle of my stomach, gradually working her way downwards. I swallowed, tense and uncomfortable. The molten flames were building inside my core.

_I will not give in. I will not waver._

Was it not enough that I had to stifle my longing and curb my urges? The return to celibacy was more painful than every temptation I had ever faced. I belligerently repeated my mantra until the fire cooled. It was not gone, only smoldering quietly. But it was manageable, for now.

Bella's fingers paused at my waistband. I had not acknowledged her caresses in any way. Not denying her right to touch me, nor encouraging her to continue. What was she thinking about? Was she nervous about her forward behavior? Bella was no more schooled in the art of seduction than I was.

Even so, she seemed to naturally know exactly what would drive me wild with desire.

I was glad she paused. Some sign of nervousness or restraint was good. Her cheek felt suddenly hotter, pressed against my chest. Her fingers twitched, but then began a path back toward my chest. Her hand came to rest, then, warming my heart. It was this very pose that had melted my resistance last night in the ocean. I tightened my embrace minutely.

Bella's breathing gradually slowed, and her heartbeat settled into the steady rhythm of sleep.

I breathed a brief 'thank you' and settled in to wait out one of the longest nights of my interminable existence.

I lay, staring blankly at the wall for hours. A small part of my consciousness counted the slow ticking of the wall clock. It taunted me with its slow pace. In the life of an immortal, one night was equivalent to a short breath. In my case, one night dragged on. . . and on. . . and on.

I glared at the offending timepiece. It was mounted on the wall opposite me. Finely wrought steel was cut into intricate palm leaves and wound around the circumference of the clock face in a tropical motif. This bedroom was smaller than the other, of course, but in many ways more suited to me. It was darker, more masculine.

Teak paneling gave it a warm appeal, and the furniture was all handcrafted from hard woods. Koa wood, I guessed from the golden glow and heavy scent. The bed was smaller, and made up with luxurious blue silk. Like the other room, one wall was completely constructed of tall windows, with French doors leading out to the beach.

Esme's imaginative design and delicate touch were evident in the choice of colors and materials. Palm branches swayed outside, dancing in the silvery light of the moon. This was a lover's retreat, offering a peaceful interlude for companions to enjoy each other and share one another's company.

It was difficult to feel peaceful with Bella's warm body draped with such tantalizing abandon over mine. In an attempt to keep my imagination under wraps, I recited the Constitution of the United States to myself. Then I translated it into every major language I knew. Spanish, French, German, Arabic, Portuguese, Italian, Russian, Chinese, Japanese. . . half way through the Japanese recitation, I noticed a perceptible lightening outside. A glance at the detested clock confirmed that it was almost 6 o'clock. The sun would rise soon. The seconds ticked slowly on. . .

* * *

><p>Bella inhaled slowly and rolled onto her back. Her eyes were still closed as she raised her arms above her head and stretched languidly. She exhaled and turned her head to peer at me. "Hey," she said sheepishly.<p>

"Good morning, love," I replied, just relieved that this night was over.

Bella snuggled into my side again, seeking respite from the oppressive heat. Even in the early morning, the air was heavy with humidity and very warm. How ironic. Last spring I had been so jealous of Jacob Black and his ability to keep her warm while camping in the mountains. I felt a lot better about that now. Hmm.

"So, what's for breakfast, Chef Cullen?"

"What would you say to waffles with strawberries and whipped cream?" I thought it was a very appropriate breakfast for a honeymoon. Romantic, sweet and refreshing. Or at least that's how the host had described it on that cooking show.

"Mmmm, that sounds delicious. Wait, strawberries in August?" Bella seemed momentarily baffled.

"We're in the Southern Hemisphere, this is almost springtime," I explained.

She sat up suddenly. "You mean it gets _hotter_ than this?"

I couldn't help laughing. "You used to live in Phoenix. Doesn't it reach over 100 degrees in the summer there?"

"Well, yes. But it isn't so humid that you need two showers a day." Her retort made me laugh again. She looked so offended.

"You just can't be satisfied, can you?" I teased. "Too cold and rainy in Forks, too hot and sunny in the tropics. What am I going to do with you?" I drew her back into my embrace.

"I don't mind Forks. The rain's not so bad." Her voice was muffled against my shoulder.

"That's a good thing, since we are a little conspicuous if we try to live in sunnier regions." Bella nodded her head, but whatever she was about to say was cut off by a growl from her impatient stomach. She colored with embarrassment and sat back up. "That's my cue, right?" I asked with a grin.

"Let me just take a human minute, okay? Oh. . . and Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

"Those eggs you made last night tasted wonderful. Could I have some of those, too?"

"Anything for you, Bella." I kissed her perfect nose and chuckled as her hopeful expression turned into a satisfied grin.

She practically leaped out of the bed and walked swiftly to the bathroom. Only the flash of her thigh through the long slit of her gown sent a momentary jolt of uncomfortable desire through me. However, I took too much joy in her exuberant attitude to allow my dark mood to return.

_What a night!_ I sighed and padded into the kitchen to prepare her breakfast, slipping into a charcoal grey T-shirt as I walked.

I avoided listening to Bella as she lingered in the shower. I needed to formulate a strategy. We had planned to stay on the island for two weeks before returning to Forks and preparing for our 'move' to Dartmouth. So, I had 12 days, _and twelve nights_, I reminded myself with a groan. To wait. To keep Bella busy and distracted. I did not relish the thought of more nights like last night. I decided to pick out some activities to keep myself busy while Bella slept.

It wasn't that I was bored. Rather, I was so awake, and every sense was so highly tuned to Bella's presence, that every second was an agonizing temptation to gaze at her, stroke her porcelain skin, kiss her, bury my face in her hair and inhale the fiery bouquet of her scent.

I had the waffle batter mixed and resting on the counter 'to allow the elastin to develop', or something like that. The TV chefs had complicated reasoning behind all of their instructions. I cracked several eggs into a small mixing bowl. I marveled for a second at my body's ability to handle something as fragile as an egg and brush it against the side of the metal bowl with just the right amount of force to crack it open. If I increased the pressure by the smallest fraction, the shell and the yolk inside would have been shattered. Obliterated.

It was a chilling thought. Bella's body was barely stronger than this egg. Her bones broke so easily. Hadn't she fractured a knuckle just punching Jacob's jaw? Human force broke her. I would crush her. My teeth were clenched in agony as I saw her body in my perfect memory. She was stretching in the morning light, completely covered in bruises. Only my continuous exposure to human weakness had given my muscles the subconscious control to avoid killing her. Neither of us could afford for me to lose control like that again!

While my brain spun in circles, my hands were busy. I added a small amount of water, and in mere seconds whipped the eggs to a frothy blend of yellow slime. My stomach recoiled. With a shake of my head, I supressed my natural revulsion and set a frying pan on the stove to heat.

I was glad Bella had a huge appetite and was enjoying my cooking. I had to trust the chefs on TV and the details of sight and smell I had picked up from watching Bella prepare meals for herself and Charlie. In my opinion, this looked just as appetizing as the meal worms our biology instructor fed to his pet iguana.

I finished assembling Bella's breakfast and was just spooning whipped cream onto the mound of sliced strawberries when she came out of the bedroom. She was dressed in a pair of khaki shorts and a rose hued tank top. Like many of the clothes Alice picked out, the cuts were simple but flattering.

_Hmmm. Strawberries and cream_. Part of my mind smirked at the analogy. She looked good enough to eat. I raised an eyebrow and smiled as she crossed the room and wrapped her arms around me.

"Wow! Is that all for me?"

My mind flashed back to the bowls of batter and raw eggs. _No. Too gross._ "You don't have to eat it all. I wanted the presentation to be right. Half of a Belgian waffle just doesn't have the same impact."

"Food Network, again?"

"Of course," I replied with a shrug and a grin.

She chuckled and eased into the chair I pulled out for her. Yes, her muscles were definitely sore. That would explain the extra long shower.

"So what does my tour guide have planned for today?" Bella asked.

She dug in to her breakfast as if she hadn't eaten an impossibly huge dinner the night before. "Mmmm. Wow, this is unbelievable! Why do you have to be so good at everything?"

Why did she sound annoyed?

"Does it bother you so much that I love you and want to take care of you?" I asked. After my insecure thoughts yesterday, I was really curious to know how she felt about the perceived imbalance in our relationship. Never mind that I didn't feel worthy of her! She was so considerate and selfless and brave.

"No. I really love that about you. It makes me feel safe and secure." She paused in between bites, looking pensively at her plate. "It's just that I don't always understand what it is that I do for you. You can buy whatever you want. You are impervious to most physical threats. I guess it just seems like I'm always taking, and you're always giving."

Oh, this argument, again. . . Bella's brooding eyes were hidden behind lowered lashes. Tenderly, I lifted her chin so that she could see the truth of my words on my face. "Bella, you are my life, my love, my entire future. You have resurrected my humanity, something I thought was lost more than 80 years ago. You have inspired me, loved me, and made me happier than any man, mortal or immortal, has a right to hope for. What gift could be greater than your body and soul? I will treasure that gift for all eternity. That is why I can never bear to hurt you again!"

Bella was breathless, perhaps shocked by the force behind my declaration. Before I could over-think it, I brushed my lips tenderly against her lips, her nose, and her eyes as they fluttered closed at my touch. I noticed that her knuckles were turning white as she clenched her fork in her hand. I pulled back to let her regain her composure. She dipped her head to take a hasty bite, and kept her eyes downcast as she chewed and swallowed.

"I guess you do love me." Her posture indicated that her thoughts went much further. Her unspoken words drove a wedge of guilt into my side as I remembered her wistful sighs, lying in my arms last night. _Soon, my love_, I thought. _Soon._

"You are so absurd," I chuckled. "Now finish your breakfast. I want to see if we can find those birds that were making such a racket last night. They sound like a species that I saw last time I was in South America, but I can't be sure. Don't worry, it will be fun!" I assured her when I noticed her skeptical look. "Oh, and you should wear some sturdy shoes, we may not be staying on the paths." She groaned at this revelation and I burst into loud laughter. The atmosphere in the room had lightened considerably.

Bella finished her food swiftly then, and we left the house in a hurry like two eager young adventurers. Carefree and in love.

Isle Esme was shaped like a tear drop, less than 2 miles long and much narrower in width. The northernmost part tapered to a point, with the house perched in a position where you could see the ocean from three sides. The bottom third of the island rose into a rocky peak, which crested about 150 feet above sea level. A thick jungle formed a canopy over the slopes, thinning at the higher elevations, but forming an abrupt wall of green shadows by the beach. A thin strip of sand rimmed the southern part of the island, periodically interrupted by rocky tide pools.

This was our destination as we walked hand-in-hand along the eastern coastline. Bella stopped occasionally to examine a particularly colorful shell, or a well-formed rock. I had no desire to push our leisurely pace. A peaceful harmony existed between us; words were unnecessary.

With Bella's eyes on her feet, I took responsibility for steering our course around the occasional piece of driftwood or exposed coral shelf. The sun was still low in the sky and our shadows stretched off to the right, rippling across the uneven sand. I found myself humming brief snatches of a melody. It was enchanting and powerful, but incomplete. I knew what I would be focusing on tonight.

In the shallow water, large shadows were gliding, occasionally disappearing into the deeper spaces between the reef. Then I saw a reptilian head rise above the water for a couple seconds. Turtles? They must be. I was impressed by their size. The largest was probably three feet across at the widest point of its mottled green shell.

"Bella, look," I pointed to the place where I last saw one surface. "Sea turtles."

"Turtles? Where?" She was instantly intrigued, her aimless shell hunt momentarily abandoned. Her face reflected the same childish wonder that she had exhibited yesterday.

I wished she could see through my eyes. The sun reflected off the rippling ocean as if angels had recklessly scattered armfuls of diamonds across the open water. Deep tones of aquamarine were interrupted by darker places—shadows of reefs that were entire ecosystems of their own. Coral, thousands of fish, eels, sharks. I could feel the ocean brimming with life and energy.

Another turtle surfaced for air and Bella gasped. Through her eyes, they would seem to be simply green. I could pick out the individual swirls of olive, mustard yellow and black. I could identify the color of its eyes, amber like mine when fresh from the hunt. Each individual crease of its fleshy neck was like a bold line.

If this was the joy I derived from Bella's human experiences, how much more satisfying would it be to watch the whole world unfurl before her through the brilliancy of acute vampire senses?

It was mid-morning when we finally ducked into the shadowed confines of the jungle. Although we were sheltered from direct sunlight here, the air was oppressive and humid. Only five yards into the dense foliage, the breeze was nonexistent and I was overwhelmed by the myriad of smells. The heavy fragrance of a flower I didn't recognize was wafting over the musty smell of composting vegetation, damp earth, and the faintest trace of methane that indicated an active termite colony was close by. Bella slipped on the thick leaves, and grabbed onto my arm for support.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I just wasn't watching where I was stepping. This is so. . . I don't know how to say it. . . it's breathtaking!"

That was the word I was looking for! I was drinking in her face, softly illuminated by fractured shafts of sunlight. The air glowed green from the light shining through the leafy canopy more than 50 feet above our heads.

A raucous call broke through the sultry air. "Are those the birds we're looking for?" Bella asked.

"The very same. I think they may be parrots. Hmm. This way," I led the way slowly, following the sounds of cackling and rustling wings. Bella gingerly clasped my hand for stability as we clambered over the crowded mossy logs and cluttered piles of branches and leaves.

Finding the parrots was a fun excursion. When we caught sight of the first one, Bella was delighted. Snowy white plumage gave the bird a spirit-like appearance in the dim interior. This image was destroyed when it broke into an undignified rant, trying to chase us away.

"Shhh. We won't hurt you." Bella was talking to the thing. I shook my head. But then I snapped back in shock when the bird mimicked her last two words, "_hurt you"_. She was practically jumping up and down.

"Did you hear that? He talks! I didn't know parrots talked without being trained!"

_Yeah, neither did I_. I shot the bird a bemused glare. First the dolphins, now the parrots. Granted, there were no thoughts coming from the birds. Their brains were not highly developed at all. However, it was a little disconcerting to hear human words from a very inhuman mouth.

The rest of the morning passed quickly. I caught glimpses of several other birds, multihued feathers flashed among the branches, but only the first paid us any attention.

With Bella badgering me to join in, I tried a few different lines, but the creature obviously preferred Bella. I didn't blame it; she was so warm and friendly, and I was. . . cold and dangerous. I shrugged the thought away, content to let the gibberish continue.

Bella wasn't bored at all, but before long she was famished and thirsty. With a silly little wave to the latest addition to our menagerie, Bella and I quit the wooded area in favor of the west-facing beach.

The sun beat down on us. We walked quickly now, I was eager to get Bella in the shade so she wouldn't get dehydrated or overheated.

I cursed to myself when I realized we had chosen the long route back. The beach curved sharply to the right. We had to walk the uneven rocky perimeter of a beautiful little bay. The rocky inlet dug into the west side of the island forming a sheltered cove. The reef was partially exposed and rainbow colored schools of fish darted around in the shallows.

"Have you ever been snorkeling?" I asked Bella.

"Um, I did once when I was younger. I'm not very good at it, but I'll try not to swallow my mouthpiece."

"You swallowed the mouthpiece?" I was alarmed.

"Well, I didn't really swallow it. It detached while I was swimming and it got lodged behind my teeth. The lifeguard had to pry my jaw open and yank it out," she admitted with a familiar blush of embarrassment.

"Only you," I sighed.

"Yeah, I know." She replied with a sardonic laugh.

It was noon by the time we were back at the house. Bella guzzled two large glasses of water while I assembled a quick lunch for her; a sandwich, a glass of orange juice, and salad.

I had requested that the cleaning crew stock ingredients that would enable Bella to have a varied diet here. But no fish. I didn't see any reason to subject myself to the odor of cooking fish. Charlie wasn't here. And, even though they ate it frequently at home, I knew fish was his favorite, not hers. More evidence of her selflessness, of course. I smiled to myself.

Bella barely paused to breathe when I set the plate in front of her. She immediately bit into the sandwich with a satisfied moan. With her eyes half closed and her face reflecting her bliss, I was having trouble keeping my thoughts on the present.

I stood up more quickly than normal. I never could maintain the human facade around Bella. Here, while we were alone, I often darted to my destination at normal speeds. What purpose did it serve to restrain myself?

I stood at the sink, focusing my attention on the domestic chore of washing dishes. I had done this dozens of times with Bella, and the motions were automatic. I was trying not to fixate on Bella's body, radiating warmth even in the tropical heat. The sounds of her eating, breathing, and, of course, the ever-present rhythm of her heart. It saturated my consciousness and my mind floated. . . The rhythm accelerated and I glanced curiously at her from the corner of my eye. Was she alright?

Bella's plate was empty and she held her glass in her right hand. Condensation was gathering on the glass, collecting in drops that trickled one by one down the side to splash on the table. The water fragmented into tiny droplets with a tinkling sound. Bella's face was red and her eyes seemed unfocused. No, they were too focused. Locked on my. . . The plate in my hand shattered.

I gripped the edges of the counter with both hands measuring and exerting enough pressure to steady myself without fracturing the counter, or denting the stainless steel sink. My vision swam. I gathered the pieces of crushed flatware.

Where was that snorkeling equipment?

I left the kitchen at vampire speed, unable to meet her startled gaze.

* * *

><p>Bella in the snorkeling gear was. . . cute.<p>

She was wearing a black bikini today. The form-hugging suit enhanced her shapely breasts and was joined in the front with a thick silver ring. Matching rings adorned both her hips on the high-cut bottoms. The black fabric was a startling contrast to her milky skin. I steadied my rebellious stomach as I forced myself to assess her bruises. The smaller ones were actually fading. However, the deep purplish hue remained in horrific blotches on much of her skin.

I looked down at my toes, digging in the sand, copying Bella's actions from the day before. I ground the fine sand to powder with the pressure of my feet. Bella stood a few paces away, adjusting the fit of her mask and the position of her snorkel.

"I'll be ready in a minute." Bella was struggling with the strap on her right fin. With an exhalation of air she stood up. "There."

She met my eyes expectantly, then traveled over my brilliant white chest, stomach, down my legs and back up again. I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to explain the odd look on her face. I was more conscious than ever of my skin reflecting the sun's rays around me like a thousand microscopic prisms.

"Did you know I've never seen you in shorts before?" I waited for the punch line. "You have nice legs."

I was afraid she was going to say something else. The tension burst out of me with an uncontrolled laugh. Was she serious?

"I'm serious! What's so funny?"

"You are, Bella. Come on, let's go scare some fish." She scowled in return.

Bella walked towards the waters edge with an exaggerated clown-like gait. I smothered another laugh. She was trying so hard not to trip over the long fins. I didn't want to distract her.

Once in the water, her graceful swimming made me feel guilty about my earlier amusement. Like yesterday, with the dolphins, Bella seemed almost at home in this environment. Surrounded by the swirling currents, her body took on an ethereal quality. Her hair billowed like an auburn cloud, each silky strand separately reflecting the light that shone through the surface.

I swam with her—not needing to breathe was more than convenient here. We followed a school of bright yellow fish that darted and swam between rocky outcroppings. Dozens of varieties of coral created a fantastic display of natural art, delicate and colorful. Bella was beside herself, discovering something new to marvel over with every dive.

We swam for hours, only taking a break for Bella to drink some water and re-apply the coconut-scented sun block. Finally exhausted, Bella pulled off her gear, one piece at a time, and tossed it onto the beach. We lay in the shallows, side by side, gazing up at the cloudless sky.

Gentle waves washed up to our shoulders and retreated back into the ocean. Above us, the azure mantle was uninterrupted in its purity. I could barely make out the telltale glint of red reflecting from Mars, invisible to Bella's human eyes. In my mind, I was visualizing astrological charts and trying to remember which constellation Mars would appear in tonight.

Unfortunately, Bella's closeness was driving me to distraction. My thoughts were jumbled by her scent and the heat of her body, so near to mine. I listened to the patterns of water that swirled about her figure.

If I focused, I could touch her that softly. I could be as silky as the water caressing her skin, smoothing away tension and worry, easing her sore muscles. I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my teeth. My hands were balled into iron fists. The need to reach out and touch her energized every cell in my body until my entire being was humming with the urgency.

Here on this sunlit beach, alone on our solitary island, we had more privacy than we would ever have after returning to Forks. Why didn't I want to trust myself? She said she wasn't hurt very badly. I should respect her enough to trust her judgment, shouldn't I? If this was what we both wanted, then why was I lying here, tied in knots, resisting my desires with every ounce of strength I possessed?

I knew what to expect now, I wouldn't lose control. I could love her like she deserved, like she wanted me to. My stubbornness was just that. Stubbornness. If we made love, I would be like the water. . . subtle. . . serene. . . gentle. . .

_Crash!_ An unexpected wave broke over us.

I was so preoccupied with the temptations of my baser appetites that I had neither felt nor heard the distinct changes in the ocean. If I had, I would have sensed the larger set of waves that were now rolling through our previously tranquil lagoon.

Bella coughed and spluttered, scrambling to get to her feet before the next wave could hit us. My first concern was her safety. However, when I realized she was fine, I couldn't help but chastise myself. I had let my thoughts run away from me.

Water. Gentle. Great analogy. Hah! Bella misinterpreted my scowl, but I wasn't about to explain the truth. Let her think I just didn't like sand up my nose. That was safer. If I encouraged her at all. . .

"Are you okay?" Bella had sand in her hair and down her back. But here she was, asking if I was okay.

"Yes. I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying attention. I should have realized that was coming and warned you." I felt even worse now in the face of her thoughtful concern.

"Edward, you can't possibly protect me from every threat or hazard. It's not like you can control the ocean!" She was consoling me? What for? Of course, I can't control the ocean.

But inside, what I was really saying was—Of course I can't control myself. If we became intimate again, I could hurt her again without even realizing it. Somehow I knew that Bella would be just as forgiving then as she was now. I wouldn't put her in that position. There shouldn't be anything for her to forgive me for!

"Let's get home," I spoke gruffly. Bella hung back a bit, giving me space. She must have sensed my mood. I did not watch the setting sun. I barely registered the darkening sky.

Bella washed up while I prepared her dinner. I was surprised that the simple motions of cooking the meal were therapeutic and my bad humor faded quickly. Bella was dressing in the blue room while I arranged the food on her plate. This was a special meal that I had planned weeks ago. Almond crusted chicken breast, braised asparagus spears and an aromatic rice pilaf.

When Bella rejoined me, she was already dressed for bed. Her gown tonight was ivory satin embroidered with tiny roses along the hem. The straps were wide at the shoulders but tapered before they met the sweetheart neckline. The skirt ended at her knees, but flared slightly and twirled enticingly around her thighs when she walked.

I set her food on the table with a glass of Coke, her favorite. She sniffed the air appreciatively. However, instead of darting straight to her seat and devouring the food like she had the past several meals, she came to me and leaned her head on my chest.

I yielded to the moment, thrilling at the feel of her supple body stroking me like a liquid flame wherever our skin met. My arms wrapped around her, holding her close. The buzzing energy from the rocky cove was back now, and increased tenfold.

Bella seemed to feel the intensity of the desire emanating from my body and she gave me no mercy. Her lips bestowed feather-light kisses across my chest and shoulders, up my neck, along my jaw. My teeth were clenched tight enough to crush iron.

Delicate fingers followed those kisses, stroking and teasing until I drew in an uneasy breath. It hissed between my teeth. Our bare calves were intertwined and I braced myself against the desire to discard every carefully constructed restraint and fall to the floor with her in my arms.

"Bella," I groaned. "You need to stop." Another gasping breath tore down my throat with the heat of a wildfire.

"No, I don't, Edward. You are my husband and I am your wife. We belong together, exactly like this!"

Her leg was rubbing against mine, past my knee, up my outer thigh. Her soft skin sent intense heat melting straight through the thin material of my shorts. My resolve wavered. The beast rose from its hiding place within me and took control. It only took a split second to complete her motion for her. With my hand under her knee, and my other arm pressing her whole body against mine I spun around and set her up on the counter. Bella's other leg wrapped around me and I was locked in.

Our lips met for the first time in more than 12 hours. The passion that had been building on both sides burst like a dam, unleashing a cataclysmic flood. Bella's fingers dragged through my hair, pulling my face down to her neck. She threw her head back as my lips and tongue followed the contours of her jaw and throat. Her back arched and I could feel every muscle she possessed straining to meld our bodies together.

Her touches last night had simmered with desire. Her forceful manner now was like boiling magma, threatening to explode forth and engulf everything in its path.

I was living this moment on two parallel paths. My memory was retracing the first night, feeding the present with a powerful compulsion to abandon all defenses. I brought my lips back to Bella's, hungering for more.

I don't know how or why, but the noble part of my soul, if soul is what you would call it, chose that moment to intervene. The present disappeared and before me I saw a vivid memory: Bella, standing and stretching before me—the beauty of her body overshadowed by injuries wrought by a violent beast.

"I have to go," I choked out the words, my face a twisted mask of guilt and self-disgust. I broke free from her embrace and stumbled back two steps. She stretched one hand out toward me, gripping the countertop with her other one.

"Edward, please. . ." she begged.

A strangled moan rose from my core. I shook my head in denial. Denial of what I had done. Denial of what I was about to do.

I spun on my heel and, faster than she could blink, I was out the door.

I heard one despairing sob escape her throat, but I was already hurtling down the beach toward the rocky peak. I never slowed, weaving effortlessly through the close-growing trees and hanging vines of the jungle. My running morphed into a leaping climb as I scaled the last 50 feet to the top of the diminutive mountain. The surface was broken and sharp, crumbling under the force of wind and time. Millennia of torrential rains, blistering sun, and violent winter storms had fragmented the porous rock.

Now, I felt more pieces disintegrate with every step. I glared at the night sky, hating it for its passive beauty. With a roar of pain, I drove my fist into the ground, burying my arm up to the elbow. I was panting hoarsely, my body mimicking a human panic attack quite accurately. I pulled my clenched fist out of the ground, fixating on the way the powdered fragments of igneous rock poured down the muscled contours of my forearm. I alternately flexed and spread my fingers, examining the unmarked skin of my knuckles.

Cold. White. Alien in the milky moonlight.

I crouched there, shaking violently. My throat burned mercilessly. I could not shut out her scent. It clung to my skin, my hair, my clothes. I could not purge her startled face from my sight. Shock and betrayal were the predominant emotions.

I had allowed her to get too close, again. By doing so, I had hurt her! A few brief moments of gratification were purchased. But at what price? Would my selfishness never end?

My throat convulsed with tearless sobs and I rolled onto my back. Fear, guilt and shame swirled in a malignant knot in my stomach. I could almost see the cankerous threads of sickly green and black that infected me, staining all of my thoughts with their diseased touch.

The demon was so strong, searching for the smallest hint of weakness. Whenever lust colored my thoughts, it growled and advanced. My lust for Bella seemed to tower over, even drown out, my love at times. And, at those times, I was terrified for her and disgusted with myself.

But didn't lust and love sometimes walk hand in hand? Surely, the looks Bella cast my way were smoldering with more than love. She had made no secret of her desire to make love with me, even months before we were married.

Loving Bella, wanting to be with Bella, was a weakness? How had I come to this? Was I truly fighting a demon or was this simply a manifestation of fears born from decades of loneliness?

My fear of losing Bella had been magnified 100 times since the day when I had truly believed she was dead. Remembering again the anguish on her face, I realized it was becoming a greater threat to her than any physical danger.

I felt like a coward.

Bella was eating dinner alone. Probably crying herself to sleep in our sad excuse for a marital bed. And I was afraid to go to her. I was too terrified of the 'demon' inside me to offer her the smallest comfort.

A hug, a gentle kiss? I sighed.

I lay in silence for over an hour. My eyes were shut, but I could feel the silvery light of the moon on my skin. I could sense the oh-so-subtle tug of its gravity as it pulled the ocean's waters toward high tide. Gradually, the gentle night air smoothed the anguished lines on my face.

My revelation came softly, almost stealthily into my mind. She needed me, as I needed her.

_I will make this up to her. _

I felt stronger and freer. I knew that my love for Bella was greater than any selfish temptation. I would not slip up again.

It was like shackles had fallen from my wrists as I disowned the monster within me. He would never hold sway over my thoughts or actions again. My desire for Bella was still great, but it felt purer for having been distilled in the crucible of her pain and my fear. I looked up to the brilliant moon.

I still heard the soft echo of Bella's melodic voice, _"Beautiful."_

Beautiful, her face. Beautiful, our love. Beautiful. . . our future.

With a satisfied smile, I leapt from the peak, casting my body hundreds of feet forward with one powerful leap. As I plummeted down, my eyes picked out each ripple of the water, every shadowed coral outcropping. My body sliced into the water, making the smallest splash, barely disrupting the shimmering surface.

As I dove into the water I felt washed clean. Reborn.

I swam swiftly back to the north. It was getting late and my Bella should not have to sleep alone. A vibrant melody was building in my head. The harmony joined, and then mellow arpeggios grew in strength until the entire complexity of a new composition was playing through my mind. It was the story of our love and passion. And it was far from over.

I did not pause in my headlong rush until I was standing at the foot of the bed, looking down on her sleeping form. Bella's face was relaxed in slumber, but the lines near her eyes told me she had indeed cried herself to sleep.

My throat ached with remorse. Hadn't I promised to never leave her again? Hadn't I sworn that she would never be alone? But I had broken my word. I had betrayed her trust. My honor was not enough to overcome my weaknesses.

Or was it? Could I be strong enough for her?

I would certainly expend every last ounce of my energy trying.

I was still wet from my swim, so I quickly showered and dressed in a pair of grey cotton pajama pants and a white T-shirt. I towel dried my hair and climbed onto the bed next to Bella. She was sleeping on top of the sheets and I carefully lay down against her side. With tender kisses, I erased her tears. Her lips were parted in the barest hint of a smile. A tremor of relief and joy reverberated through my heart.

I embraced my body's need for her. I savored the steady warmth that filled my lower stomach with a strange sense of anticipation. With fear evicted, I was able to enjoy the intense medley of feelings and emotions that combined to form the throbbing desire inside of me. Knowing that I would wait, for weeks if necessary, put a painful pressure on that need. But even the pain was different now. This was not anguished longing. There was no despair or self-loathing. Instead, this was the pain of a hunger unrelieved, a thirst unquenched. The anticipation of satisfying the need was its own intoxicating draught. I was drunk on love.

I did not want to spend a moment away from Bella's side. She hadn't breathed a word in her sleep for days, however I could never stop myself from listening and hoping. The voice of an angel, murmuring my name. It was a silly desire, but I had spent so many nights waiting for that sound, and reveling in the joy it brought me each time. I could not quit the habit now, just because Bella was too exhausted to dream.

When the sensations within me became too strong for comfort, I got up in search of a distraction. Esme had a collection of books and DVDs in the TV room. I grabbed a book at random and returned to bed. The volume was thick and dog-eared. The binding was creased and worn. Obviously one of Esme's favorites. _Gone With the Wind_. I had seen the movie decades ago, and I relaxed into a pillow to explore the Civil War-torn southern states and the whirlwind life of a southern belle.

I was half way through the spellbinding novel when Bella began to wake up. Propped up on my elbow, I looked at her face, waiting for that miraculous moment when her eyes opened and found me. It was a moment I anticipated with pleasure every night since that first night that she asked me to stay with her.

I was confused by the anger and pain when they did open. Of course. Bella knew nothing of my epiphany. She had every right to be angry with me.

"Good morning, love," I breathed. My greeting was met with silence, as if she didn't trust her voice. I lowered my eyes, thinking of the best way to word my apology. "Bella. . . I need to apologize. The way I behaved last night was. . . inexcusable. I told you before that I would not make love with you until you've been changed. I swore I would do everything in my power to make you happy, and not hurt you. And then I did the opposite. I toyed with your emotions. I should never have allowed things to progress like they did last night." I was ashamed when I remembered how I had led her on.

When I looked back into her eyes, there was no improvement. If anything, she looked angrier. Her eyes flashed at me and her lips were set in a grim line.

"So where did you go last night?" she demanded.

I rolled onto my back, cast a sidelong glance at her annoyed countenance and decided to tell as much of the truth as I could. "I was afraid. Afraid that I would hurt you again. That night, when we. . . made love. . . I lost control. Something inside of me took over. It was too powerful for me to fight, like I was possessed. I FELT possessed. I hated myself afterwards when I saw what I had done to you. . . how I'd hurt you."

I paused to take a shaky breath. I had promised not to show Bella my pain. But this was necessary for her to understand how last night had changed me.

"You cannot know the depth of my desire to be with you, in every way. That night. . . what I felt. . . was the most intense pleasure. It was more than I could have ever imagined. These last two days have been torture for me, because I wanted you, but I feared for you. Last night, I cast off that fear. There is no demon inside of me now. I will remain in control and I am not afraid."

"So, you've changed your mind?" The tentative hope in her voice alerted me to the fact that she had misinterpreted my words.

"No." I corrected her hastily. "You are too fragile, I could still hurt you. Perhaps even worse than before. I was just trying to explain that I am no longer going to run from you. I am no longer afraid."

"What?" Bella sat up and faced me. Her anger was back and more focused than before. "Why even bother apologizing if you have no intention of changing the very thing that caused the problem?" Her bitter words opened a new wound in my heart.

"Bella, please. You know why it has to be this way! It won't be long. Once I change you, we will never have to worry about this again!"

Bella's eyes narrowed into a fierce scowl. Her lower lip was pushed out into an adorable pout. Her anger caused two bright spots of color to appear on her cheeks, so much more vivid than her gentle blushes. I was more attracted to her than ever! But she had other thoughts. She eyed the book in my hand.

"Gone With the Wind?" I nodded, caught off guard by the change in subject. "Do you know the story?" she continued.

I shook my head slowly, still confused. "I've seen the movie, though."

"Well, then you know," she continued, her eyes were boring into mine. "Rhett loved Scarlett unconditionally for years. He waited for her, placing her wishes and needs before his own. All the time, she was hurting him with her stubborn selfishness. By the time she woke up and realized it, their relationship was already broken and they had nothing! Enjoy your book."

Bella flounced out of the room. Seconds later, the bathroom door shut with a loud thud.

I sat there astonished by her vehemence. Bella rarely raised her voice in anger. The threat in her words was obvious, but did she really think a bond like ours could be destroyed over something as trivial as physical love? Our love spanned the distance between two species, fusing reality and mythology in a timeless, ageless, unconditional union.

Again, I had misjudged the depth of her feelings. I could only hope that she would let go of her anger and hurt. That she would consider and understand the words I spoke earlier.

With a defeated sigh, I returned the offending novel to its place on the bookshelf and wandered into the kitchen. Even if she hated me, she would still need to eat. I prepared scrambled eggs again, taking a vindictive satisfaction in breaking the eggs one by one.

When she entered the kitchen half an hour later, Bella didn't meet my eyes and refused to speak with me. Her foul temper persisted until I suggested revisiting the dolphins. This cheered her up a bit and we spent the next several days in various forms of recreation.

I still caught Bella watching me when she thought I wasn't looking. The desire in her eyes was overshadowed by a hopelessness that wrenched my heart. Several times she invited me to join her in the TV room to watch a romantic movie, but I knew better than to encourage her, or myself, with hours intertwined on the couch. We needed to avoid any more incidents like the one in the kitchen. I would smoothly change the subject to something more. . . outdoorsy. She invariably gave in, and we ranged across the island, swam or snorkeled for hours. We even built sand castles during low tide one day.

I thought she was having fun. Her face was often wreathed in smiles and her voice was animated as we talked about the things we'd seen and experienced in the last week. However, I could not get past the regret I felt for the vague sadness that pinched the corners of her eyes. Or the tense crease between her eyebrows when she was lost in thought. With the long hours of strenuous exercise every day, Bella was eating more than ever and sleeping so deeply, she barely moved or made a sound.

One evening, she even fell asleep at the table while I was in the shower. When I found her there, slumped over her half-finished dinner, I gathered her up from her chair and carried her back to our bed. Seeing the dark circles under her eyes, feeling the exhaustion that weighed down her limbs, I felt guilty and miserable about what I was doing. But did I really have any other option?

No, I didn't.

Nights were hardest for me. Since that first evening, Bella's outfits had gotten progressively less. . . um. . . modest. Last night, she had come out of the bathroom brushing her hair. I concealed my reaction by burying my face in the book I was reading. Not a romance this time. This was the history of diamond mining, one of Carlisle's books. Fascinating in a very dry, non-sexual kind of way.

I had to read to keep my mind occupied. Every time I found myself admiring the reflection of the moonlight on her thigh, or the swell of her breasts as her chest rose and fell in her sleep, I had to remind myself to contain the heat. I don't know when I started counting down the days. But with each dawn I breathed a sigh of relief and crossed out another day on my mental calendar. The last century didn't hold a candle to the perpetual waiting I faced now.

I reclined on the silk draped bed, finishing the last chapter of my book. It discussed, in detail, the progression in mining equipment over the last millennium and how sophisticated mining technologies were affecting the global diamond market.

In the back of my mind, I was mulling over the best way to explain the feathers in the other room to the cleaning crew, which was due in tomorrow morning. They were also restocking the refrigerator—we were getting dangerously low on eggs. I guessed the protein and cholesterol were good for Bella with her increased activity level. But, even so. . .

Bella's heartbeat, a part of me was always intimately aware of its proximity and pace, grew louder as she left the bathroom and walked down the short hall.

She stepped into the room and no amount of self-control could stop the instantaneous fire that blasted through my starving body. Yes. The urge had progressed so far beyond hunger that every cell in my body felt starved for her.

Bella was a vision in a black negligee. Her hair fell in dark waves around her narrow shoulders. The lingerie she wore had a lace top that was both flattering and revealing. Lace as delicate as spider silk fell in a transparent curtain that only tempted my eyes to linger on her curves, focusing through the veil to drink in her tiny waist and the smooth curve of her hips. I wrestled my rebellious body into submission and smoothed my features into a calm welcoming smile.

She spun in a graceful pirouette before me.

"What do you think?" her voice was like melting chocolate, heavy and sweet with promises of sensory delight.

My eyes captured every line and curve, each reflection and shadow. Days of constant activity had given Bella's body a firmness and grace in movement that she had never had before. Toned muscles in her taut stomach and legs flexed and rippled as she turned. Even with layers of sun block, her skin had picked up a faint golden tone, glowing with a radiant heat that made my chest ache with longing.

I wanted nothing more than to stroke every inch of her flawless skin. I cleared my throat. . . tried to clear my mind.

"You look beautiful. You always do." My voice sounded so much more contained than I felt. My skin felt tight, too constricting. I was wound like a spring and it would only take one nudge to make me burst out of control.

"Thanks," she replied.

Her voice was off. It sounded as if she was disappointed in my reaction, but completely unsurprised by that disappointment. She climbed into bed next to me, offering no resistance as I pulled her against my chest. I didn't know how to have her next to me right now. However, this was routine. And if I were to act otherwise? She would suspect something was bothering me. I was so close to the edge that I did not know if I could touch and smell her without giving in. Her skin was an open flame, scorching me with its heat.

"I'll make you a deal," her voice was sluggish with sleep but her eyes watched mine closely.

"I will not make any deals with you." That was exactly how we ended up here in this stalemate. She had wanted to compromise. She would marry me if I made love to her as a human. _Oh!_ The memory of that first night tore through my mind, singeing everything in its path until I felt like my entire skull was in flames. Flames of passionate desire. . .

"You haven't even heard what I'm offering."

_No. But I can guess what you want in return._

"It doesn't matter." _I will not give in. I will not waver._ My chant was losing its effectiveness through days of constant overuse.

"Dang it. And I really wanted. . . Oh, well."

_You. Did. Not. Just. Say. That_. My mind screamed.

She knew very well how much I craved the opportunity to give her something, anything. It was a privilege she bestowed on others, but not on me, her husband. And now? She wanted something and it felt too cruel to deny her without hearing what it was, even if I knew that it was an impossible request.

"All right. What is it you want?" My soul groaned, knowing what answer I would be forced to give.

"Well I was thinking. . . I know the whole Dartmouth thing was just supposed to be a cover story, but honestly, one semester of college probably wouldn't kill me. Charlie would get a thrill out of the Dartmouth stories, I bet. Sure, it might be embarrassing if I can't keep up with all the brainiacs. Still. . . eighteen, nineteen. It's really not such a big difference. It's not like I'm going to get crow's feet in the next year." She shrugged her shoulders as she repeated my own words back to me. Words I had argued to convince her of the folly of discarding her humanity so quickly.

I was in shock. This was the furthest thing from my thoughts. Dartmouth? But then that meant. . .

"You would wait. You would stay human." My voice was void of all emotion or inflection.

Once, those words would have brought me relief and joy. This was what I wanted, wasn't it? For Bella to live a normal human life, as she would have before my unnatural existence threw her world into chaos. She shifted the tiniest amount in my arms and my body reacted, as any man's would.

I restrained that reaction with a rush of sudden anger. I had been counting the days, living every moment in an agony of barely controlled desire. And now? Days would become months. Or years.

Where were my selfless thoughts now? I was furious.

"Why are you doing this to me? Isn't it hard enough without all of this?" I brushed my hand across the lace that was gathered on her hips, indicating the seductive ensemble. I almost tore it from her body in my frustration.

_I will not give in. I will not waver._

No. Nothing had changed. She didn't really want to go to college. She was just trying a new tactic since her other attempts at seduction had failed.

"It doesn't matter. I won't make any deals with you."

"I want to go to college," she pressed.

"No, you don't," I retorted. _Or at least, if you do, it's because you don't think I'm strong enough to resist your advances. As if I would risk hurting you again to take my pleasure? I have waited for decades, a few years is nothing!_

I wasn't entirely convinced, but it was the truth. I just had to force my eager body to acknowledge it.

"And there is nothing that is worth risking your life again. That's worth hurting you," I finished out loud.

"But I do want to go. Well, it's not college as much as it's that I want—I want to be human a little while longer."

Another example of the changeable nature of humans. Bella had executed an abrupt about face. Now that she was agreeing with _my_ arguments, would I have the strength to support her while still keeping my word? The pit of my belly throbbed in response. I squeezed my eyes closed and exhaled through my nose, willing her scent to leave me so that I could think more clearly.

"You are making me insane, Bella. Haven't we had this argument a million times, you always begging to be a vampire without delay?" _And me, always urging you to wait. Until now, that is._

"Yes, but. . . well, I have a reason to be human that I didn't have before."

"What's that?" Did I really have to ask? The non-existent nightgown was communicating her feelings pretty effectively.

"Guess." Bella pulled herself up to kiss me. I wanted to drown in the sensation of her lips, soft and pliable against mine. They tempted me with their smooth wetness. I pushed her away gently, unable to stand the temptation of her delectable kisses.

I cradled her against my chest. She wanted me to say it out loud? _You want to have sex. As a human. Risking your life for the gratification of the flesh._

"You are so human, Bella. Ruled by your hormones."

"That's the whole point, Edward. I like this part of being human." She stared me in the eyes, trying to convey how important this was to her. The obvious lethargy that shadowed her expressions and movements gave me hope that I would be able to end this argument swiftly.

"I don't want to give it up yet. I don't want to wait through years of being a blood-crazed newborn for some part of this to come back to me." The yawn that had been building finally won. I smiled as she struggled to suppress it and failed.

"You're tired. Sleep, love." I began humming the lullaby that I composed for her, almost two years ago. It never failed to soothe her.

"I wonder why I'm so tired. That couldn't be part of your scheme or anything." Her lower lip pushed forward in a petulant frown. I chuckled. I wasn't going to deny it. I continued the lullaby, urging her to relax and sleep.

"For as tired as I've been, you'd think I'd sleep better." Really? I'd never seen her sleep so deeply for so long!

"You've been sleeping like the dead, Bella. You haven't said a word in your sleep since we got here. If it weren't for your snoring, I'd worry you were slipping into a coma," I teased.

"I haven't been tossing? That's weird. Usually I'm all over the bed when I'm having nightmares. And shouting."

This alarmed me. I hated to see Bella in any kind of pain. The menace of her own imagination was not something I could fight. There was no enemy for me to confront. I felt helpless.

"You've been having nightmares?"

"Vivid ones. They make me so tired." She yawned again, as if to emphasize this point. "I can't believe I haven't been babbling about them all night."

"What are they about?"

"Different things—but the same, you know, because of the colors."

"Colors?" Human dreams were normally darker and out of focus. Similar to human memories when compared to a vampire's.

"It's all so bright and real. Usually, when I'm dreaming, I know that I am. With these, I don't know I'm asleep. It makes them scarier."

I wanted to reassure her. There was no longer anything to be frightened of. Although, with the dangers she had faced over the last two years, I was not surprised that some fears were resurfacing now. She had always handled the stress too well. Perhaps the suppressed emotions were finally trying to free themselves. She should face them head-on. I would battle the specters of the past for her, with her.

"What is frightening you?"

"Mostly. . ." she hesitated. Her shoulders shook minutely.

"Mostly?" My protective nature was impatient to know what it was she faced, alone in her human dreams.

"The Volturi." Her voice was a whisper. The carefully restrained horror on her face told me more than anything else. I had not seen her this. . . distressed. . . since we fought Victoria. The threat of their return and their insistence that she be changed soon was disturbing her sleep unnecessarily.

"They aren't going to bother us any more. You'll be immortal soon, and they'll have no reason." I hugged her tighter. I wanted her to see that with me by her side, she had no need to fear anything! "What can I do to help?"

"They're just dreams, Edward." She was so noble. Trying to be strong so as not to hurt me with her pain. My heart swelled with love for my brave, stubborn girl.

Fine_._ If she wouldn't speak with me about her dreams, at least I could help keep them at bay.

"Do you want me to sing to you? I'll sing all night if it will keep the bad dreams away."

"They're not all bad." She was trying to reassure me. "Some are nice. So. . . colorful. Underwater, with the fish and the coral. It all seems like it's really happening—I don't know that I'm dreaming. Maybe this island is the problem. It's really bright here."

I didn't realize that Bella was unhappy here. She would never want to offend me by asking to cut our stay short. "Do you want to go home?"

"No. No, not yet. Can't we stay a while longer?" I tried not to think about how little she would be wearing a week from now. With the current trend. . . I wrapped my thoughts back in on themselves.

"We can stay as long as you want, Bella." I promised. Although I was going to need a new talisman to keep my 'dreams' at bay. My mantra was worn out completely.

"When does the semester start? I wasn't paying attention before." I sighed. She relaxed in my embrace as I began her lullaby anew.

I had seen a book on the shelf earlier, about the development of anti-venoms using the venom of snakes. I forced my mind down a different path of meditation. With this book in his collection, was Carlisle researching the possibility of a cure for vampirism? An anti-venom for the undead? It was a stimulating topic for my mind to explore and I did so wholeheartedly. Anything to keep my mind from the feel of my Bella lying in my arms.

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><p><em>Thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorited, followed and rec'd this story. This one is still close to my heart and I'm so glad you're enjoying it! -Maggie<em>


	6. Giving In

All characters and plot developments belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**This chapter corresponds to the second part of Breaking Dawn Book 1 Chapter 6 - _Distractions_**

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><p>The night advanced slowly. I had exhausted my attempts at diverting my thoughts, and now I was struggling to smother the persistent flames of desire that were flickering within me. I applied consistent pressure to the powerful urges, but I could feel myself losing ground. A glance at the clock showed me I was still hours away from a reprieve from this torture.<p>

Bella stiffened in my arms with a gasp. "Bella? Are you all right, sweetheart?" I tightened my arms around her, willing away the nightmare that had woken her.

"Oh!" Tears were coursing down her face. Her gasp was laden with anguish so intense I wanted to cry with her.

"Bella! What's wrong?" I tried to wipe away the tears, but more sprang forth. What had she seen that would cause this reaction? My imagination was running away from me. The Volturi attacking, fighting our family, kidnapping Bella. . . I choked down my own panic.

"It was only a dream," she spoke in a strangled voice. Her sob belied the truth. Her face was etched with grief and loss.

"It's okay, love, you're fine. I'm here. Did you have another nightmare? It wasn't real, it wasn't real." I rocked her in my arms, like a parent comforting a child. She felt so fragile in my arms. I couldn't fully control my emotions. It went against the grain to be so passive when something was hurting her. I wanted to fight it!

"Not a nightmare. It was a good dream." She shook her head, rubbing the tears away. Her voice broke with some unnamed emotion.

"Then why are you crying?" I stopped rocking her, bewildered. Without seeing inside her mind, I relied on voice, body language, facial expressions. How did her reaction point to anything but a terrible nightmare?

"Because I woke up!" she cried out. Her arms were tight around my neck as she shook with bone-wracking sobs. Her tears scalded my neck and chest. A good dream? She wasn't scared or hurt? Then why the intense pain? Why did she look so lost and despairing?

"Everything's all right, Bella. Take deep breaths." I altered my voice to be smooth and comforting. I stemmed my own anxiety, waiting for her to calm down.

"It was so real. I wanted it to be real." She wailed, sounding for all the world like a person who had lost their love in a tragic accident.

"Tell me about it. Maybe that will help." At least then I wouldn't be in the dark. At least then I could understand!

"We were on the beach. . ." her voice trailed off. Her eyes were red as her tear-stained face searched mine. The pain receded, but was replaced with a look of indecision.

"And?" I needed her to continue, to explain her confusing behavior.

"Oh, Edward. . ." Another tear rolled down her face. The desolation in her voice cut me like a thousand knives.

"Tell me, Bella." I was feeling desperate and helpless and confused.

She shook her head, as if fighting a decision inside her mind. Then, her arms were around my neck again. Her lips pressed against mine with a feverish need that matched my own. Our irrepressible passion for one another clashed like cymbals inside my mind. My body was ready to be with her, right now.

All of my arguments were slipping away, and I clung to the image of her battered body. It had saved me before. My entire being recoiled from the pain I was sure to cause her.

I grasped her shoulders, struggling with her need and my own, but anxious not to hurt her in any way.

"No, Bella." I had never seen her so frantic, so out of control. As I watched, her face crumpled. New tears, heavier than before, streamed down her face and she sobbed in defeat.

"I'm s-s-s-orry." So fragile, so lost, so. . . My heart constricted.

I pulled her against my chest, moaning in my own torment. "I can't, Bella, I can't!"

"Please," her voice was muffled against my chest. I fought back against the guilt and longing that were dragging me under.

"Please, Edward?" The voice of an angel, beseeching me. Her trembling body awoke in me every tender thought I had ever held for her. The pleading words, so like the first time she had begged me to make love with her. The night she had agreed to marry me. I had never been so happy or felt so complete.

And now? Could I deny her the one thing she had ever asked for? The only gift she had ever wanted from me?

I had conquered the demon within me, but I could not fight my desire and hers. My surrender had been inevitable from the moment I saw her tears. I could not refuse my Bella.

And I knew I didn't want to.

With a helpless groan, I brought Bella's tremulous lips back to mine, kissing her with the force of my bottomless longing. Her mouth was like a succulent rose, with petals of velvet and an enticing aroma.

Bella shifted in my embrace, stretching her full length against me, intertwining our legs with aggressive abandon. I grasped her face with both my hands, drawing up her chin so that I could taste the sweetness of her neck. Her blood pulsed beneath my lips and tongue, enveloping me with the heady scent.

Memories of our first disastrous union flashed through my head.

I could not think of that now. Not with her fingers clutching at my shirt, and her negligee riding up over her hips.

Unlike before, when Bella had remained somewhat passive and receptive to my attentions, she was returning my strokes and caresses with touches of her own. Her hands were under my shirt, rubbing over my back and around my shoulders.

A glowing light seemed to hum around us, illuminating the bed in the otherwise dark room. I tore my shirt off and threw in into the shadows.

Bella's eyes shone at me and her face was dazzling. I marveled again at her lustrous hair, flowing like a dark cloud around her face. Wide brown eyes gazed expectantly out of her heart-shaped face.

"Is this really what you want?" I murmured between kisses.

"Oh, Edward! I've been so desperate all week, afraid that we would never. . . that I would never feel. . ." Tears sprang into her eyes again.

With a mortified sigh I kissed them away. I whispered reassurance, professed my love and passion for her. I swore that I would never abandon her like that again. She nodded to acknowledge my words, but she was still choking on the tears. With a strangled sound, her lips locked onto mine with a newfound power.

When we first gave ourselves to one another, there had been a hesitation born of fear and nervousness. Tonight, we delayed the inevitable because our passion burned too brightly.

Our days of abstinence had intensified our needs. We both lived out every imagined touch and motion from the preceding days, ranging across one another's bodies with hands and mouths, gasping and returning a particularly stimulating touch. Her confidence astounded me as she stroked and kissed my chest and stomach with cool self-assurance.

I didn't think there could be anything sexier than the way Bella had received me before. But now? Her attitude, her womanly seduction, was driving me insane. My senses were boiling, over loaded, over stimulated, overwhelmed with the crushing force of my desire.

The passion in me was taking over. The need to lose control warred with my determination to restrain myself from any action that would harm Bella. I tried to pull away, afraid of the potential disaster that loomed before me, but Bella pursued me until I was backed against the headboard, trapped.

I felt the flood overtake me and I fought against the urge to react. My fingers burrowed into the mattress as I wrestled with the power coursing through me.

In a desperate gesture, I reached up and dug my fingers deep into the headboard. I focused on the molten core of my being and channeled the exploding passion out of my stomach, along my rigid arm, and into the wood of the bed frame. My fingers tore through the wood, showering us with chunks and splinters.

Several minutes later, my breathing was still hoarse with spent emotion as I gathered her in my arms. This was more, so much more than my highest hopes could have foretold. Bella. Warm and safe and satisfied. She melted into my embrace as we drifted on the exhilarating paths of our passion for each other.

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><p>This was one night when the minutes did not torture me. I just held Bella in my arms and breathed. Breathed in the smell of her strawberry scented hair. Inhaled the fiery scent of her blood. Reveled in the sweet aftermath of love completed. The euphoric high did not fade. If anything, it continued to grow as Bella lay sleeping with her head resting on my shoulder.<p>

Tonight had been so. . . so perfect! Bella had awoken in tears, but after what we shared, she slept peacefully with a seraphic smile upon her lips. I would willingly forego every other activity or diversion for the rest of eternity, just to make her smile.

For the first time ever, I was frustrated by Bella's human needs. I had no requirements for sleep, food, water, or even air. Between vampires, the pleasure of your partner could be, quite literally, your only focus for days at a time, without interruption. I groaned and tried to redirect my thoughts.

I would have to keep a stranglehold on my body. As long as Bella was a frail human, I would never fully release control. Knowing Bella, I did not doubt that there would be a 'next time.' She had been unyieldingly persistent all week. With my recent lapse of control, she was definitely not going to give up on future entanglements. The promise of that forthcoming moment left a smile glued to my lips, long after the light of dawn brightened the eastern sky.

It was late morning before I sensed Bella returning to consciousness.

I was lying with my hands clasped behind my head. As I stared at the ceiling, I felt the subtle change in her heartbeat and a tiny hitch in her otherwise steady breathing. Minutes passed. . . What was she thinking? In the light of day, did she feel differently about things now?

She had never explained her dream, or the emotional breakdown that followed. I was still baffled by the collapse of her normally calm demeanor. What had she dreamed about that elicited such a dramatic reaction?

Bella's eyes opened partway. She examined my expression from beneath the veil of her lashes, then propped herself up her elbows to fix me with a pensive stare.

"How much trouble am I in?" Her voice was small and timid.

I immediately felt guilty that she was expecting reprisals from me, her husband. She was afraid of my anger. I had been such a tyrant! Insisting that I knew better. That my fears should rule our relationship. The audacity and pure folly of my actions over the last week burned deep in my stomach. With Bella feeling so anxious, a humorous response was the most likely way to put her at ease swiftly. And, incidentally, stem the rising tide of guilt within me.

"Heaps." My tone was cold, but my eyes flicked over to meet hers. I smirked to let her know I was only joking. She breathed a small sigh of relief.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean. . . Well, I don't know exactly what that was last night." She was shaking her head slowly from side to side. Shadows of bewilderment and pain flickered across her features.

"You never did tell me what your dream was about." I hoped to draw Bella out in conversation. I was determined to solve this particular riddle. Her answering blush was more descriptive than her words.

"I guess I never did—but I sort of showed you what it was about."

She fantasized about me? About us, together? I blinked.

"Oh. Interesting." This was a shocking revelation for me.

Less than two years ago, Bella had confessed to never having felt physical or emotional attraction to another person. I had been so. . . relieved to learn of her virginity. The purity of her mind and soul were further magnified by the innocence of her body. Rather than being disturbed that I had been the catalyst for such a transformation, I was deeply satisfied. Some primal instinct within me, held over from my few short years as a human, thrilled at the knowledge that Bella was mine, and only mine, in every way that mattered.

"It was a very good dream," she murmured. I was still lost in thought. _A very good dream, indeed_. "Am I forgiven?" The humble tone brought me back to the present.

"I'm thinking about it." _And many other things._ She said that we were on the beach. . . Perhaps I could help make this dream a reality?

Bella began to sit up, but swayed violently and flopped back against the pillows. "Whoa. . . head rush."

I wrapped my arms around her, immediately concerned, but trying not to stifle her if she needed air.

"You slept for a long time. Twelve hours." It seemed like a reasonable explanation for the brief bout of dizziness. I was sure she was hungry or even dehydrated.

"Twelve?" She was bewildered.

She _had_ expended more than the usual amount of. . . energy. . . last night. I watched as she furtively assessed her body and glanced rapidly around the bedroom. She stretched her arms and legs, gingerly at first, but then with more enthusiasm.

"Is the inventory complete?" Did she really think I couldn't figure out what she was doing? One didn't need to read minds to understand her sheepish behavior.

"The pillows all appear to have survived." She nodded twice. The barest hint of a blush tinged her cheeks a warm rose.

I couldn't resist. I loved to tease her, always waiting to see if she would respond with a darker blush, a swift retort or even biting sarcasm. Bella's quick wit was one of her most fascinating traits. It illustrated her intelligence and strength of character, even when mortified with embarrassment.

"Unfortunately, I can't say the same for your, er, nightgown." I nodded in the direction of our feet, where several pitiful scraps of lace were all that remained of Bella's sexy lingerie.

"That's too bad, I liked that one." How could I disagree?

"I did, too." If Alice had foreseen last night (And I wasn't sure that she had not. The little manipulator!) she couldn't have made a more. . . Hmmm. . . 'appropriate' was definitely the wrong word, but I was at a loss for words right now. I was remembering the sight of Bella stepping into our bedroom again. I shifted uncomfortably and concentrated on Bella's words.

"Were there any other casualties?" Her voice hesitated before the word 'casualties'. I immediately thought of the pillows. And the headboard.

"I'll have to buy Esme a new bed frame," I confessed unwillingly.

She followed my gaze as I looked over my shoulder at the mangled headboard. My fingers had crushed and clawed through three inches of solid koa wood.

"Hmm. You'd think I would have heard that." There was a small crease between her eyebrows as she took in the destroyed furniture.

"You seem to be extraordinarily unobservant when your attention in otherwise involved." Ahhh, yes. There was that brilliant blush. The warmth of her blood radiated from her crimson cheeks.

"I was a bit absorbed," she muttered.

"I'm really going to miss that," I sighed, brushing her face gently with my fingertips. Electricity ran through my fingers, down my arm, and exploded in my core. I was lost in her eyes, searching for nothing, just content to drink in their warmth.

"How are you feeling?" she asked suspiciously. I laughed at her funny expression. "What?" She demanded an explanation for my high spirits.

"You look so guilty—like you've committed a crime." In reality, she looked more like the cat who had gotten into the larder and was confronted by the cook with cream still coating her whiskers.

"I feel guilty."

"So you seduced your all-too-willing husband. That's not a capital offense." Her cheeks were aflame with embarrassment now.

"The word 'seduced' implies a certain amount of premeditation." She was starting to sound defensive. Perhaps I had pushed a little too hard?

"Maybe that was the wrong word," I admitted. Her face was regaining its normal color as she looked at me. The hesitation in her tone returned.

"You're not angry?"

"I'm not angry." I smiled contritely.

I regretted the words and actions that had made her fear my wrath. I would have said more. So much more. But how could I describe what I was feeling? The tremendous high that I floated on was not something I could describe with mere words.

"Why not?"

"Well. . . I didn't hurt you, for one thing. It was easier this time, to control myself, to channel the excesses. Maybe because I had a better idea of what to expect." My eyes darted to the ruined headboard and back to her face. A new emotion was transforming her features into a beatific expression. Relief? Hope?

"I told you that it was all about practice."

_Yes, you told me so._ Being wrong was very. . .satisfying. If only being wrong were always this incredible! I rolled my eyes as she gloated. Her stomach growled, ruining the moment for her. I chuckled at her sheepish look.

"Breakfast time for the human?" I queried innocently.

"Please." She hopped out of bed too quickly and stumbled as her feet met the floor. I was out of bed in an instant and caught her before she could fall, ensuring she was truly steady on her feet before relinquishing control.

"Are you all right?"

"If I don't have a better sense of equilibrium in my next life, I'm demanding a refund."

No, no refunds. However, I knew she was in for a pleasant surprise. How thrilling it was going to be to run, hunt, and fly through the trees with her at my side!

Bella slipped into a kimono-like silk robe, walked quickly to the kitchen and grabbed the frying pan. I snatched up the closest clothes, a pair of brown cotton pants and a creamy button down shirt. I didn't bother with the buttons, enjoying the feel of the hot, humid air washing over my skin.

I watched as she cooked her own food for the first time since our arrival. As deftly as I handled myself in the kitchen, it was only an illusion. I enjoyed cooking for Bella, but cooking itself held no pleasure for me.

Bella moved with purposeful self-assurance as she prepared meals. I didn't think I could ever use the word 'silly' to describe her again. There were too many subtle changes in her since we arrived on Isle Esme. I was growing increasingly attracted to confident Bella.

I was surprised when she impatiently slid her eggs onto a plate and grabbed a fork after only a couple minutes.

"Since when do you eat eggs sunny-side up?"

"Since now." She was already scooping a forkful of food to her mouth.

"Do you know how many eggs you've gone through in the last week?" I pulled the trash bin out from under the sink to show her. It was full of empty cartons.

"Weird. This place is messing with my appetite. But I like it here. We'll probably have to leave soon, though, won't we, to make it to Dartmouth in time? Wow, I guess we need to find a place to live and stuff, too." She was rambling, but stopped long enough to take another steaming bite.

She was thinking about our conversation last night. Obviously she was interpreting our spontaneous lovemaking as my agreement to her proposed 'deal'. As much as I loved the idea of her remaining human, (my earlier hesitation had been washed away last night) I could not allow her to go to Dartmouth under the assumption that she owed me anything. The thought of such a bargain tainted my blissful memories with guilt and shame.

She was not indebted to me. Not like that.

I sat down next to her and spoke with a conciliatory tone. "You can give up the college pretense now—you've gotten what you wanted. And we didn't agree to a deal, so there are no strings attached."

She snorted, a very unladylike sound, but cute for all of its crass derision. "It wasn't a pretense, Edward. I don't spend my free time plotting like some people do. _What can we do to wear Bella out today?_"

I chuckled without shame at her poor imitation of my voice, plotting and scheming.

"I really do want a little more time being human. I have not had enough." She leaned towards me and her voice lowered to a seductive purr as she ran her fingers across my bare chest. The smoldering fire within me burst into fresh flames and I eyed her skeptically.

"For this?" I caught her hand as it crept down my stomach. The fire was growing to the point of discomfort. If she persisted I knew it would not be easy to distract her, and the cleaning crew was due very soon. I rolled my eyes at her and quipped sarcastically, "Sex was the key all along? Why didn't I think of that? I could have saved myself a lot of arguments."

"Yeah, probably," she agreed with a laugh.

"You are so human." My jibe was more affectionate than mocking.

"I know." Hmm. Smug. Not a normal Bella reaction. She was sure about this—staying human, going to college. My spirit was soaring as the next several months played out before me like one of Alice's visions. I felt my lips turn up in anticipation.

"We're going to Dartmouth? Really?" My voice rang with excitement.

"I'll probably fail out in one semester," she cautioned me.

I smirked in response to her suddenly downcast expression. _Not very likely!_

"I'll tutor you. You're going to love college." My smile grew into an enthusiastic grin.

"Do you think we can find an apartment this late?"

Oh. Time for a confession.

"Well, we sort of already have a house there. You know, just in case." I hadn't been able to bring myself to leave Bella to go house hunting, but Alice and Jasper had made the trip and found a beautiful, secluded, Victorian-style house.

I was sure that Bella would be overwhelmed, at first. But the brick façade, elegant white columns and private, partially wooded lot would capture her heart just as surely as it had mine.

When Alice had 'shown' me each of the homes, I knew right away that it was perfect. Alice had bounced and clapped her hands. "Oh, I knew it! Can I please, please, please handle the renovation and interior design? Oh, Edward! It's going to be so perfect!"

I had cautioned her that it would most likely never be used. However, she stubbornly insisted that we needed to be prepared for every eventuality, since her visions were known to change when new decisions were made.

How had she known that this would be one of those cases? On subsequent trips, Alice coordinated and supervised a complete basement-to-rafters remodel. There was even an antique grand piano, waiting for me to try out my latest composition.

"You bought a house?" Bella was still uncomfortable with my family's attitude about money.

"Real estate is a good investment." I downplayed the expense involved. What she didn't know. . .

She raised an eyebrow, but didn't pursue the subject any further. "So, we're ready then." When had she decided to take my eccentricities so lightly? Of course, she did not respond so favorably to _all _of my expenditures. . .

"I'll have to see if we can keep your 'before' car for a little longer. . ." I watched for her reaction.

"Yes, heaven forbid I not be protected from tanks."

I grinned at her scornful tone. So somebody had told her—I knew she hadn't been reading automotive magazines. That was a stretch, even for Bella's newfound flexibility of character. So the Guardian, as distasteful as she pretended it to be, was something she understood. Excessive on my part, perhaps, but she had evidently resigned herself to my attempts at protection.

"How much longer can we stay?"

"We're fine on time. A few more weeks, if you want. And then we can visit Charlie before we go to New Hampshire. We could spend Christmas with Renee. . ." I was seeing a future that I had not dared to imagine, before now. Bella did not have to abandon her human ties. She did not have to burn bridges or experience the loss of her loved ones quite yet.

I heard a distant hum, but it was growing louder every second. A motorboat was approaching the island.

"A few weeks." Bella pondered that for a moment. "So I was thinking—you know what I was saying about practice before?" The suggestive tone was back, making my body tense up all over again.

"Can you hold on to that thought? I hear a boat. The cleaning crew must be here. Let me explain the mess in the white room to Gustavo, and then we can go out. There's a place in the jungle on the south. . ." With the cleaning crew here, maybe I could take Bella to that rocky peak. The view looking down on the crystal clear ocean would be breathtaking during the daytime. Bella would love to see a bird's-eye view of the reefs, which she had snorkeled over and around.

"I don't want to go out. I am not hiking all over the island today. I want to stay here and watch a movie." How could I deny her when she pushed out her lower lip in a pout and scowled at me like that? I refrained from laughing, sure that that would just make her angry.

"All right, whatever you'd like. Why don't you pick one out while I get the door?" Two human heartbeats were quite close, and there was the soft whispering sound of feet shuffling along the sandy path. One tread was heavier than the other.

I was automatically translating Portuguese to English as I picked up on the first human thoughts I had heard in a week.

_Newlyweds. I wish I could have given my wife something so incredible for our honeymoon. Young love. . . so hopeful and beautiful. . . _The wistful thoughts of romance were at odds with the gruff tone of his mental voice.

_I really hope this doesn't take long. . . With Rosa sick and the baby crawling all over, I don't know how I'm going to keep up! But the wages. . . yes, they are good. These rich Americans! I wish I could resent their frivolous lifestyles, but we need the money. We need it so badly! _

Stress and worry colored the woman's thoughts, but her resolute attitude indicated a life of hard work and determination. She did not shy away from challenges, this one.

As two sets of feet sounded on the wooden steps, I could see images of her loved ones flashing through her mind. Her maternal instincts were stronger than most, making her the champion, protector, and nurturer of a veritable gaggle of children, grandchildren and younger relatives.

"I didn't hear a knock," Bella pointed out. I cocked my head toward the front of the house and was rewarded by a faint tapping at the door. I turned on my heel with a grin, while she shook her head and wandered over to the shelves that held Carlisle and Esme's DVD collection.

I opened the door with a slight bow and words of welcome, spoken in clear Portuguese. I was glad for the recessed porch. My skin only glowed subtly in the reflected light. Bella's idea of a movie was the perfect excuse to stay inside. I could not risk being exposed by the sun.

The man, Gustavo, had a stocky build. Deep lines crisscrossed his weathered face, dark from his heritage and decades of laboring under the brilliant tropical sun. He smiled and responded to my welcome with a heavy, gravelly voice.

The other person, a slight woman who could have been anywhere from 45-60 years old, was observing me suspiciously. Her eyes narrowed and I saw myself through her mind. My bronze hair was tousled and uncombed. My eyes were dark amber, rimmed with a thick black ring. My skin, so white compared to theirs, gleamed dully even in the shade. She saw me as beautiful. . . but terrifying. Multiple images flashed through her mind. Primitive drawings of stunning but horrific creatures. Fangs sinking into the tender throat of a young Indian woman.

_Libishomen. . ._ the word hissed through her mind.

My mind echoed hers with the European derivative. _Incubus._

This was not the first time that somebody had seen one of us and questioned their eyes. Many observed enough for true suspicions to form. Kaure was obviously part of a culture that still held onto the old stories. She was part Ticuna Indian.

Like the Quileute Indians of the Olympic Peninsula, the Ticuna tribe must have had some encounter with a vampire far back in their history. Legends were passed down through the generations, a perpetual warning to remind them of the evil that inhabited even their primitive world.

My face was a mask of pleasant welcome, but I knew I would be monitoring every thought that flitted through her active mind.

Already, she had recovered her bearing, mentally chastising herself for her impolite reaction. She did not entirely believe in the stories, but the doubt was strong in her. She instinctively knew that I was something. . . _other._

Gustavo and Kaure followed me into the house and I quickly rattled off the list of things that would need to be attended to. Gustavo replied that they had the items from my grocery list in the icebox in the boat and would be bringing them up to the house after they had finished cleaning. We were walking through the house as I pointed out the tasks for each room.

Then, we entered the main room. Bella, her hair tumbling over her silk-clad shoulders, turned to greet us. Her face was tinged with pink, and my chest swelled with masculine pride at her stunning beauty.

I introduced my beloved bride. Gustavo smiled at her, remembering his own wife as a young lady. Love, almost worshipful in its strength, made the memory glow.

Kaure, on the other hand, recoiled in shock. The image of a fragile figure, broken and drained of blood in the arms of a white-skinned monster, was planted boldly in her mind. Several other nightmarish pictures raced through her mind; dark and forbidding, with a sinister aura.

I saw Bella's eyes lock on her frightened face and I motioned for the two Brazilians to follow me. I knew from experience that a reaction like hers was best treated with casual disregard. Reason and logic would quickly bury the suspicions. Human beings were too afraid of death to really want to believe in creatures like me. It was easier on the mind to brush the evidence away like annoying insects. The truth was too horrific.

I breezed past the blue bedroom, past the bathroom, and stopped in the larger bedroom. I did not look at Kaure, whose eyes were downcast as her thoughts whirred. Instead, I addressed Gustavo directly, forming an apologetic but sketchy explanation for the feathery mess.

He grinned at me with a knowing look and a shrug. I was mortified by the admiration in his thoughts. In that instant, he reminded me of Emmett.

With a slight inclination of my head, I left them to their work and rejoined Bella by the television. I wrapped her in my arms, feeling starved from being away from her side for even those few short minutes.

"What's with her?" Bella's urgent tone betrayed her concern for the small woman.

I shrugged. "Kaure's part Ticuna Indian. She was raised to be more superstitious—or you could call it more aware—than those who live in the modern world. She suspects what I am, or close enough. They have their own legends here. The Libishomen—a blood-drinking demon who preys exclusively on beautiful women." I ran my eyes suggestively over her face and body.

"She looks terrified." She was not mollified by my cavalier attitude.

"She is—but mostly she's worried about you."

"Me?" The pitch of her voice rose dramatically.

"She's afraid of why I have you here, all alone." My laughter had a dark edge to it. The image of the vampire with his broken victim was fresh in my mind.

Alice had once had a vision. . . I brushed off the remembered pain and dragged my attention back to the present. "Oh well, why don't you choose something for us to watch? That's an acceptably human thing to do."

"Yes, I'm sure a movie will convince her that you're human." She laughed as she rose up on her toes to wrap her arms around my neck.

I leaned down to meet her kiss, but then lifted her in my arms. I forgot the presence of our guests, drinking in her sweet kisses. The tortuous burning in my throat and lungs was nothing compared to the aching fire in my stomach.

"Movie, schmovie," Bella muttered as I released her lips. My mouth traveled over her jaw, down her throat, tasting and savoring her exquisite flavor. Bella's fingers were twisting through my tangled hair and I pressed her body closer to mine as I nuzzled her neck.

A sharp gasp hit my ears at the same moment that terrified visions of a demonic assault raced through Kaure's mind.

I put Bella down suddenly, whirling to meet the startled gaze of the petrified woman. Kaure stood with feathers in her hair and a bag clutched to her chest. Her eyes darted back and forth between my face and Bella's, noting her dismayed expression and pink-tinged cheeks.

Several of her earlier thoughts lingered, particularly the image of an Indian girl, unnaturally swollen with pregnancy, screaming out in terror and pain. The picture had the feel of an old, childhood nightmare, not a true memory, but it was still very disturbing. No vampire, even the legendary incubus, had ever fathered children. If they did, it would have surely been a monster more horrible than its sadistic father. I could only imagine the hideous hybrid that would result from mixing vampire and human DNA.

"I'm so sorry," she murmured when she regained control of her senses. Her thoughts were a whirlwind. It seemed that the sounder judgment of today's modern world was gradually winning, helped along by her humiliation.

I used my most non-threatening voice as I smiled at her. "Not at all, we should be more respectful of your feelings. I'm afraid we are still a little lovestruck."

I feigned embarrassment. Let her think I was just self-conscious about being caught being intimate with my wife. She accepted my apologetic explanation with downcast eyes and continued swiftly from the house.

"She was thinking what I think she was thinking, wasn't she?" Bella muttered, both annoyed and suspicious of the woman's reaction.

"Yes," I smirked. Despite the stress of the situation, Bella's tangled sentence was so comical.

"Here, put this on and we can pretend to watch it." Bella thrust a DVD at me. It was an old musical, one I vaguely remembered from the early '40's. She was too intimidated by the expensive entertainment equipment to even attempt to operate it.

"Very honeymoonish." I nodded.

I opened the case, inserted the disc and pressed play. As I reclined on the sofa and Bella lay against me, I almost decided that the house didn't really need to be cleaned. They could leave the groceries in the kitchen and go. I was sure Bella and I could handle anything that was pressing.

My hair, my clothes, everything around me was saturated with her luscious scent. I made a conscious effort to pay attention to the film, but it was just a black and white blur on the large screen. The cheery soundtrack and vivacious voices were muted by the sound of Bella's blood rushing through her veins, setting my nerves alight.

"Will we move back into the white room now?" Her voice broke through my reverie.

I imagined her tiny figure, waiting for me on that big expanse of white silk. _Her long brown hair, sun-kissed skin, and the rosy flush of her cheeks were the only colors in the sea of white. She was dressed in the same simple creamy gown with the braided silk straps that I had agonized over for hours during our second night here. Her mouth opened to release a sigh of anticipation as I approached the enormous bed. A lover's stage. . ._

She was waiting for my response.

"I don't know. . . I've already mangled the headboard in the other room beyond repair—maybe if we limit the destruction to one area of the house, Esme might invite us back someday."

"So there will be more destruction?" Her mouth stretched into a wide grin of satisfaction.

I laughed at her greedy expression. "I think it might be safer if it's premeditated, rather than if I wait for you to assault me again."

"It would only be a matter of time." She responded with an off-handed tone, but her racing heart was drumming a staccato beat against my arm.

"Is there something the matter with your heart?" This was not a healthy heart rate. Even for a human as young as Bella. My amusement was tinged with true concern.

"Nope. Healthy as a horse. Did you want to go survey the demolition zone now?"

From destruction to complete demolition. Oh, how her imagination traveled.

Of course. . .

"Maybe it would be more polite to wait until we're alone. You may not notice me tearing the furniture apart, but it would probably scare them."

I was listening to Gustavo, humming under his breath as he dusted and wiped down the furniture. Kaure was in the bathroom, scrubbing the tile vigorously. She was determined to focus on the task at hand.

"Right. Drat." Bitter disappointment.

_Patience, my Bella. Your eagerness cannot be as great as mine._ The minutes crept by slowly. I shifted my legs, trying to avoid jostling Bella. Her breathing was regular and her eyelids drooped. Gustavo's heavy steps approached and I sat up to speak with him.

"We are all finished, sir. Will you be requiring our services again next week?" Bella was startled by his gruff voice, and I cradled her in my arms, calmly stroking her smooth hair.

"Yes, yes. We will be staying for a while longer. I will notify you of our exact departure date, but meanwhile, we would appreciate your services again next week." Gustavo nodded agreement to my request and Kaure followed him silently to the door.

"They're finished." I told Bella. She immediately perked up.

"So that would mean that we're alone now?" Her eyes were bright and her succulent lips curved into an expectant smile.

My stomach lurched in response. _So tempting_. . . but it had been hours since Bella's meager breakfast. I subjugated my desires to her needs. "How about lunch first?"

Her teeth dragged across her lower lip, leaving twin trails of redness. I wanted to lean in and caress her lips with my own, trace them with my tongue. _Soon_, I reminded myself. Bella's hesitation was a clear indication that she was famished, but considering neglecting one hunger to feed another. With a smile, I grasped her hand and led her to the kitchen.

* * *

><p>"This is getting out of hand." Bella glared at her now empty plate.<p>

Despite the last week, I was still impressed by the quantity of food that disappeared into her tiny frame. Of course, she had more muscle mass than before. But the increasing curve of her hips and gently swelling breasts were caused by more than just extra outdoor activity. I drank in her curves, loving the play of shadows and light across her silk robe. But perhaps, being a woman, she was self-conscious of these changes in her body.

"Do you want to swim with the dolphins this afternoon—burn off the calories?" I suggested mildly.

"Maybe later. I had another idea for burning calories."

_Really? Is it the same as mine?_

"And what was that?" I asked innocently. I wanted to hear how she would propose her 'idea'.

"Well, there's an awful lot of headboard left—"

That did it. I had no more desire to swim than she did. I swept her into my arms and silenced her with my eager lips, dropping all pretenses of humanity as I flew to the bedroom.

And the destruction began anew. . .

Our relationship was transforming before my eyes; evolving into something more beautiful, more perfect and more complete than anything I could have imagined. It was as if all of the fear, pain, guilt and loss I had experienced since our first fateful meeting was purified and transformed into the most delightful reward that life had to offer. I absolutely surrendered to love.

We collapsed onto the bed. I was carefully calculating every touch, every movement, so that any time our bodies collided it was with the gentlest force.

Bella's voice was soft with emotion as she wrapped her arms around me. "I can't believe we survived waiting this long!"

I buried my face in her hair to muffle my laughter. This was right. This was the way our love was supposed to be!

"Let's not test our fortitude like that ever again, agreed?"

Her lips and tongue ran slowly around the perimeter of my ear in reply, effectively ending the conversation.

I shivered in response but dragged myself away reluctantly. I removed my shirt, and stepped out of my pants before rejoining her on the bed. Bella's eyes wandered over my figure, returning to my face, and then traveling down my arm and back again. She was drinking in the sight of my body in the muted sunlight.

I was neither shy, nor nervous. Again, this felt right. I untied her robe and marveled as it slipped away from her body, like a sculptor's masterpiece being revealed before an expectant audience. I drank in her physical beauty with open mouth and wide eyes. Bella's body in daylight was more exquisite, more luminous than before. I found myself copying her unhurried looks, content at first to just admire her in the glow of the evening sun.

While there was an eagerness to our lovemaking, we took our time.

I learned a new language that day. Speaking with words or thoughts was natural and familiar. However, this newborn communication made every nerve ending jolt with the messages I was receiving and sending. There was no learning curve, no need to study. It was as if a new pattern of speech was silently implanted into my brain and I was suddenly and fluently translating every feeling I had into a wordless exchange of movements and caresses.

We danced together, our bodies shifting and intertwining in a graceful display of our passion.

I committed this experience to memory with perfect detail. Every expression on her face and the sound of her voice, husky with physical and emotional pleasure.

* * *

><p>Sometime later, I was still breathing with conscious effort. Bella lay against me languidly. Her immediate need was satisfied, but I was drowning under an ocean of desire, yet again. The light of day was fading quickly now. There was no lengthy twilight here in the tropics. With a small groan, Bella rolled onto her back. Her arms were over her head and her back arched, catlike, as she flexed and stretched every muscle from the tips of her fingers to her toes. She caught my gaze, heavy with the raw intensity of my longing. Her cheeks turned a brilliant pink and she giggled.<p>

"I wouldn't have believed it before, but I think this has been harder for you than it has been for me! You look like a starving man who was just handed a double-stacked cheeseburger and told he had to wait for everyone else to get their food before he could eat."

"A fitting analogy, if the truth must be told. Well, fortunately, you're the only other person I will ever have to wait for. . . By the way, what _are_ we waiting for?" I was afraid I would scare her with the force of my desire, so I kept my tone light and playful. I honestly didn't think she was convinced.

She eyed me skeptically for a moment before replying. "Truthfully? I think I need a human minute or two. And a shower, if that's okay with you."

She was deferring to me? My selfish nature almost took control, but I helped her to her feet and pushed her gently towards the bathroom. I flopped back onto the bed as she scampered down the hall.

I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut. How could a need, satisfied so completely, return with even more strength in such a short time? I was too greedy, too demanding. Her human hormones, potent as they were, were no match for this new feature of my composition. As a human, I had needed water, food and shelter to survive. As a vampire, this had been simplified to the basic requirement of blood to nourish me.

Before I met Bella. . .

And now? Well, now my need to share my love and passion with Bella rivaled. . . no. . . _dwarfed_ any more basic need. The near-constant fire in my throat was merely a side bar to distract me from this greater necessity. And I had teased Bella for her behavior. I sighed and let my mind wander back to the vivid memories I hoarded like the priceless treasures that they were.

"Edward?" Her clear voice beckoned me. "Did you want to join me?"

Without a thought I leaped out of bed and was standing before her in a fraction of a heartbeat. Her startled look changed to one of sardonic amusement.

Bella shook her head and stepped into the shower muttering, "And you tease me about my hormones. . ."

I chuckled in response, having thought the exact same thing only moments ago.

My body felt alternately scalded and frostbitten standing so close to her in the shower. My perfect memory played a recording of our first night on the island. More powerful than déjà vu, I was literally reliving every thought and action in my mind. I pushed those memories away violently, unable to stand the double assault of my thoughts and her presence in that tight enclosure.

I stood back slightly, allowing Bella to complete her ablutions. Squeezing past one another, we traded places. I clenched my teeth as her hip rubbed against my thigh. Quickly, while I could still think, I finished my shower and then drew Bella back against my chest. I ran my fingertips over her delicate cheekbone, down her jaw and under her chin. She sighed contentedly.

With the gentlest pressure, I kneaded her shoulder muscles with my fingers. I marveled at the way her tender flesh offered so little resistance. _So fragile, so soft. _I was mesmerized by my ability to touch her and bring her pleasure without pain. The hot water and my ministrations combined to sooth away the tension in her neck and shoulders and she melted into my embrace.

She tilted her head back with a sigh, resting it against my chest. Her wet hair straggled down my stomach, washed into seaweed-like strands by the warm water that poured between us. I ran my hands down her arms, placed my hands on her hips, and turned her to face me. Her eyes sparkled as she lifted her lips to mine. Judging by the sound of her racing heart, the wait was over.

We almost didn't make it out of the shower.

* * *

><p>The next several days were a blur. It wasn't that I did not see, hear, or feel clearly. If anything, my senses were heightened to a fever pitch. The fact was that I could not see the world around me because I was incapable of dragging my eyes or my thoughts away from the goddess before me.<p>

We had no routine, no schedule. We got out of bed when Bella awoke and fell back into it frequently to dampen the fire of our mutual need whenever it grew too painful. We broke apart long enough to address Bella's human requirements or, occasionally, venture out to gambol around our island retreat like children on the first day of spring. These excursions were not really a break from lovemaking. Rather, we were approaching our newfound intimacy like a wine connoisseur who must cleanse his palate between each vintage to better appreciate the subtle tones and flavors that make each wine unique. And every union was utterly, absolutely unique.

Several days passed, during which I lived and moved as if rays of light shone down on me from heaven. My mind sang with the sweetest joy. My heart, though not beating, throbbed within my chest. There was no more perfect love, no greater happiness, than that which we shared. Everything about her was magnificent.

* * *

><p>Part of my mind pondered this happiness while the rest of my attention was focused on Bella, swimming alongside me. We were not in the sheltered cove where we had snorkeled before. Today I was surprising Bella.<p>

The last time we had walked around the southern tip of the island, I had been confused by the sound of air and water rushing through the rocks themselves. Further examination had revealed the presence of a network of caves, but I could not find the entrance. Low tide brought the clues I needed and I was able to locate the approximate point of entry for the water that rushed in and out of the rocks, occasionally sending salty spray up through gaps in the ground.

A short exploration that night, while Bella slept, had led me to the underwater entrance. I followed the rushing water through a tunnel opening in the reef. I judged that is was an old lava tube by its almost geometrically-perfect cylindrical shape. Small, tree-like coral clung to the walls and floor. A two-foot long eel raced for the relative shelter of a crack in the rock as I swam by. After 20 feet, the tunnel opened out to a pool and I kicked to the surface.

As my head broke the surface, I noted several things simultaneously. The inside of the cave felt almost like being inside a conch shell. The sounds of the wind and waves were amplified and ricocheted off every surface. A small amount of light filtered through clefts in the ceiling of the cave, but the predominant light source was a thick layer of cool, greenish algae that clung to the wet walls. It glowed with an eerie, phosphorescent light. Minute particles in the water cast a greenish tinge on everything below.

The effect was mysterious and lonely, but hauntingly beautiful. At that moment, I decided I wanted to share my discovery with Bella.

This had all occurred before that transformational night when our relationship had soared to new levels of intimacy and trust. Without the trust I gained in myself and our love, I don't know if I could have followed through with my wish.

Now, six days later, we were facing each other, treading water above the entrance to the lava tube. I hadn't told Bella the details about my discovery and I was suddenly nervous. To access the caves we would be underwater for almost 30 seconds, even with me propelling us through the water at inhuman speeds. I knew Bella could hold her breath that long and longer. The rational part of my brain dismissed my concerns, but Bella's fragile body and susceptibility to accidents was undermining my confidence.

"You're going to need to trust me, Bella." She glared in response to the implication that she didn't, but I held up a hand to stall her response and continued. "I'll need you to hold onto my shoulders and try to keep your legs and feet straight behind us. We'll be underwater for about half a minute, so take some deep breaths before we go under to fully oxygenate your blood. Okay?"

Bella nodded and began inhaling and exhaling deeply, filling her lungs completely before forcing the air out in a rush. Her explicit trust and confidence in me never failed to amaze me. She didn't hesitate, so neither did I. I raised an eyebrow and waited while she took a final breath. When she nodded, I turned my back to her, ensured her hands had a firm grip on my shoulders, and I dove beneath the surface.

My calculations were perfect. We were directly over the dark, cave-like opening in the rocks. Three strong strokes brought us down to the entrance. Bella's grip was still strong so I swam into the tunnel without a pause. I was ticking the seconds off in my head, listening to the sound of her heart and feeling the thudding pulse against my back. We were almost through the tube before her heart rate began to increase, reacting to the strain of her diminishing oxygen supply. Three seconds later we surfaced in the cave and Bella calmly exhaled before dragging in fresh air. Her unruffled composure impressed me. I should have known. I shook the water from my hair and grinned at her.

Her eyes fixed on my face for only a second before she was looking around with open-mouthed astonishment. I swam to the edge of the pool and climbed out onto the rocky ledge. Years of waves had eroded the rock and deposited a thick layer of sand on the shelf. I pulled Bella up after me and she stood, turning slowly, taking it all in.

When I managed to drag my eyes from her face, I found myself frozen in shock. I had only seen the cave at night, but the sight before me now was stunning. Salt crystals encrusted the walls of the cave, shimmering in the thin beams of light that permeated small cracks in the ceiling. Millions of diamonds might have produced a similar effect.

Even more enchanting was the pool itself. A thick shaft of light spread out from the tunnel, illuminating coral growths, colorful sea anemones and spiky sea urchins. The pool fairly glowed with turquoise light. The water rose and fell with a pulse of its own, making the aquatic scene advance and retreat in a mesmerizing fashion.

Bella giggled and I glanced at her questioningly.

"I thought this was a surprise for me, but you seem more shocked than I am."

"Well, you were prepared for a surprise. I've been here before, so I wasn't. My last visit was at night and it looked completely different. This. . . this is just magical."

Bella stood before me and raised her lips to mine. "It is magical. Thank you."

"So this is a good surprise, then?"

"The best!" she responded with a laugh.

We sat down in the sand, content to share the beauty of the moment in silence. I found myself humming the melody to the song I had composed the previous week. Bella looked at me with a tiny smile gracing her lips.

"Edward, that is so beautiful. What is it from?"

"I don't know," I lied. "It's just a tune that popped into my head."

"I don't think I've ever heard anything so perfect. It's like the song is speaking to my soul, calling up emotions and memories that I didn't even know I had. . ."

So the power of our song spoke to her as it spoke to me. I raised her hand to my lips and placed a slow kiss on the tip of each of her fingers. Our eyes never parted, sharing the secrets of our souls in pure communion. Passion and lust seemed to pale in comparison to the power of our devotion to each other. When I kissed her, the fire of my thirst hardly disrupted my pleasure at her touch.

We made love, there in the sand. No words were spoken. The only sounds were the wind and water echoing through the cave. The experience was as gentle as the filtered sunlight that surrounded us. We lay together for hours, enchanted by the hypnotic beauty of the cave.

It was dark when we left the cave. Upon reaching the shore, we walked home along the moonlit beach hand in hand, entranced by what we had just shared.

* * *

><p>A few days later, the sun rose brilliant and clear, as usual. However, on the horizon, clouds were piling up, driven thousands of feet into the atmosphere by boiling convective activity. The air was thick with humidity and oppressive with its weight. After breakfast, I was sure Bella would want to cool off in the ocean. Perhaps she would wear the blue bikini today. I had seen it in her open drawer and couldn't help imagining how the brilliant color would look setting off the gold-kissed creaminess of her skin.<p>

One hour later, I was standing on the beach idly counting the waves that washed up on the shore. I admired the eternal persistence of the ocean. It made me feel young. It made me feel mortal. It made me feel more like Bella.

The sound of her heart and the brush of her footsteps in the sand alerted me to her approach. I turned and grinned as I scanned her figure from head to toe. . . and back up again.

I was right. She had worn the blue bikini. It was everything I had imagined and more. With my eyesight, I was able to tell immediately that this was not some mass-produced piece of swimwear. Alice had probably found a custom designer and commissioned the garment specifically for Bella. Every row of the tightly knotted fabric was perfectly even. Only the tiniest space remained between each strand, revealing tantalizing glimpses of the pure pale skin beneath. Her breasts tempted me with their fullness, and the crocheted bottoms were tied in bows on each side and clung to her figure, accenting the curve of her belly and hips. Her voracious appetite was enhancing her already delicious figure in all the right ways.

Under the brilliant midday sun, Bella and I swam and laughed, splashing water into the air to admire the rainbows in the mist. Sunlight reflected from my skin and lit up each droplet like a miniature flame. I admired the play of light across Bella's skin.

Bella sent a volley of water towards my face and dove for the shoreline, giggling and gasping as she waded through the shallows. I snapped out of my daydream and vaulted out of the water to stop her.

_She isn't going to get away that easily. _

If I allowed myself to stop and consider our actions, I was sure I would see our antics as childish. But I was thriving on this innocent banter. The silliness and spontaneity were refreshing.

With one bound I was at her side, arms around her, tackling her to the ground. She collapsed in a fit of laughter, with my playful growl drowning her out. I dragged her back and hovered over her, trapping her in the cage of my arms and legs. Her eyes danced with merriment and mischief.

I knew immediately the rules of the game had changed. The hunter had become the prey.

What perverse part of my nature decided at that moment to torture me?

It was a pleasurable pain, though, as I focused on resisting her tempting caresses and delicate kisses. Her warm hands stroked my arms, chest and tense abdomen. Her full lips pressed against my throat, leaving a trail of fiery explosions in their wake. But her hands never traveled further than my waist.

My desire was like clay in the hands of a sculptor. She molded and manipulated it into a wild creature. It growled and snapped its teeth, prowling within the confines of its enclosure, searching for an escape. I glowered down at her, stubbornly trying to prove that I was the stronger, more restrained party.

I sucked in a breath of air as her fingers traced the band of my shorts. Her undiluted scent was like the intense fire of blacksmith's forge. The air in my lungs smoldered and light burst painfully behind my eyes. The agony in my blazing throat was growing exponentially.

It was more than two weeks since the last time I had fed. Sixteen days that had brought me from the lowest depths of self-hatred to the most perfect happiness and exhilarating joy imaginable.

Could I really bear to leave, even for a minute?

If I left to hunt now, I knew I may not have to leave again for the rest of our stay. I could hunt again when we returned to Forks. I did not want to miss a single moment. Even the thought of being away from the steady heartbeat that ruled my existence felt like my own heart was being torn from my chest.

I momentarily considered the idea of hunting the dolphins. It would be a different sort of challenge, tracking and taking down prey in the ocean. However, as unappetizing as fish smelled, I was sure any mammal on a strictly fish diet would taste appalling. Of course, I had considered penguins as a food source once, although only hypothetically.

_No._ Apart from Bella's obvious attachment to the dolphin pod, there was something more about them. Their cognizance and human-like emotions made me feel that it would be crossing a line to even consider them as prey.

Fine, then. My decision was made. But, I resolved that I would not miss a single waking moment. Bella would not even need to know I was leaving. I didn't want to interrupt her bliss, even if I had to endure the bitter pain of separation alone.

Bella was becoming more forceful as my lack of reaction goaded her on, alternately licking and biting my right ear lobe. I was shocked by how sensual that part of my anatomy was. I never would have imagined that it could destroy my control so absolutely.

"Bella, you know you aren't going to win. . ." My voice was husky, despite my efforts to sound natural and unstrained. She raised her eyebrows, obviously doubting my statement.

The drumming of her heartbeat blocked out every other sound. I could only smell her scent. I could only taste her skin. My own skin was ablaze from the flames that spread like a brushfire from every point of contact between us.

With a final shudder, I forfeited the contest. My resolve collapsed around me and I buried myself in her embrace. I drank in the molten flames and covered her mouth with my own.

Some time later, I gazed down at her. The evening light made her skin glow. Her eyes were closed, her chest rose and fell in deep but irregular breaths. I carefully gathered her languid form into my arms. With a soft moan, she nestled into my embrace and fell asleep.

"I will love you forever. You are my life," I whispered into her hair. It did not even matter that she could not hear me.

Settling into a cross-legged position, I cradled Bella's sleeping form against my chest. I watched the sun dip lower in the sky, finally melting into the ocean before carrying her back to the house to bathe her and tuck her into bed. She scarcely stirred from her deep slumber.

As I let the mosquito netting fall around her prone figure I realized I was not the same man that I had been when we arrived on this island. I was changed. Bella had changed me. And I was content to never look back again.


	7. Whiplash

All characters and plot developments belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**This chapter corresponds to Breaking Dawn Book 1 Chapter 7 -_ Unexpected _and is the final chapter in this EPOV companion piece to Breaking Dawn. Thanks so much for reading!  
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* * *

><p>In the darkness, I stood over her sleeping figure, unable to step away, yet knowing I had to. I needed to leave and hunt. The thirst was and always had been an undeniable force.<p>

_This is for her safety_, I told myself. I needed to remain in control at all times, and the distraction of my tortured throat was a risk that must be subdued.

The waxing crescent moon cast very little light, but Bella's visage was alight with a glow from within. Her skin radiated vibrant warmth, making the air around her shimmer with an amber-hued light. I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs with the scalding scent of her. Willing her very essence to permeate me; body, mind and soul.

This woman, this fragile human, had given me hope in my land of night. She was my midnight sun, the light of my existence. Only since she had rescued me from my suicide attempt with the Volturi had I begun to have hope. I did not understand, yet I could no longer deny. If a creature as good and pure as Bella could love a monster like me. . . then maybe I could be worthy of that love. I would spend every second of every day trying. And if I truly had a soul, I would dedicate its salvation to her. For she, the greatest blessing in my life, had saved me.

My love and anxiety twisted into an uncomfortable knot in my stomach as I penned a short note. As soundly as she had been sleeping of late, it was unlikely she would ever read those words. However, I could not leave her alone without an explanation should she awaken before my return.

My lips twisted into a small, satisfied smile as I read her name before setting the note down next to her. . . Mrs. Cullen. I would never tire of hearing and seeing that.

_Mrs. Cullen,_

_I'm hoping you won't wake and notice my absence,_

_but, if you should, I'll be back very soon._

_I've just gone to the mainland to hunt._

_Go back to sleep and I'll be here when you wake again._

_I love you._

With my body aching and my throat constricted, I pressed one final kiss to her forehead and fled from the room.

The pain and anxiety grew ten-fold before I had even set foot on the boat's deck. A cursory check was all I needed to assure myself that it was refueled, thanks to Gustavo, and ready for service.

I pushed the throttle to the stop, exalting in the wild thrill of skimming over the rough ocean waves. Maintaining control required my entire focus as the small craft was launched into the air by a large, ramp-like swell. I was truly testing my reflexes and control, something I never did while in Bella's company. The tension in my arms and the feel of the yacht's engine growling with power helped to ease the physical pain of separation.

At close to 90 knots, the trip back to the mainland was significantly faster than before, and I was drifting into a boat slip in Rio de Janeiro within two hours. Dark as it was, nobody witnessed my inhuman speed as I flitted to the fuel station, filled a portable tank, and darted back to the boat to re-fuel it for my return trip. As an afterthought, I stowed an extra fuel container in the boat thinking that Bella might want to make a trip into Rio to sample the nightlife before the cleaning crew's next visit.

I glanced around the deserted marina once more before running silently westward. The Corcovado loomed over the city, crowned by the statue of Christ the Redeemer. While the rocky mountain was dark and ominous, the statue was lit from below by dozens of spotlights. Wispy clouds shrouded the base of the statue. It seemed to float in space.

It was after midnight and the streets were almost empty. I stuck to the shadows, darting forward when the way was clear. Occasionally I glanced upward to the brilliant monument, wondering at the faith of the millions who traveled here every year to pay homage to their Savior. It was a discomfiting thought; the idea of a Man so powerful He could influence the minds of millions, even 2,000 years after His life. Not even the oldest vampire I knew had been around so long. And not even Aro could claim a fraction of this Man's charisma and worldwide impact.

Carlisle, while not aligned with any one particular faith system, held the Christian creed in high regard, and his faith in a supreme, benevolent being was stoic and unshakable. I wished for a fraction of his faith—some sort of consolation in this twilight existence.

I willfully dragged my thoughts away from missing Bella and my spiritual musings. Several minutes later, I was free from the oppressive thoughts, sounds, and scents of thousands of human beings. I left the murmuring minds behind as I ran swiftly through the trees of the Tijuca Forest, an Atlantic rainforest reserve immediately adjacent to the city. Before Bella, I never would have dreamed of hunting in such close proximity to humans, but the control I had been forced to learn in her presence made the scent of other humans only a passing, if slightly painful, temptation.

Emmett and Jasper would expect a detailed account of the game and hunting experience here and I didn't plan to disappoint them. I passed over many trails thick with the sweet scent of humans, but I had only penetrated a few hundred yards into the dense growth before a musky scent caught my attention. It was similar to that of mountain lions, but sweeter and heavier; a pleasant surprise.

I cast off surface thoughts and allowed my senses to draw in the sounds and smells of the forest. Millions of mosquitoes and other flying insects created an insistent buzz. Three light-sounding hearts beat toward the north, accompanied by the sound and scent of fresh-flowing water—a stream. The rhythm was familiar, probably a small variety of deer.

I continued to focus. A breeze from the northwest brought a stronger dose of the earlier scent and I raced, ghostlike in that direction. Subtle, at first, a steady throbbing permeated my consciousness. As I drew closer, I took to the trees. The branches grew at angles from the trunks, unlike the flexible, horizontal branches of the evergreens in Washington. They did not offer the same springy propulsion as I jumped from tree to tree, but dangling vines provided plenty of entertainment. I had a mental image of Emmett, dressed like Tarzan, swinging wildly through the canopy. I chuckled silently to myself, but quickly refocused as I drew close to my prey.

I first spotted the great cat draped languidly over a branch, yawning widely. It had neither heard me nor caught my scent. I paused to admire its feline grace and ink-black pelt - a panther, gorgeous and lethal. The panther stretched out one foreleg, spreading its massive paw with talon-like claws bared.

If I were not in such a hurry, I would have taken my time with the hunt, but I longed to return to Isle Esme. With a fluid pounce, I landed on the cat's branch and sunk my teeth into the sinewy neck before it could do more than flinch. Warm blood washed down my throat, cooling the burning fire and making all of my senses soar with the rush of energy. My sense of smell had not lied. This was the most pleasant meal I had tasted in years, infinitely more palatable than the deer and elk we subsisted on much of the time.

All too soon, the body was drained of blood and I released the empty carcass. The thirst returned almost immediately, so I reluctantly turned toward the first heartbeats I had sensed, determined to sate my thirst completely before returning to the island. I wrinkled my nose in disgust as I neared the smaller herbivores, but I steadied my resolve and finished my hunt quickly and cleanly.

The return trip to Isle Esme was much slower. Strong winds tore across the ocean surface, molding the water into angry waves that frothed and broke around the low prow of my boat. My impatience grew and grew as the sun rose before me. I forced the throttle forward once, only to be met by an angry creaking in the prow, so I brought it back again with a growl.

The winds decreased rapidly as the atmosphere heated up and the air was warm and heavy with humidity by the time I docked and secured the boat. As soon as I killed the engine, the warm reassurance of Bella's heartbeat mended the ache in my spirit. I glanced up at the sky, furious that nature had conspired to keep me from Bella for longer than I expected. Two agonizing hours longer.

The sun shone, brilliant and uncaring, already climbing toward its zenith.

I ran my hand through my hair, detangling the snarls from my windy passage, as I quickly negotiated the sandy path to the house. I was greeted by the hours-old scent of cooking oil and lively music playing on the TV, which was frozen on the menu of the movie from the previous day. All of the windows were open, but the air was still uncomfortably warm.

I was dismayed when I saw Bella, her face and hair damp with sweat, where she lay on the sofa. Tenderly, I gathered her in my arms, caressing her forehead with one cool hand.

"I'm sorry. So much for thoroughness. I didn't think about how hot you would be with me gone. I'll have an air conditioner installed before I leave again."

Bella barely registered my presence before she was struggling from my embrace. Her face was panicked and I released her in shock.

"Excuse me!" she gasped. Her face was drained of all color.

"Bella?"

She ran from me without another word, her hand clamped firmly over her mouth. I was one step behind her. I felt so helpless watching her retching violently into the toilet. All I could do was hold her hair and wait for the fit to pass. Her eyes overflowed with tears and she gasped for breath between heaves.

I couldn't contain my worry and pressed for her to speak. "Bella? What's wrong?"

"Damn rancid chicken," she moaned after several more shuddering breaths.

"Are you all right?" I was skeptical. I had smelled the fried chicken upon my arrival, but as unpleasant as the smell was to me, it had not smelled rancid.

"Fine. It's just food poisoning. You don't need to see this. Go away," she panted weakly.

Whether she was trying to spare me the unpleasantness or she was suffering from some superficial human emotion like embarrassment, I was not about to leave her alone in her present state.

"Not likely, Bella."

"Go away," she moaned again.

She pushed weakly against me as she flushed the toilet and stumbled to the sink to rinse her mouth. I could hardly believe the transformation that had taken place in my brief absence. Yesterday, Bella had fairly glowed, but now her skin was sweaty, pale and mottled with pink patches on her cheeks. I had seen her sick with colds, injured and in a hospital bed, but I had never seen her look so ill. Even her hair had lost some of its luster.

I carried her gently to our bedroom, setting her down as carefully as I could. She leaned into my embrace as I held her gingerly.

"Food poisoning?" While not a practicing physician, I was instinctively skeptical of her hasty self-diagnosis.

"Yeah," Bella croaked. Even her voice had lost its musical timbre. "I made some chicken last night. It tasted off, so I threw it out. But I ate a few bites first."

"How do you feel now?" I held my hand to her forehead, narrowing my eyes as I estimated her temperature. Almost 100 degrees, I was sure. I assessed her symptoms, considering heat stress as the most likely culprit.

Guilt, a feeling I had missed those last several days, wormed its way back into my stomach again.

"Pretty normal. A little hungry, actually."

I appraised her silently, noting her improved color and even breathing. Considering the possibility of heat stress, I insisted that she remain in bed and sip a large glass of cold water. When she seemed to handle that and her temperature dropped to a more acceptable level, I fried three eggs over-medium. I watched every movement she made, looking for any sign of sickness, but she seemed to be in good health again, just fatigued from her ordeal.

We retired to the couch and I turned on CNN. Bella's sudden sickness had made me uncomfortably aware of our isolation and her vulnerability so far from real medical aid. Watching the pre-recorded headlines was reassuring, in a way. It brought the world closer again. Bella was so calm and relaxed lying across my lap. I stroked her hair absently, considering how I would handle a medical emergency if she were truly injured. I wasn't getting any closer to a comfortable solution when Bella stirred.

She twisted her body to kiss me and I leaned down with a small smile, always eager to feel her lips on mine. We were still inches apart when she lurched out of my lap and sprinted for the kitchen sink. Again, I held her hair, but the nagging sense that something was very wrong pursued me. Her temperature was not elevated now, so I had to rule out heat stress. My book knowledge offered me no help here.

"Maybe we should go back to Rio, see a doctor." _Someone who can do something more than watch you helplessly._

She shook her head vehemently, as she walked carefully to the bathroom.

"I'll be fine right after I brush my teeth," she assured me.

I sat back down on the couch, not watching the screen, just focusing on the sounds of Bella brushing her teeth then digging through her suitcase in the bedroom. Then silence. . .

Several moments passed before I decided to check on her. My gentle knock startled her and she dropped something.

"Are you well? Did you get sick again?" I waited anxiously for her to reassure me again.

"Yes and no."

Her strangled reply did little to settle my anxiety.

"Bella? Can I please come in?"

"O. . . kay?" she responded hesitantly.

Her voice sounded lost, bewildered. I opened the door slowly and stepped around to face her. Panic quickly overran the guilt I had been feeling. Her eyes were staring blankly, her face pale and still, her body frozen in a sitting-position next to her suitcase. I sat next to her, feeling her forehead, although I could already tell her temperature was normal. Her pulse was weak and she exhibited many of the signs of shock. I started to consider an infection or internal bleeding of some sort, but my heightened senses could only pick up a faint fluttering and warmth in her abdomen. I cursed myself for not having the will and self-control to practice medicine alongside Carlisle. In the face of a real problem, I was utterly worthless.

"What's wrong?" I questioned, hoping she could give me more detailed symptoms to help me.

"How many days has it been since the wedding?" she whispered, finally.

Her question seemed completely random and I responded without thinking, "Seventeen. Bella, what is it?"

Her lips moved silently, counting, and she held up a finger to halt my half-formed protest. Several seconds later, she paused, her brow furrowed in concentration, and then she began counting again.

"Bella! I'm losing my mind over here," I hissed frantically. My breathing was strained and my head pounded with the knowledge that something was terribly wrong, and I was completely helpless to act against it.

Bella's frame shook slightly, her throat convulsed, and she reached shakily for an object in her suitcase. When she held it up, a small blue box of tampons, I was completely baffled.

"What? Are you trying to pass this illness off as PMS?"

"No," she choked on the words. "No, Edward. I'm trying to tell you that my period is five days late." My face, my whole body was frozen as my mind processed the implications of this fact. "I don't think I have food poisoning," she finished shakily.

_. . . five days late. . ._

Could she be. . . pregnant? Was that even possible? No vampire had ever impregnated his mate. But how many vampires actually mated with a human?

_Libishomen. . . _

The name hissed through my thoughts. Along with the cursed word, flickers of Kaure's memories and fears darted in and out of my head.

_The pregnant girl in the jungle. . ._

_Screaming. . ._

_Pain. . ._

_No. It can't be true. It can't. . . Or can it?_

My mind was severed from my body by this horrifying conclusion. I floated in a vacuum, suspended from all sensation.

I was blind. Unable to hear, feel, taste or smell. A small analytical part of my mind registered shock. Any sensory input at this point and my mind would fracture from the strain.

There was no time.

Time is the measurement of change. Its passage is something we measure and track, but never truly control. Even time had deserted me.

There was no change. No end to the numbing darkness that overpowered me.

I was caught in a vacuum, with no hope of breaking free.

Surrounded by blackness.

All sensation deserted me. Even my memories flitted away. They were incompatible with existence in this swirling vortex of panic-inducing night.

Alone and terrified, I drifted. . .

Something. Ringing. Ringing.

The sound came from a great distance, echoing hollowly in the anesthetized passages of my splintered psyche.

Ringing. A voice. Sweet and musical, but muffled in the darkness. I focused all of my strength on that sound.

There was something important. Something I loved was. . . in trouble.

No. Someone.

Bella. . . Isabella. . . my Bella, my love.

With her name came a fear so intense, so complete that I choked on it. I was alone in the darkness with a vision of a face so beautiful it would make angels weep. And that face was crumbling in shock and pain. And I could not go to her.

I had no body, only my mind. Stranded in an icy wasteland of terror. . .

_"Weird. This is going to sound crazy—look, I know it's way too early for any of this. Maybe I am crazy. But I'm having bizarre dreams and eating all the time and crying and throwing up and. . . and. . . I swear something moved inside me just now."_

Those words forced my mind back into my frozen body with a painful _snap_. I had to find the answer. Alice. . . Carlisle. . . Names, faces, memories came rushing back.

A baby.

No, not a baby. Not human.

A monster. An aberration. Anathema.

_Carlisle. I need to speak to Carlisle._ My hand shot out, reaching for my cell phone.

"Um, I think Edward wants to talk to you," Bella mumbled.

"Put him on." I could hear the buzzing reply, distorted and delayed by the satellite connection.

"Is it possible?" My mouth felt alien. I had trouble forming words, as if my lips had not made a sound in centuries. _Is it possible? Could the legends be more than stories? What kind of monster is it? What kind of monster am I?_

"It must be. Her symptoms, the timing. What else could it be?" Carlisle was stammering, an uncharacteristic sound. His voice rarely wavered or hesitated with doubt. But, now? "I never thought it was a risk. I never thought to warn you. Edward, I am so sorry." He ended in a whisper. Self-blame and guilt were thick in his troubled voice.

"And Bella?" What would this mean for her? I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her against my side. Her warmth was an anchor, protection against the chilling darkness that still swirled in the recesses of my mind.

"We don't have a choice. We need to get it out. At the rate it's growing. . . Edward, you need to come straight home. Can you leave today?" He was trying to modulate the tone of his voice, but remorse and fear tinged every word.

"Yes. Yes, I will."

My thumb automatically found the 'call end' button. I was dialing again instantly, determined not to lose a single second.

"What did Carlisle say?" Bella asked impatiently.

"He thinks you're pregnant."

My voice sounded dead and cold, even to me. Like the voice of a corpse echoing up from an open grave. Bella's heart jumped as my words confirmed her fears. Mixed in with the natural sounds of her body, I heard again that insidious flutter. The heart of a parasite, growing stronger by the second.

I pressed the phone against my ear, listening to the monotonous ringing, wishing someone would answer, but knowing I would have to navigate an automated system to find a real person to assist me.

"Who are you calling now?" she wanted to know.

"The airport. We're going home."

The fantasy world we had been living in for the past nine days was shattered. All my dreams of an ideal life in New England, going to college, being like a normal, happy, newlywed couple. . . They were all obliterated with the revelation that I was not sterile after all.

Hadn't I wished out loud that Bella and I could have the potential to be parents? How could I wish for such a thing? Of course, I had imagined myself human, fathering a human child with Bella's fair skin, soulful brown eyes, and mahogany locks. That had been my dream, my desire. But not this. Never this!

I rarely had the need to utilize the full vampiric capabilities of my multi-faceted mind, but now I found them rigorously tested.

A portion of my mind locked onto the sound of Bella's heart, possessively counting every beat. How precious that sound was now that her body was in danger!

Another part analyzed every movement, every sound her body made. I was intimately aware of the rushing of blood through her veins, the air sweeping in and out of her lungs, even the subtle whisper of her hair brushing against her shoulders and back when she moved. I locked in on the slight fluttering sound that was almost completely hidden beneath the louder whooshing of blood through her system.

The monster's heart was beating strongly. A hissing breath escaped my lips. I hated it. Hated it more completely than I had ever hated another living creature. It threatened Bella's life by its very existence. And by hating it, I had no choice but to hate myself, its creator.

_By their fruits you shall know them. Evil begets evil. . ._

While these thoughts were streaming through my mind, I was waiting impatiently for the phone to connect. I had dialed the airport concierge. I had neither the time, nor the patience to deal with a travel agent. I did not care about the cost, the type of aircraft, or even the airlines used. I only wanted the fastest route home.

Sooner than I expected, I was connected with a woman who claimed to want to help me find and book my flight. I had only blurted out the beginning of my request and she was already trying to convince me to accept a promotional travel package. I dampened the growl that threatened to escape my throat. Over the next 73 minutes, I kept up a constant stream of conversation in Portuguese, finally making some progress with our flight arrangements.

While my mind careened through dozens of different thoughts, my body was making quick work of repacking our suitcases. Bella stood hesitantly off to the side, watching my frenzied actions with awe and a touch of fear. I threw an outfit on the bed and was grateful that she immediately began to dress herself, without my prompting. While my flurry of activity and the tense conversation with the concierge continued, Bella made her way to the kitchen and stood, staring pensively out the window.

I heard the crackle of a plastic package and dull crunching sounds as she ate some sort of snack. Her voice murmured softly, but my incoherent mind made little sense of her words.

Every last scrap of clothing was packed and our travel arrangements were confirmed and paid for. Direct flights were rare, and the airline had displaced two other travelers to make room for us. I didn't even pause to question the cost. I would have paid anything to get us home immediately. I snapped my phone shut, silenced the ringer and approached Bella cautiously.

"Bella?" I addressed her warily, afraid to startle her. The sight of her, standing in silence with tears coursing down her face was enough for me to want to take my own life.

"Bella! Are you in pain?" I crossed to her side, cupping her stricken face gently with my hands.

"No, no—"

Her eyes looked so lost. I pulled her close to me, needing to feel her safe in my arms, even if I knew it was only an illusion. I murmured soothing words of encouragement. "Don't be afraid. We'll be home in sixteen hours. You'll be fine. Carlisle will be ready when we get there. We'll take care of this, and you'll be fine, you'll be fine."

"Take care of this? What do you mean?"

Her voice was so full of pain and bewilderment—I could barely bring myself to look into her eyes. But I gathered my strength and pretended to be brave for her. Leaning back, I looked directly into her eyes, willing her to be strong and unafraid.

"We're going to get that thing out before it can hurt any part of you. Don't be scared. I won't let it hurt you."

"That thing?" she gasped.

I knew the full impact of this nightmare had not fully sunk in. I was formulating a reassuring response when I was shocked by a gruff voice speaking directly in my mind. _More eggs, more eggs. . . what odd diets these Americans have. . ._

"Dammit!" I cursed. How had I not heard the sound of a boat arriving? "I forgot Gustavo was due today. I'll get rid of him and be right back."

I left Bella alone in the kitchen and sped toward the front door. All I needed to do was postpone their visit until tomorrow and change my request from light cleaning and restocking to a thorough cleaning and securing the property for future use. Two heartbeats and two sets of footsteps on the stairs had me cursing under my breath as I opened the front door.

It was then that I registered a softer but highly suspicious mental voice. I hissed softly. Kaure had not completely dismissed her fears after all. I opened the door with a carefully impassive expression.

"I'm sorry that I didn't think to call you sooner. My wife and I have had an unexpected change of plans and will be returning to America today. I would appreciate it if you could return tomorrow to clean and secure the property."

Gustavo's mind registered shock and surprise but no suspicion. Kaure's thoughts immediately caught my attention and I suppressed a growl. She was far too close to the truth. Before she even spoke, my eyes were drawn to the steaming dish she held before her. Fish, onions and some local herbs.

"But, sir. I made a special dinner for you! You and your lovely bride must be tired of cooking every day. Allow me to share one of my grandmother's favorite recipes. It is my gift to you."

I was impressed again by her ability to squash her own fears and bravely challenge me when I knew she suspected my true nature. She was surreptitiously trying to peek past my figure, searching for any sign of Bella. In her mind, she was imagining Bella's body, lifeless and bleeding streams of scarlet onto the white silk sheets in the first bedroom.

Gustavo was apathetic, waiting patiently for his partner to complete her self-imposed errand. Kaure met my gaze, barely flinching as my amber eyes bore into her deep brown ones. She shrank back slightly, but then squared her shoulders and took a step toward me.

"At least let me put it in the kitchen for you. You will be thanking me later!"

_I doubt that. _I gritted my teeth but stepped back and turned on my heel.

"This way, then," I growled. I led her to the kitchen.

Bella stood in the exact spot where I had left her, but her cheeks were damp with fresh tears. My anger and self-hatred grew unchecked. I wiped the moisture tenderly from her cheeks and whispered in her ear, "She's insisting on leaving the food she brought—she made us dinner. It's an excuse—she wants to make sure I haven't killed you yet."

_Yet._ My own words foreshadowed my greatest fear, chilling me more than an arctic breeze.

Kaure's thoughts were racing as she turned the corner. It was starting to sink into her mind that if I was what she suspected, nothing could stop me from killing her and Gustavo if I chose to. I could sink their boat and make it all look like an accident at sea. Nobody would ever know or suspect the truth.

The relief she felt when she saw Bella was short lived. Her eyes darted back and forth between us. In her mind, I saw that she noticed Bella's pallid skin and tear-filled eyes. Now she was concerned on a more natural level for Bella's health. As with her previous visit, a rational explanation for my antagonistic attitude began to surface and she started to regret provoking me to anger.

"She is unwell, she should not be traveling," she muttered under her breath in Portuguese as she set the covered dish on the counter.

"I think I can decide what is best for my wife's health. You have delivered your gift. Thank you. You may leave now." My tone was clipped, angrier than I intended. The strain of this delay was too much. I could not afford to lose another minute.

Kaure's shoulders stiffened but she accepted my rebuke silently and turned to leave. Her movement stirred the air sending the pungent smell of fish and onions at us. Bella tensed and gagged, her body heaving violently and she spun to release the contents of her stomach into the sink.

Helplessly, I held her hair back from her face and whispered words of comfort in her ear. I felt so hypocritical; the cause of her pain and sickness encouraging her to be strong. Impatiently, not even considering my audience, I snatched the offending dish from the counter and thrust it into the refrigerator. The dish was scalding hot and the flesh of my hands protested. I should have grasped it by the handles, but I was beyond caring.

Bella was still bent over the sink, gasping and shaking. Her knuckles were whitened from her death-grip on the edge of the counter. Her face was hot and clammy with sweat so I ran my cool fingers across her skin to bring her some relief. She sagged into my supporting embrace. Her hands shook as she rinsed her mouth, spitting weakly into the sink. I turned her around, wrapping my arms protectively around her. She rested her head against my shoulder, breathing slowly and deliberately.

I thought I knew pain. I thought I had experienced the most nerve-shattering agony at Jane's sadistic hands. I thought hearing that Bella had thrown herself from a cliff in grief was the most tortuous experience I could ever have. However, my mind and body had grown in their capacity for joy, love and pleasure during our time on this island. I was quickly realizing that the sword cut both ways. I had never felt such pleasure, but I had also never felt so much pain.

But what chilled me the most was the knowledge that my torture had only just begun.

Bella clutched her swelling stomach, the center of our agony. Kaure's gasp forced my mind to focus on her perception of the drama unfolding before her. She had seen my inhuman speed. Her eyes, wide with shock and terror, were fixed on Bella's hands, clasped over the bulge beneath her shirt.

Images flitted through her mind rapidly, but three stood out from the rest accompanied by the violence of her mental shrieking. _The crude drawing of the vampire holding his victim's body. . . a circle of Indian children gathered around a wizened elder, their faces frozen in horrified fascination. . .and a child's nightmare, a reaction to the ancient's stories. In the nightmare, a young Indian woman clutched her bruised, distended belly and fell to the ground, crying out in agony as sharp rips and tears echoed through the jungle clearing. . ._

I could not stem the force of her thoughts and I gasped weakly. The images in her mind drove the air from my lungs. Instinct took over and I stepped in front of Bella, as if I could protect her from the images and the fate they implied. My movement spurred Kaure to action and she advanced on me, screaming her accusations shrilly. Her fist was raised as if she intended to strike me down with the force of her anger.

I felt my spirit being crushed beneath the weight of her words. Everything she said was true. I was a monster, a demon, a murderer. My self-loathing was unparalleled, but the feel of Bella, clutching my arm, forced me to think of her. I needed to know how much of Kaure's words and memories were based in fact, and how much were embellished legends.

There was so little air in my lungs. My chest did not want to expand to accept more. My voice was low as I pleaded with her. Her knowledge could possibly offer some help for the dilemma that Carlisle and I faced. I spoke to her in the language of her mother's people, the Ticuna Indians.

"The legends you speak of, the Libishomen, the women. . . I need to know. . . are they real?"

The guttural, primitive language halted her tirade and her face and mind froze in awe. No sooner had she registered my fluent grasp for her native tongue, then she spat out a long stream of words in the same language.

"The legends, yes they are real. The Libishomen is a demon. He drinks the blood of his victims, taking their life force into his unholy body to feed his powers. Once, long ago, he preyed upon my people and we do not forget. Our daughters are cautioned from a young age to be wary of his pale skin, perfect face and beautiful voice. Skin and face and voice like yours. Are you? Are you like him?"

I had never revealed my identity to a human before Bella. Our survival depended on secrecy, but there were no secrets here. Kaure's suspicious mind and bravery had forced the truth to be known. Helpless and hopeless, I nodded assent.

She recoiled and crossed herself, warding off the taint of my evil presence with the symbol of salvation. How far my hopes had fallen. . . Salvation was a bitter thought. My earlier aspirations to redemption were a mockery of the truth. I was nothing more than a demon.

But Bella, my beautiful angel, should have no part in my damnation. I reached out to Kaure, desperate to know what would happen to Bella. The image of the Indian girl, crying out alone in the jungle replayed over and over in my mind.

"Please! My wife. . . what will happen to her?" I held my hand against Bella's cheek. She was watching my actions with confusion, her eyes flitting back and forth between my face and Bella's.

"Your wife? But you have made her with child! You do not love her. Your kind does not know love. You are a murderer!"

"I love her. More than my life. She _is_ my life. Please, I beg you! Please. . . tell me what your legends say. What will happen to my wife?"

Doubt was strong on her face and in her mind. She studied Bella's confused expression and evaluated my pain-twisted features. She noted my protective stance and the way Bella clung to my arm, leaning toward me with no trace of fear or revulsion evident in her posture.

Compassion for Bella drew her forward involuntarily, overcoming her fear of me. Using both hands, Kaure mimed a rapidly expanding stomach. The mental picture that accompanied it sickened me. In her mind, the doomed girl of her childhood nightmare lay helpless while her stomach erupted violently.

Bella flinched at her gesture and my stomach lurched sickeningly. I was as still as stone watching Kaure take several deliberate steps toward me.

"How long ago did she conceive?"

"Sixteen days. . . we think. When we first arrived."

"And how has she been feeling?"

"Hungry. Tired. She has been gaining weight rapidly these past several days, but I didn't know what I was seeing. I didn't know this could happen. She says. . . she said she felt it move." She flinched with this revelation.

"You know our language. Do you know our legends?"

"I knew of the Libishomen stories. I suspected that whoever he was, he was. . . like me. But I did not know of the woman. . . the one he. . . the. . ." I couldn't finish.

"Did you know what your seed would do to her?"

_My seed. _My jaw seemed to be carved from ice.

With great effort I responded with a single word. "No."

Kaure looked at me with pity. Her instincts rebelled against believing or trusting me. However, she recognized my true fear for Bella and regarded us sadly. Her face was devoid of hope.

"In your legends, did the woman live?" I knew the answer, but I felt compelled to ask.

Kaure paused before slowly shaking her head. Even knowing what her response would be, the answer tore at my insides. It took everything within my power to form my next words. Bella looked up at me while I spoke and the tension in her body made it clear she saw my pain and despair.

"Then Bella. . ."

Kaure took the final steps to bring her right before us. She sighed, laying one of her small, work-worn hands over Bella's, and breathed a single word, "Morte."

With her head and shoulders bent beneath the weight of her grief and pity, Kaure turned and left us.

I was thankful for one thing, that Gustavo had returned to the boat long before our argument. There was only one witness to my damnation, and I was confident in her silence. This was no consolation, but it was one less thing to drag my thoughts away from Bella.

She was still and silent in my arms, waiting for me to move or speak. Even the sound of a motor sputtering to life and carrying the boat away was unable to rouse me from my horrified stupor. That final word, _morte_, hung in the air, evil and oppressive.

_Kaure's story is only a legend_, I told myself. But the details and similarities were irrefutable. I could only hope that Carlisle and I were in time. We needed to go, to take action without delay. What must Bella be thinking now? How much did she understand?

Bella turned away from me. My hand darted out to grasp her shoulder before she could take a second step. The thought of losing sight of her made me distraught.

"Where are you going?" I whispered.

"To brush my teeth again." Her matter-of-fact response did not appease me. There was a rigid set to her shoulders and tension around her eyes that made me wonder. Bella was very perceptive. I had felt her reactions to much of the conversation, and 'morte' was not difficult to translate.

Desperate to put her at ease, I blurted out, "Don't worry about what she said. It's nothing but legends, old lies for the sake of entertainment."

"I didn't understand anything."

Bella's words rang with truth, but she did not meet my anxious gaze. Her ability to lie had improved over the years. . . but she could not fool me. I knew her too well. Unwilling to start an argument or contradict her in any way, I did the only thing I could do.

"I packed your toothbrush. I'll get it for you." I walked to the bedroom and dug through her suitcase to get to her toiletries.

"Are we leaving soon?" Bella called after me. I detected the faintest note of tension in her voice. She should have been hysterical. She should have been cursing me, tearing her hair, crying uncontrollably. That is what I wanted to do. . .

"As soon as you're done," I replied softly. I was lost in thought, trying to find a way, any way, to get us home sooner. I would hijack a plane and fly it myself if I thought it would help. I paced silently, waiting for her to return her toothbrush to me.

As soon as she placed the damp toothbrush back into my hand, I leaped into action.

"I'll get the bags into the boat." As I spoke, I gathered our suitcases. Bella's hesitant voice halted me.

"Edward—"

I turned back, confused by the tone of her voice. "Yes?"

"Could you. . . pack some of the food? You know, in case I get hungry again."

My fierce determination, my impatience, my self-hatred, all seemed selfish in the face of her simple request. I loved this woman. Anything I could do to offer her comfort instead of increasing her pain and distress, I would do. Gladly.

"Of course. Don't worry about anything. We'll get to Carlisle in just a few hours, really. This will be over soon," I reassured her.

She nodded bravely.

As I fled the room, I heard her begin to talk to herself again. My eyes and throat burned with my impotent fury. She was so brave. I wished I could be as strong as her. But even wishing that, I knew I never could be.

I stowed the suitcases behind the seats in the boat and then reached for my phone to call Carlisle. I knew Alice would see us coming, but I needed to speak to him one more time for strength and reassurance. My father always knew what to say to encourage me through any tribulation.

My phone was not in my pocket and I was certain I had not packed it in the suitcases. Or had I? With a growl I pulled my suitcase back onto the dock, flung it open and searched through the hastily folded clothes. I had almost decided to search Bella's suitcase also when I remembered seeing it on the countertop as I raced from the house.

I made short work of repacking my suitcase and returned to the house to pack some food for Bella. My call would just have to wait.

* * *

><p>The small dock was part of an idyllic setting. Crystal clear tropical waters swirled around the supporting piers in eddies of turquoise and green. The boat rocked gently on tiny swells, occasionally bumping against the padded siding. This entire scene bore such a sharp contrast to the dry ache of despair in my throat.<p>

How ironic. This was not my paradise. Honeymoon? No! This was a perversion of nature, and Bella was paying the price for my selfishness. Nothing was worth this pain. Jacob was right. I should never have come back. Everything about me was a danger to her. I was not her guardian. I was her curse!

I leaped into to boat, my body shaking with the intensity of my self-hatred. Swiftly, I loosened the moorings before approaching Bella. Cautiously, I lifted her by the waist, settling her on the boat's shifting deck.

Did she flinch from my touch? Her eyes never met mine. Silky waves of dark brown hair hid her face from me and she silently took her seat, lost in her own thoughts. I stiffened my shoulders against the crushing guilt.

There was no thrill as the wind of our passage whipped my hair into a bronze tangle. I felt no exhilaration from the throbbing roar of the engine or the sound of the propeller tearing through the water.

I was fleeing from a nightmare too terrible to face. I was running, but it pursued me. There was no escape. I glanced across at Bella, huddled silently in her seat. The monster swelled inside of her, growing in strength, determined to tear her life from her. An aberration that would destroy her as it pursued a twisted existence.

It must be stopped. I could not let that _thing_ take her from me!

Behind us, storm clouds gathered in the east. A squall line advanced, wiping all memory of the tropical sun from the suffering skies.

The entire trip on the boat, in the cab weaving through the bustling streets of Rio de Janeiro, and the arduous flights back to Seattle, she didn't make a sound. She would only nod or shake her head minutely to answer my few direct questions. Not once did her eyes glance my way. It was as if an impenetrable wall stood between us.

_She must hate me. How could she not blame me for doing this to her?_ But I knew she would never say it out loud. Bella was too sweet and selfless to ever admit to me how much I had hurt her—was still hurting her. Her reticence was a harsher judgment than any cruel words or accusing glances. I endured the trip back to Seattle in tortured silence.

It wouldn't be long, now. Carlisle would know what to do. I clung to that slim hope, but no amount of mental reassurance could squash the dread growing inside me. Little did I know that even my faint hopes were soon to be crushed.

We landed at Sea-Tac airport and waited silently while the rest of the passengers disembarked. My nerves were raw, my senses frayed. The interminable hours of self-castigation were persistently eroding my hold on sanity. I kept my hand at Bella's elbow as we exited the gate into the nearly deserted concourse. A small part of my brain absently noted that ours was the only active gate. My eyes assessed my family gathered in a somber semi-circle.

Carlisle's eyes locked on mine.

_She's going to be okay, son. We'll make sure of that._

I nodded minutely, acknowledging his thought. My gaze swept the rest of their faces.

Jasper was tensed in concentration, moderating their emotions to neutralize the confusion and panic that roiled around them. I ignored his attempt to include me in that protective blanket, although I was grateful for Bella's sake.

Alice's arm was intertwined with his. Her face was a mask of frightened confusion. Her pixie-like features were pinched with stress as she struggled to make sense of the flickering future. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess. Blurry images of Bella flitted like specters through her head, nothing concrete.

Esme's thoughts jumped back and forth between Bella and me. She ached for us. All of her instincts were to protect me, her son, and Bella. But those instincts were in complete opposition to her desire for a child, her grandchild, safely in her arms. She was so torn that I could not bear to look into her tormented gaze.

Emmett's signature smirk was missing, replaced with a grimace, as if anticipating great pain.

Rosalie stepped forward from the others, her arms outstretched in welcome.

_What?_

Bella suddenly came to life, breaking free from my startled grasp. My confusion lasted only a fraction of a heartbeat. Bella was already enfolded in Rosalie's protective embrace. My sister met my gaze, triumphantly defiant. Deep brown and golden waves of hair intermingled to form a single, impenetrable curtain, concealing Bella's face from view. Rosalie no longer attempted to block me from her thoughts as she caressed Bella's hair.

In Rosalie's mind, I saw her own imagined vision of the future. She stood in the living room of our house, tenderly holding a fragile, human-looking child. Bella's broken body lay lifeless in the background. Comprehension burst across my psyche like an asteroid exploding into flames.

_No!_ I gasped in soundless horror.

I fell to my knees, defeated. My soul descended into hell.


End file.
